How Preteens Are Stressed About Covid-19 (And How You Can Help)

Preteens are often left out of discussions about mental health. Not quite little kids and not quite teenagers, it can be harder to find resources that are meant just for them. I was interviewed recently for an article on Healthline about how kids of different ages are dealing with coronavirus stress, and it inspired me to dig a little deeper into how tweens, in particular, are being impacted by the pandemic. I’ll be sharing some of the worries I’ve noticed are on preteens kids’ minds, and how parents can support their tweenage kids through this time.

What’s Considered “Preteen”?

For the purposes of this post, I’ll be considering ages 10-12 as preteen kids. Typically, kids in this age group are getting ready for or just starting middle school. Many children this age—especially girls—are dealing with the physical and emotional changes of the beginning of puberty. Lots of preteen kids are still playful and imaginative, but they’re also developing more of an interest and awareness of teen culture. It’s an interesting in-between time in a kid’s life, and it’s one of my favorite ages to work with in therapy.

Preteens Worry About Family Due to Covid-19

Preadolescent kids have more strongly developed empathy than kids in the younger age ranges. Whereas younger kids may be most worried about their personal safety during the pandemic, preteens have more awareness of how the coronavirus might also impact people around them. Since preteens have more access to the internet and media, they’re more likely to know basic facts about the pandemic, and understand that kids are not usually seriously affected by the virus. However, they’ve also heard that older people are more susceptible, which can lead to worries.

Many of the preteens I work with are voicing concerns about the well-being of their adult family members, both physically and financially. Lots of kids in this age group are aware of the impact the pandemic is having on employment and businesses, but they usually don’t have an in-depth understanding of their family’s own financial situation, which can lead to worries. Here are a few common worries I’m hearing from preteens about family:

• Worries that grandparents, great-grandparents, or other elderly family members or friends may contract the coronavirus and get seriously ill.

• Worries about their parents’ health if the family is affected by COVID-19, particularly if parents have pre-existing medical conditions.

• Worries about whether their parents can afford to be out of work, fears about having enough money to support the family, and concerns about how these financial changes could impact daily life.

How to Help Preteens With Family Worries

While children don’t need to know all the details of a family’s finances, it can be really helpful for preteens to hear reassurance from parents right now about how the family is planning to deal with financial setbacks. It’s often enough for kids to learn that there are no worries about continuing to put food on the table, or to hear about the family’s plans to get financial assistance to help support the family business.

On a similar note, discussing how the family is planning to care for older family members, and the steps that family members are proactively taking to stay safe, can alleviate some anxiety for preteens about the family’s health. Encouraging preteens to FaceTime or text family members who are living alone or have health concerns can empower them to feel involved in helping their relatives, and keep family connections going while social distancing.

Preteens Are Susceptible to Coronavirus Rumors

Many preteen kids have similar access to the internet and smartphones as their teenage siblings, but their critical thinking skills aren’t as developed as an older teen’s. Since the coronavirus is still dominating the news cycle, kids on the internet are likely getting all sorts of information about it when they go online, and this information may or may not be reputable. Even if your tween child doesn’t have this kind of access, her friends likely do, which allows rumors to quickly spread and become exaggerated as they pass through a social group.

Getting age-appropriate information about the coronavirus tends to reduce anxiety, but on the flip side, reading sensationalized news stories or information from questionable sources can make preteens’ anxiety worse. Many preteens view influencers on social media and YouTube as being trustworthy and relatable. They may not be as skeptical about information that’s presented as fact from what they perceive to be a trusted source.

How to Help Your Preteen Sort Out Coronavirus Facts From Fiction

Here are 3 common misconceptions I’m hearing from many preteen clients, and how you can help your child to make sense of all the information they may be getting from friends, the internet, and social media:

Where the virus came from: Conspiracy theories abound about the “real” source of the cornavirus, which can lead to increased confusion, anger, and fear for tweens. You can help your preteen by presenting the facts that we know for certain, as well as acknowledging that there are things we still don’t know for sure. It might be helpful to point out that when we don’t know something, people are tempted to fill in the blanks with information that might not be true.

Newly discovered symptoms of COVID-19: Doctors are making new discoveries all the time about how the coronavirus impacts people. However, there is also a lot of misinformation online about what problems can be symptoms of coronavirus. Tween kids need help making sense of what they’re reading, and understanding that many of these complications are very rare.

Racist content online: Sadly, some kids are telling me that they are reading or hearing things from others that express racism towards Chinese people for “giving” us the coronavirus. This can be really confusing for preteens who aren’t sure what they’re supposed to believe. You can help your child by making clear in no uncertain terms that we can’t blame any ethnic group for this illness.

More Support for Preteens Dealing with Coronavirus Stress

Many preteens are going to be able to muddle through this pandemic with some extra support and patience from the adults around them. However, if you’re noticing that your preteen’s anxiety seems to be getting worse over time, is much more intense than other kids his age, or is getting in the way of daily life, it could be a sign your child needs extra help to cope with this stress.

After seeing so many preteens struggling, I created a class called Worry-Free Tweens to help kids learn coping skills for anxiety and stress management. It’s a self-paced course that’s available wherever you are.

Online therapy can be a great option for preteens, who are usually tech-savvy enough to manage sessions without a lot of help from parents. Sometimes, just having an adult to vent feelings to who isn’t a parent can help preteens unload some of their stress. A licensed counselor can also arm your child with coping skills to help them deal with intense feelings and get through stressful times more effectively.

If you’re in North Carolina or New York, I’m able to provide telehealth to kids in these states. You can reach out to me here. If you are located elsewhere, check out Psychology Today for options near you.

Online CBT Therapy for Kids With Anxiety

Kids weren’t meant to sit inside all day, isolated from friends while overhearing scary things on the news. Our “new normal” in quarantine may be especially tough for kids, who are so reliant on their daily routines to help them feel safe in the world. If you have noticed a spike in your child’s anxiety symptoms since the coronavirus, you’re not alone. It’s an understandable response to a very strange, stressful time in our history. Fortunately, one of the most effective treatments we have to help anxious kids—cognitive behavioral therapy—translates easily into online work with a therapist. In this post I’ll be sharing the basics of how CBT can help kids with anxiety disorders, and how it works to get CBT therapy online.

What Is CBT, and How Is It Different Than Other Forms of Therapy?

What do you imagine when you think of therapy? Maybe that stereotypical image comes to mind of a patient lying on a couch, free associating about their childhood experiences while a therapist quietly nods. While some therapists still practice this more “old school” form of therapy (and it really works for some people!) therapy doesn’t always have this look and feel. CBT is a very popular approach to therapy that offers another way to deal with stress, anxiety, and mental health struggles.

CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and it’s a style of therapy that focuses on helping people learn new ways to deal with problems in the present, rather than gaining insight into the past. While you might discuss past experiences with a CBT therapist, in general the goal is finding solutions in the here-and-now. To do this, clients in CBT therapy learn how to spot the negative thinking patterns and self-talk that can lead to exaggerated worries and depression.

In CBT therapy, your child might…

• Learn coping skills to manage stress more effectively

• Gradually practice facing her fears in order to overcome them

• Learn how to identify overly-negative thinking

• Practice replacing negative self-talk with more positive, realistic self-talk

• Learn social skills to express herself confidently and assertively

What Makes CBT So Popular for Kids with Anxiety?

One big reason CBT has become so popular for treating childhood anxiety is that it can help kids feel better faster. The coping skills children learn in CBT can be used right away to start managing anxiety, panic, and stress, so many children notice some improvement in their moods early on in treatment. CBT is often a shorter form of treatment, and in general, people in CBT need fewer sessions of therapy than people who aren’t. Kids who get CBT therapy for anxiety symptoms may be able to progress through therapy more quickly, and return to their lives with skills to handle future problems.

Another reason for CBT’s popularity is that there is a ton of research to show it’s effective. As a therapist, I like knowing that the skills I’m teaching kids to manage their anxiety have been studied over and over, and have been shown to be the most helpful tools for the job. I like feeling confident that the therapy techniques I’m using are the most likely to help a particular child, and have been shown to be safe.

How Does CBT for Children Work With Telehealth?

While some forms of therapy may look and feel a little different when conducted online, in my experience CBT sessions via telehealth feel pretty similar to my in-office sessions! Because CBT is more task-oriented and involves more learning and teaching, it’s a natural fit for online therapy. While I often incorporate games, art, and play into my child therapy sessions, CBT puts an emphasis on helping kids put their thoughts and feelings into words, too. I think the fact that it’s a more verbal form of therapy helps make online sessions flow smoothly.

If your child is enrolled in online CBT therapy, she might participate in activities like these:

• Role-play difficult situations with a therapist to figure out healthier ways to respond

• Learn relaxation skills in session, like deep breathing and mindfulness techniques

• Practice turning negative self-talk into more positive or realistic self-talk

• Set goals to practice at home during the week, such as practicing a relaxation skill or raising her hand more often in class

• Learn more about how anxiety works, which can help kids feel less alone with their feelings

Online CBT therapy might use books, worksheets, and other teaching aids to help children get the most benefit from learning new skills. I sometimes email simple worksheets to parents that kids can use to track negative thoughts during the week. I sometimes assign other “homework” assignments as well, such as practicing a new skill during the week or trying to reach out to friends more during quarantine. Usually, CBT homework requires no more than 5 minutes a day of work—I know kids are overloaded with school assignments right now, and I don’t want to add to that stress!

Online CBT Therapy for Kids in North Carolina, New York, and Florida

If your child is having a hard time dealing with anxiety during quarantine, CBT can help her manage this stressful situation and equip her with tools that she can use to deal with anxiety even after quarantine ends. As a first step, you may want to consider my online course, Worry-Free Tweens, which teaches CBT-inspired coping skills to anxious kids ages 8-12.

If you’re in North Carolina, New York, or Florida and looking for online therapy for your child, my (virtual) door is always open. I love using CBT to help kids and tweens overcome anxiety and worry. You can reach out to me here to learn more.

Pros and Cons of Online Therapy for Kids

While many people may not have considered online therapy as an option until quarantine forced us to take a lot of our lives online, it’s been around for years. Large companies like Talkspace and BetterHelp have mostly appealed to millennials who are comfortable with technology and may not have much time during a 9-5 day to make it to a brick-and-mortar therapy office. In addition, plenty of private practice therapists have used online therapy to help reach people who may not otherwise be able to access therapy, such as those in rural areas or people living with chronic illness. Until recently, though, most online therapy services were for adults, not kids.

Because I didn’t see many online children’s therapists out in the world, I was skeptical about whether kids could benefit from this kind of help. Since I want to help my community flatten the curve, when quarantine hit I decided it was time to find out for myself! While I am looking forward to the day when I can go back to my playroom, I have made so many exciting discoveries about online therapy that I would never have realized if quarantine hadn’t pushed me to give it a try. In this post I’ll be sharing some of the most surprising “pros” I have discovered about online therapy for kids, as well as the “cons” to be aware of, since no form of therapy is the perfect fit for every child.

What Kids Are a Good Fit for Online Therapy?

Online therapy, or teletherapy, may not be the best fit for everyone. However, in the past few weeks I have seen some children and families benefit more from online sessions than they have from in-person therapy. Here are a two scenarios where I’ve found online therapy has an edge over face-to-face counseling:

Children whose behavior problems only occur at home. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had parents tell me that their child’s behavior at home and in my office is a night and day difference. Some parents have even asked if they should film their child’s behavior, because they’re afraid I won’t believe how tough things can really get behind closed doors.

While I don’t recommend filming your child, online therapy gives me a better chance at seeing behavior problems firsthand. Since kids are participating in therapy from home, in a familiar place, they often behave more naturally than they would in my office. Since I’m present on the screen but not physically in the room, it’s more likely that kids will fall back into familiar patterns with the parent as if I’m not there. This gives us the opportunity to work through the problem together, as it’s happening, in real time.

Kids who have a hard time opening up about tough subjects. While many kids enjoy and appreciate individual time spent with a counselor, I have found that some kids feel too exposed or overwhelmed in face-to-face sessions to get vulnerable about painful experiences. Play therapy and art therapy techniques can help give kids the feeling of “safe remove” from an issue that they need to open up, but so can online therapy.

Some kids may feel a little bit less “under the microscope” when they’re talking through a screen or typing, which can make it easier for them to speak their mind. I’m finding that many of my clients who are recovering from grief or trauma are able to speak more directly about their experiences than they were in my office.

The Pros of Online Therapy for Kids

Online counseling isn’t better or worse than face-to-face therapy—just different. Here are a few of the potential benefits that online therapy can offer for kids with anxiety, trauma symptoms, or behavior problems.

• Online therapy can feel more confidential, which can make it easier to open up about difficult subjects.

• Video and text chatting mimics the way that children are most comfortable communicating with friends.

• Kids can design their own “safe space” for therapy sessions that includes all their favorite comfort items: loveys, dogs, and favorite snacks allowed!

• For parents with demanding work schedules or non-traditional hours, online sessions can be easier to manage than in-person therapy, because there is no commute required.

• Home-based sessions can help kids and therapists work through tough behaviors at “the scene of the crime,” which can make it easier to practice new skills. Some kids enjoy doing roleplays of difficult situations using their own toys as props to find better ways to resolve conflicts with siblings or friends.
  
  
  

The Cons of Online Therapy for Kids

For some kids, individual virtual counseling may not be the best option. While some of these issues can be problem-solved in session, other kids might benefit more from another form of therapy, such as family counseling, parenting skills coaching, or face-to-face sessions, when available. Here are a few factors that I have observed can make individual online therapy more difficult for kids:

• Preschool children have a harder time paying attention to a screen for a full therapy hour, and seeing a familiar face onscreen instead of in real life can be a little confusing. For very young kids, shorter “check-ins” with a therapist paired with parenting support sessions might be a better bet.

• Some kids with ADHD may have a tough time with online therapy, since it might require them to sit still for longer. This is especially true for younger children. Adding in extra movement to sessions can help, but individual online therapy may not be the best fit.

• It’s a little harder to pick up on nonverbal information in online therapy, like subtle facial expressions, body language, and small changes in tone of voice. This is true for both the therapist and the client. If a child already has a hard time picking up on these social cues, online therapy can make it more challenging.

• Online therapy sessions rely mainly on sight and sound, and so the sensory experience is not as rich as in-person play therapy for kids with sensory processing needs. Adding sensory play materials like play-doh and scented markers at home can help to address this.

Learning about the pros and cons of online therapy for kids has inspired me to keep offering it as a service even in our post-quarantine world. I have a feeling that for many kids, combining face-to-face visits with occasional online sessions could give them the best of both worlds and make therapy more accessible for many families. If you’d like to chat more about online therapy, or set up an appointment for your child, I’m located in the Davidson, NC area and happy to help. You can contact me here.

How to Help a Child Cope with Anxiety

4 ways to take care of your child (and yourself) when stress is high

If you are the parent of an anxious child, you know how draining anxiety can be. Worries, rituals, and meltdowns can consume tons of time and energy, not just for your child but for the whole family. When a child’s anxiety is too strong to manage, the effects can ripple outward to impact siblings and parents. This is even more true during quarantine, when everyone is cooped up together and it’s harder to take time away to blow off steam. Even in unusually stressful times, kids can learn to feel more in control of their worries, and there is a lot you can do to help as a parent. Here are 4 ways to help your child learn to cope better with anxiety.

Help Your Child Understand That Anxiety Isn’t Bad

I often ask kids who are coming to my office for anxiety a trick question: is anxiety a good thing, or a bad thing? Many children assume that the goal of therapy is to totally eliminate their anxious feelings. As a parent, you can help your child understand that anxiety is an important feeling because it helps them know when something is not safe. Can you imagine what would happen if we didn’t feel at least a little anxious before crossing a busy intersection? Have you ever had a bad “gut feeling” about a person or situation that turned out to be right? Those are times when anxiety is good to have, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Because anxiety doesn’t feel good in the body, children often get anxious about being anxious: they notice their anxiety response starting to kick in, and worry that it means something is really wrong with them. In reality, their body is doing just what it is supposed to do by alerting them to danger…it just might be doing this at unhelpful times. Kids with anxiety have too much of a good thing: their “danger alarm” is going off more often than it really needs to. You can help your child understand that anxiety isn’t dangerous, it can’t hurt them, and that while you can’t eliminate anxiety (and you wouldn’t want to!) there are lots of ways to cope with the feelings to make them easier to deal with.

Practice Relaxation Every Day, Not Just When Your Child is Anxious

Helping anxious kids find ways to relax is usually one of the first goals in therapy. Many coping skills have been developed to help kids (and adults) unwind, but activities like exercise, art, and meditation can be just as helpful. In my opinion, it doesn’t really matter what coping skill you choose to use—what matters is how often you use it.

Practicing a relaxation technique is kind of like going to the gym. If you do it once, you might notice you feel a little better when you’re done. However, the boost probably won’t last very long. If you want to create lasting, positive changes, you’re going to have to do it regularly over a longer stretch of time. Deep relaxation techniques change the way our nervous system operates, helping us move out of the “fight-or-flight” mode that triggers anxiety and into the “rest-and-digest” mode that promotes calm. If a child is practicing a relaxation skill frequently, she may spend more time in this restful state and be able to access it more easily the next time she’s stressed, leading to less anxiety in the long run.

Practicing how to self-soothe daily has another benefit, as well: it helps kids master the technique before they really need it. You don’t want your child to be trying to figure out how to take deep belly breaths for the first time in the middle of a panic attack. Think of daily relaxation practice as being like a fire drill, helping your child master the coping skill while she’s calm, before she really needs it.

Focus on Your Child’s Strengths, Rather Than Worries

When a child is really anxious about something, it can be tempting to talk about it with them in detail in order to reassure them that their fears aren’t realistic. If your child is losing sleep at night due to fears of monsters in their room, for example, you may feel the urge to help them investigate in every closet and under all the furniture to prove that the room is 100% monster-free. While helping kids to spot unrealistic thoughts can be helpful, spending a lot of time talking about a fear in the moment can backfire and lead to more anxiety.

When we have a long conversation with a child about their worry, we might accidentally send them the message that it’s something worth being worried about. After all, if we’re spending all this time talking about it, it must be a possibility! Your child might wonder why you’d look under the bed in the first place if there wasn’t a chance the monster might be lurking under there. Long discussions can also encourage anxious children to ruminate, thinking about their worries again and again without coming to a resolution. This can make their anxiety increase, rather than decrease.

Instead of talking about the worry itself, focus on the positive strengths your child has that will help them deal with it. You might consider saying something like “I know you’re brave and you can do this,” “This is hard, but you’ve handled it before, and you can do it again,” or “You are so good at taking deep belly breaths!” This can help shift a child’s focus away from the problem, and toward a solution. It also sends the message that you understand how worried your child must feel, but you aren’t taking the worry itself seriously. You can be empathetic without reinforcing the fear itself.

Put the Oxygen Mask On Yourself First

You have probably heard this common advice from flight attendants applied to life outside of the airplane: put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before helping your child. It’s cliche, but it’s true! Helping a child to cope with anxiety is hard work, and it’s difficult to do if you’re feeling run-down or anxious yourself. Parents have to provide so much emotional labor for their kids every day, and they may find they’re giving and giving without getting much support back in return.

Kids are extremely attuned to how their parents are feeling. They look to the adults in their lives to determine how they should respond in a situation. During times of stress, your child is probably watching you closely, and paying attention to your facial expression and voice tones for clues to how you’re feeling. If a child senses that you’re feeling stressed, odds are good he’ll start to feel stressed out, too. This can lead to more anxiety or acting-out behaviors like tantrums and meltdowns. On the flip side, when a child sees that you’re managing your own stress, it sends the message that they can feel safe and relaxed, too.

When things are particularly stressful, a parent’s self-care might be the first activity to get crossed off the to-do list. If your child is struggling with anxiety, I’d encourage you to make your own self-care a priority. Figure out what helps you to cope emotionally, whether it’s taking an hour to exercise, going on a drive alone and listening to music, or calling a friend. Your kids will feel the effects of your improved mood, and you may find their anxiety decreases as your stress levels go down. When you practice self-care, you send the message to your children that coping with anxiety is a normal part of life. When your children see you managing your own stress, they learn that they can do it, too.

If your child’s anxiety is getting hard to handle at home, counseling can help make it more manageable, even during quarantine. You can read more about online counseling for kids here, or reach out to me to set up an appointment.

Why is My Child More Clingy During Quarantine, And How Can I Help?

You deserve to be able to go to the bathroom in peace! If your Self-Isolation is feeling a little crowded due to clinging, there are ways to help your child relax and adjust.

Kids react in all sorts of ways to stress, from anxiety and fearfulness to anger and irritability. If you’re a parent who is self-quarantining with children, you may be starting to see this wide array of stress responses at home. I have noticed that, among the kids in my practice, the past week or so has been a turning point for many children. While the first week off from school might have felt fun and novel, like a snow day, the second week of school feels more like the beginning of a new normal. The serious change of pace is bringing up anxiety for many kids, and one form you may notice it coming out in is increased clinginess to parents. If you expected your self-isolation to include a little more alone time, read on to learn why kids get clingy when stressed and how we as caregivers can help them adjust.

Why Do Kids Get Clingy During Stressful Times?

Children see their parents as their “safe base.” Mom or Dad is the person who is always predictable, will always protect them, and knows how to keep them safe. Usually, the older kids get, the more comfortable they feel straying farther and farther from their safe person, knowing that their parent will always be there for support if needed. During times of stress, like quarantine, the distance from parents that feels safe may shrink. This is especially true if there has been a loss of predictability due to changes in routine: if a child is no longer able to predict what happens next each day, a parent’s continued presence may feel less predictable, too.

It is also common for children’s behavior to regress during a period of trauma or stress. While it’s normal and common for infants and toddlers to have separation anxiety, preschoolers and older children who have move past this stage might revert back to it if they’re feeling vulnerable. This is usually a temporary phase, and kids will shift back to more age-appropriate behavior once the stress has resolved, especially if they have support in managing their anxious feelings.

How Can I Tell If My Child’s Clinginess Is Normal?

Separation anxiety and clinginess are a normal (and stressful!) part of child development for babies and toddlers, especially from the age of seven months old to about two and a half. Around this age, kids are learning that even when they can’t see a person, they still exist in the world and can still be relied upon to come back again. This is a concept called object permanence.

While some clinging is normal, it’s also possible for toddlers and older children to develop separation anxiety that is outside of the norm and cause added distress for everyone. Here are a few signs that a child may need help overcoming their clinginess:

• Your child can’t tolerate even brief separations from you: for example, a trip to the bathroom or to go outside to get the mail.

• Your child’s anxiety when away from you is so intense that they can’t cope.

• The clinginess is getting more intense with time, rather than less.

• The anxiety and clinging are more than you’d expect from a child of this age, and it’s interfering with daily activities.

It’s possible to reassure kids that they are safe and loved and help them to gradually increase their independence. You deserve to be able to go to the bathroom in peace, especially during these stressful times!

Make Your Child’s Routine Predictable

If you think your child’s clinging might be a response to their routine being thrown off, adding some structure to the day can be extremely helpful. For young children, predictability equals safety. Being able to anticipate what will happen each day and when allows them to trust that they’ll be taken care of and transition between activities more smoothly. When that predictability goes away, it can make children feel out of control and unsafe.

You don’t need to create an elaborate, Montessori-inspired routine in order to increase your child’s sense of safety. Simply setting established times for meals and snacks, playtime, and bedtime can go a long way in helping a child feel like their life is more in control. For bonus points, you can create a visual schedule of your day so that your child can follow along and know what to expect next.

Build Some Individual Playtime Into Your Day

A predictable routine is extra effective if your child knows they can rely on getting some individual, face-to-face time with you every day. I know this can be a tall order when everyone is working from home and cooped up with family 24/7. However, I have found that even 10 or 15 minutes of individual playtime with a parent is a huge help for kids with behavioral problems. Children crave focused attention from parents, and when they’re feeling insecure they often seek it out in unhelpful ways, like clinging and tantrums.

If you’d like to try this approach at home, find a time each day when you know you’re consistently available to spend time with your child. Right after dinner, after bathtime, or before bed might be good opportunities to sneak in a few minutes of togetherness. Make sure your child knows this is part of the routine, and if they start to cling to you at other times of the day, remind them that you’ll have special time to spend with them later on.

Praise or Reward Your Child For Being Independent

Most of us feel moved to speak out when someone around us isn’t doing the right thing, and this is especially true with kids. Good behavior, however, often goes unrecognized. Adults may be used to not getting praised every time they do what they’re supposed to do, but for kids, not getting praise for good behavior can accidentally reinforce behavior issues.

Kids crave attention from parents because it makes them feel safe. If a parent’s eyes are on you, it means they can look after you if something dangerous happens. As a result, children tend to repeat behaviors that have gotten them attention—positive or negative—in the past. If we get into the habit of ignoring good behavior, it’s less likely to happen again!

If your child has been struggling to separate from you at home, make sure you enthusiastically call out the times they succeed. If your child is playing independently, praise them for it! Kids who are really struggling to separate from a parent for any period of time often benefit from a reward chart. The positive reinforcement of earning a “prize” can motivate children to do the hard, scary work of separating.

Address Your Child’s Fears About The Coronavirus

Even young children are likely picking up more information about the coronavirus pandemic than you might expect. Lots of children I speak to understand that the virus is more serious for adults than for kids, and this has led to worry for some children that their parents might fall ill and not be able to care for them. This can lead to more anxiety about being away from a parent, and more clinging.

If you think this might be the case for your child, make sure they understand all the ways you’re keeping them and the family safe. For example, maybe your family is practicing social distancing, washing hands, getting groceries delivered, or even eating extra healthy during this time. It might also be reassuring for children to hear that there are lots of other caring adults in their extended family or neighborhood who will be ready and willing to help if the child ever needs them.

A child getting clingy during quarantine can be an added stress on parents during an already challenging time. Adding some structure and predictable opportunities to play each day can help your child adjust to their new normal feeling safe and secure. If you find that your child is still struggling even after trying these ideas, online child counseling or online parenting support can help you get back on track. Hang in there, parents! This phase won’t last forever.

3 Common Fears Kids Have About Coronavirus (And How to Help)

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty saturated with news about the coronavirus pandemic right about now. If you’re like me, you are getting coverage 24/7 from all sides: the news, social media, friends…it can be a lot to take in. While we adults are busy processing all of the sound bites we’re getting from various media sources, kids are listening in, too.

The urgent tone of the news coverage of coronavirus can be alarming for children, and increase their worries. The good news is that there is helpful, age-appropriate information we can be giving to children right now to ease their anxiety. Today I’m sharing 3 of the most common fears I’m hearing children mention this week, as well as what we as adults can say and do to help.

#1. Fear of Getting Sick, or Fear of a Family Member Getting Sick

“Am I safe?”

This is often the first question kids have in moments of change, crisis, or transition. It’s totally normal for kids (and adults, too!) to worry about their personal safety above all else. Because children are so dependent on their parents, children often worry about their parents’ safety, too. Many kids may worry about what will happen to them if a parent is ill or otherwise unable to take care of them during a crisis.

I’m hearing many children voice concerns right now that they might become seriously ill, as well as worries about parents, grandparents, and relatives who may be elderly or have preexisting health problems. If your child has similar fears, you can help by making sure your child understands that the coronavirus usually causes very mild symptoms in children, and sometimes no symptoms at all. You can explain that children have strong bodies that can fight off coronavirus germs easily, but they can still carry these germs to other people who might get sick. This is why school and other group activities have been canceled: not because lots of kids are in danger, but to avoid accidentally spreading germs that might make others ill.

It’s also useful to remind children about all the steps that you and other important adults in their lives are taking to stay healthy: for example, washing your hands, practicing social distancing, and eating healthy foods. You can remind your child of the big network of caring adults in their lives, which may include close friends, extended family, and neighbors. Your child may feel more secure in knowing that these people will be available to take care of them, too, if you were ever feeling sick.

#2. Fear About How the Virus is Transmitted

We are still learning details about how the coronavirus spreads between people, but we have a pretty good understanding of how the illness is spread from person to person: through respiratory droplets, or by touching a contaminated surface. However, the fact that we can’t see the coronavirus can make it feel extra scary: we’re not sure where it is and isn’t, which means everyone is taking extra precautions. I’m finding that many children aren’t totally sure how the virus is transmitted, and may have incorrect ideas about how it is spread that lead to more anxiety.

Kids don’t need to know every detail about the current pandemic, but giving some age-appropriate information about what the virus does and how it is spread can alleviate worries. For example, I’ve heard many children have concerns that they might catch the virus through an open window, or that it might come into their home in the air without a sick person being nearby. By helping children understand exactly how a person gets coronavirus, we can allow them to feel more empowered about preventing the spread.

You can explain to children that usually the virus needs help to get into our bodies, and it can hitch a ride on our hands if they have germs on them when we touch our eyes, nose, or mouth. By washing our hands and avoiding touching our faces with dirty hands, we can help to keep the virus outside of our bodies.

#3. Fear of the Unknown

Personally, it is easier for me to cope with a situation when I know the end date. Wouldn’t it be easier to self-quarantine if we all knew for sure when the outbreak would resolve? I think many kids feel this way, too. It is hard for them to not know when school will be back in session, or if they will be able to celebrate their spring birthday with friends, or even if their summer vacation will happen as planned. This uncertainty can lead to more anxiety.

Right now, kids may have questions that we don’t have answers for yet. If your child asks you a question you don’t know the answer to, it’s perfectly fine to tell them you’re not sure. We can reassure children that we do know that the outbreak won’t last forever, and that things will eventually go back to normal. It might also be helpful for children to know that when we practice social distancing, we’re helping doctors and nurses to fight the virus so that the pandemic won’t last as long as it might otherwise.

Although a lot of routines are changing in children’s lives, some things remain constant. Help your child to recognize the parts of life that have stayed the same during the pandemic: maybe your whole family still has dinner together each night, or they still get to talk to their grandparents on FaceTime every Saturday afternoon. By maintaining family traditions and routines and highlighting them for children, you can make the world more secure and predictable for kids.

How to Help Children with Coronavirus Fears

Children are looking to the adults in their lives right now to determine how they should think and feel about the pandemic. By talking to our children honestly, but calmly, we can help them to take the outbreak seriously without adding unnecessary worry. When children don’t get enough information about the coronavirus, they tend to “fill in the blanks” with ideas or assumptions that might not be correct, leading to more fear. Providing age-appropriate facts can empower kids and reduce this anxiety.

You can also support your child by making sure they get a little bit of individual playtime with you each day, since children use their creative play to process their feelings about the world. This is also an important time to practice your own self-care, so that you can share your own feelings of calm with your children. If your child’s anxiety symptoms are increasing during the pandemic and you think they might benefit from some extra support, you may want to consider online therapy. If you’re in the Davidson, NC area, I’m happy to help!

Is Online Therapy for Kids Legit?

A lot has happened in the world since my last post! If you’re in North Carolina, today marks the beginning of a 21-day shelter-in-place order to help prevent further outbreak of COVID-19 and, hopefully, flatten the curve. This is a big deal for kids and families, who may suddenly be adjusting to a “new normal” that involves a lot more togetherness, unstructured time, and canceled plans. Part of my own new normal has been diving headfirst into the world of online therapy for children, and in this post I’ll be telling you all about what I’ve learned so far.

Are You Skeptical About Virtual Therapy? It’s OK—I Was, Too

I wish I could tell you that I’ve been 100% enthusiastically on board with online therapy for years and years, but that just isn’t true. Like many therapists, I have clung to the belief that in-person is always better. To my mind, online therapy was a “second place” option at best. After all, therapy is all about the healing relationship and connecting with the kids in my office: how can that work as well over a computer screen? How would play therapy work without a playroom?

When the new coronavirus started circulating in my area, there was no doubt in my mind about switching over to online sessions. I didn’t want to risk spreading germs to my immunocompromised families, or send a child to visit with Grandma and Grandpa not knowing if they might have picked up the virus in my playroom. “Second place” therapy in this situation, I figured, was better than no therapy at all.

Then I started actually doing online sessions, and I quickly realized what online therapists have been saying for years: online therapy is different, but equal to in-office counseling. In fact, sometimes it has an edge over face-to-face therapy when it comes to helping kids and families.

What Online Counseling Looks Like With Kids

Online counseling—also called Teletherapy, or distance therapy, uses video conferencing so that clients and therapists can see and hear each other in real time. If your child is familiar with FaceTime, Skype, or even Snapchat, they’ll probably have an intuitive understanding of how to use an online therapy platform. Most video chatting platforms used in therapy are designed to look and feel a lot like Skype or Zoom, but with more protections in place to prevent hacking and safeguard sensitive health information.

In my practice, I ask that children participating in online therapy have access to a computer with high speed internet in a room with a door that closes, in order to protect their privacy. It’s also helpful for kids to have paper, pencils, and markers available to use in session, just like they’d have if they were in my office. That’s likely all that older kids will need to have a successful virtual counseling session, but younger kids often enjoy having a few of their own toys on hand, as well. I’ve been introduced to lots of loveys and other special childhood toys this month!

Today’s Children Have Grown Up Using Technology to Connect

I often try to remember how I felt or reacted to things when I was the same age as my kid clients. This is helpful a lot of the time, but it held me back when I started considering online therapy. I tried to picture how I would have felt at 7, 8, 9, or 10 years old, talking to a counselor on our big family computer in the living room. It felt foreign and weird to think about, and I imagined it as a cold and clinical experience. At that time in my life, computers were still new, and the technology felt like it was separate from my day-to-day life.

However, my kid clients didn’t grow up like I did—and they probably didn’t grow up like you did, either. They’ve been FaceTiming aunts and grandparents since before they could talk. Many of them log many hours a week chatting with friends while playing Roblox or other multiplayer games with friends online. Communicating through technology doesn’t feel cold and detached to these kids: for many of them, it feels more familiar and “safe” than sitting on a couch and talking to an adult in real life.

There is Research to Support Teletherapy for Kids

When I’m trying to decide if a therapy treatment is legit, I turn to the research. It’s important to me that the techniques I use with kids have evidence to back them up, which is one reason why I love cognitive behavioral therapy. Luckily, there’s a growing body of research on teletherapy, and it comes to the same conclusion I’ve reached watching my clients in online sessions: online therapy can be just as effective (and sometimes more effective) as face-to-face counseling, even for kids.

Several peer-reviewed studies have found that people with anxiety and depression can get relief from online therapy, and that their improved mood continues after treatment is over. Researchers have also studied how kids respond to computer-based therapy, and found that it can be helpful for both depression and anxiety. According to the study, kids spend so much time on their phones and other devices that this form of therapy may come more naturally to them.

My Verdict On Online Therapy for Kids: It Is, in Fact, Legit

While some play therapy activities can’t be done online (I miss my sandbox!) there are plenty of reasons to consider online therapy as a different but equal way to get mental health help. Your child might be surprised to find they feel more comfortable chatting with their counselor from home, surrounded by their toys and pets. It may not be what we’re used to, but it’s legit.

Still looking for a therapist, but need some online help? My self-help course for kids teaches coping skills from an educational perspective, rather than a counseling one. Worry-Free Tweens was designed to help anxious kids ages 8-12 feel more in control of anxiety.

Still wondering about whether teletherapy could work for your child? Reach out to me here to learn more about online therapy for kids in the Lake Norman area.

Why Playing With Both "Boy Toys" and "Girl Toys" Is Good for Kids

I really believe that kids benefit from having access to a diverse array of toys, regardless of their gender. Play therapists are fond of saying that “toys are a child’s words.” If this is the case, why not supply them with the broadest vocabulary we can? In this post, I’ll be digging into whether there really is such a thing as “boy toys” and “girl toys” and sharing some of the benefits of giving kids of all genders more play options.

Common Myths About Raising Boys

Not too long ago I was quoted in an article about old wives’ tales related to raising boys. While everyone has different values as a parent, some of the preconceived ideas we have about boys may not just be outdated, but actually negatively impacting their mental health. We inherit a lot of our ideas about gender from our own parents, which makes it easy for them to go unexamined. Their influence on our behavior can be pretty subtle, too, and we may pass on unhelpful ideas to kids without even realizing it.

One common misconception I hear in my therapy office is that playing with stereotypically “girly” toys might be damaging to boys or confuse them about their gender role. Parents are sometimes concerned about a male child’s interest in baby dolls or jewelry-making, or express that they want to make sure their child understands what it is to be a boy.

Will Playing with Girl Toys Confuse a Boy?

I can find no research to suggest that playing with toys has any influence on a child’s gender. Kids figure out their gender really early in life—by about two years old. Many psychologists believe that children learn about gender primarily by observing the behavior of the adults in their lives. While toys can help children to express their feelings, explore new ideas, and review what they’ve learned, playthings don’t have the power to shape a child’s gender identity.

It’s worth considering that many girls play with boy toys, enjoy more “masculine” rough-and-tumble sports, and aren’t as interested in girly play. Most people don’t think twice about a tomboy, or worry that boyish toys will impact her gender identity. It seems to be easier to think about girls enjoying “boy stuff” than when the roles are reversed. A lot of this might be rooted in old ideas about masculinity that aren’t super helpful to today’s boys.

Different Toys Teach Different Skills

Kids learn about the world and develop their cognitive abilities through the toys they play with. Research has found that toys aimed at girls and boys teach each gender different lessons, and encourage them to develop different types of skills through play. If your aim is for your child to grow up well-rounded, with strong cognitive, creative, and spatial skills, it makes sense to provide toys that promote all these types of learning.

How “Girl Toys” Shape Child Development

According to a study on girls’ and boys’ toys, “girly” toys tend to focus more on physical appearance and attractiveness. They were also more likely to promote nurturing, caregiving play, and to help children roleplay household skills like cooking and cleaning. If a little girl is only supplied with super-girly toys, she might strongly develop her nurturing skills but miss out on other areas of development. She might also get the idea that her appearance should be a top priority if she’s surrounded by toys that encourage this trait.

How “Boy Toys” Shape Child Development

The same study found that boys’ toys were more likely to be competitive, aggressive, and encourage risk-taking during play. Boys toys were also more likely to teach children about spatial relationships, science, and how to build structures. If a little boy is only given hyper-masculine toys, they may be exposed to lots of violent play that could encourage more aggressive reactions in real life. He might also miss out on some of the nurturing and family-oriented skills provided by more girly toys, which are important skills for future husbands and fathers to develop.

Interestingly, this study concluded that the toys that provided the best cognitive, artistic, musical, and physical enrichment for kids tended to be gender-neutral or slightly masculine toys. This means that having a variety of more neutral toys at home, along with a few strongly “girlish” or “boyish” items, is a good way to ensure kids have opportunities to develop all the skills they’ll need as they grow up.

Toy Stores Are Moving Away From Gendered Toy Aisles

While researching this post, I learned that for a good portion of the 70s and early 80s, toy stores did not market strongly gendered toys to kids. Before that time, especially in the 40s and 50s, toys tended to be strictly advertised as intended for little boys or little girls. In the mid-80s, the trend was picked back up, which might explain why I remember toy store aisles being clearly divided along pink and blue lines. Today, big chain stores like Target are changing their approach to selling toys, dividing items by type (dolls, trains, blocks) as opposed to by gender. While may not change the toys a child seeks out on a trip to the toy store, it might communicate that no toys are off-limits to consider when shopping.

What If My Son Is Really Into Trucks or My Daughter Loves Barbie—Is That OK?

It is OK! Kids like what they like. Plenty of little kids genuinely enjoy and are drawn to the toys designed for their gender. A study of infants showed that babies as young as 9 months old start to show a preference for gender-specific toys. This may mean that there are differences in biology between boys and girls that lead boys to be more interested in toys with wheels and moving parts, while girls prefer more fine-motor and nurturing play.

However, there’s also research to suggest that kids also learn from adults about what toys are acceptable for them to play with. In a study of 4-7 year old kids, children who were shown pictures of kids playing with toys: one group saw photos of boys and girls playing with gendered toys, while the other group saw photos of children playing together with all kinds of toys. Later, researchers asked the children about what toys boys and girls should play with. Children who had seen photos of kids playing with non-gender-specific toys were more likely to say that any child could play with any toy than the ones who’d seen gender-divided photos.

The bottom line: if you have a boy’s boy or a girly girl, that is great! Celebrate what they love, and provide some gender neutral toys to help them expand their learning. If you have a boy who loves dolls or a girl who loves trucks, that’s great too! Provide opportunities for all kids to broaden their horizons, and let them know that it’s OK for girls and boys to play with whatever toys they’d like.

Want to learn more about play therapy and how toys can help kids express themselves? Read my page on play therapy or drop me a line to inquire about scheduling an appointment.

Emotion Identification Activities for Preschoolers: 4 Ways to Practice Naming Feelings

“Use your words.”

Have you ever asked a young child to do this? Me too! Preschoolers and toddlers are notorious for acting out their feelings through tantrums, whining, hitting, and countless other behaviors that can be stressful for everyone involved. One of the reasons why preschoolers often resort to physical displays of emotion is that it’s hard for them to put their feelings and needs into words. When you aren’t able to tell people around you that something makes you angry, it’s easy to understand why you might resort to showing your feelings instead! When children can say “I’m mad”, it' makes them less likely to show their anger in other ways, like hitting.

I wish I could say that helping your preschooler name feelings would magically resolve all tantrums and naughty behavior. That’s not the case. I do notice, though, that young children in my office are often familiar with feelings words, but have a hard time applying those words to themselves or other people. Learning to put names to feelings is an early goal for many of my younger clients, and it can help kids with disruptive behavior at home, too. Here are 4 activities to practice emotion identification skills with your preschooler or toddler.

Make it a Game

Lots of children’s games can be modified to incorporate education about feelings. In my office, I have a wooden toy fishing set (this one) with photos of different emotions taped to the bottom of each fish. Whenever someone catches a fish, they have to name the feeling and mimic the facial expression shown. Kids really have fun with this, and I’ve found that after repeating the game a few times, it’s easier for them to correctly name the feelings.

You can apply this idea to all sorts of games. Here’s a few others to consider:

• Memory game: print 2 pairs of each facial expression and lay the images face-down.

• Charades: take turns portraying different emotions with your child, and guess what feeling the other is trying to communicate.

• Simple games like Candy Land and Jenga that require drawing or collecting blocks or cards can be tweaked to include emotion identification. Add an emoji sticker to each block or card, or use color coding to prompt children to identify or talk about a specific feeling whenever a card of that color is drawn.

TV and Books as Learning Opportunities

Any children’s story has lots of opportunities to prompt kids to reflect about feelings. When watching TV or reading a book with your child, you can model how to think about other peoples’ emotions. This can make it easier for your child to identify feelings in themselves and others, and also helps to develop empathy. You might want to pause stories to ask questions like:

• How do you think the character feels when someone is not nice to them?

• What kind of face is this character making?

• What feeling is the character’s body showing?

You can also select books to read at home that specifically introduce the subject of naming emotions. One book that I particularly like is The Color Monster by Anna Llenas. It’s a pop-up book that is bright and engaging enough to hold the attention of preschool children. It helps kids understand emotions by linking each feeling to a different color.

Help Your Child Label Emotions

Young children aren’t always aware of how they are feeling in the moment: their feelings may be intense and sudden, but hard to express in words. You can help your child develop their ability to connect her emotions to the physical sensations she feels in her body by calling out feelings when you see them. It’s also useful to practice naming your own feelings for kids, and guessing about the feelings of family members. Comments like these can help children feel more understood, and make it easier to name feelings:

• “Wow, your baby sister smiled and laughed when you did that! It made her feel really happy.”

• “I can see that your hands are making fists and you are feeling angry right now.”

• “It must be scary to see those monsters on TV.”

When labeling feelings for young children, stick to simple emotions: happy, mad, sad, and scared are a great place to start. As children get older, they will be ready to talk about more nuanced and complex feelings like surprise, frustration, and jealousy.

Use Visual Aids

Before children master the vocabulary to name feelings, they can often point to how they’re feeling if shown some options in pictures. If you went to school in the 90s, you might remember that ubiquitous “How Are You Feeling Today?” poster that had a ton of cartoon faces showing complex feelings like “lovestruck” and “ecstatic.” A large number of choices and advanced vocabulary are not super helpful for preschoolers, but lots of options exist for simpler, less busy feelings charts.

You can find tons of examples of feelings charts online, or make your own at home by gluing feelings faces to a piece of paper, or tacking them on to a bulletin board. Consider adding the basic emotions (happy, sad, angry, scared) and perhaps a few others your child might be working on mastering, such as surprised, tired, nervous, or excited. Ask your child each day to point to how he is feeling, and follow up by naming the feeling he selected and talking about why he feels that way today.

I often use a strip of cartoon or emoji faces that looks like the pain scale used in doctor’s offices to help children rate how intense their anxiety or anger is at a given moment. This can help children to understand that emotions don’t always have to be the same strength, and that using coping skills can reduce the intensity of a feeling.

I hope this list has given you some inspiration to start talking about feelings with your preschooler in a more deliberate way. While a good emotional vocabulary can’t solve every preschool problem, it can definitely help. If you think your preschooler could use some more help expressing feelings in a healthy way, reach out to learn more about play therapy and child counseling.

Internet Safety for Preteens and Teens

This is my second post in a series on internet safety. For part one, click here.

It’s rare to see a tween or teenage kid today without a smartphone. They can be an essential part of everyday life, allowing kids to share music and messages with friends, as well as giving them a way to reach out to parents in an emergency. However, access to a smartphone comes with serious risks for teens and tweens: research shows that half of teens are cyber bullied and one third of teen girls are sexually harassed online. The addictive nature of cell phones and the dangers children are exposed to on the internet have led some experts to recommend waiting until 8th grade to give a child a phone. Regardless of when you choose to let your child have a phone, here are some steps you can take to help your tween or teenage child stay safe online.

How Can Smartphones Cause Emotional Problems?

Too much time in front of a smartphone screen can lead to problems with emotional health, relationships, and safety. While some risks, like the risk of predators online seeking out children, are well-known, other risks are more subtle and less easy to recognize. Here are some points to consider when thinking about smartphone and internet safety for your preteen or teen:

• Many apps and social media platforms are designed to be addictive, making it difficult for teens to stop using them once they’ve started.

• Screen time cuts down on the face-to-face interaction a teen has with other people. Over time, this can lead to reduced empathy and a harder time recognizing other peoples’ emotions.

• Influencers on social media may lead teens to be more materialistic and competitive.

• Teens whose phone use isn’t monitored are at risk for being bullied by peers, which can contribute to anxiety and depression. This kind of harassment is surprisingly common, with at least half of teens reporting they’ve experienced it.

How Can Smartphones Be Dangerous for Teens?

Totally unsupervised smart phone use can expose teens and preteens to adult situations that put them at risk of being manipulated or abused. While many teens will never cone into contact with a predator online, for those who do the affects can be very damaging. Here are a few statistics about teens and crime on the internet:

• According to the FBI, more than 50% of sexual exploitation victims are kids between the ages of 12 and 15.

• The majority of attempts to make inappropriate advances on children happen in chatrooms or on platforms where users can direct message each other.

• 1 in 5 teens in the U.S. say they’ve received an unwanted sexual comment or advance online.

Given these stats, what can parents do to parents do to protect preteen and teenage kids from harm online without smothering them? Keep reading for some tips on how to keep preteens and teens safe online while still allowing them some freedom.

Internet Safety for Preteens

Preteens (ages 11-13) are often eager to imitate older teenage kids, including by getting on to social media platforms like TikTok, Snapchat and Instagram. Many preteens chat with their friends by text or through apps, and online friends are increasingly common for this age group. This can put preteens at risk, because it’s impossible to know exactly who your’e speaking to online, and preteens are still very susceptible to being manipulated or scammed by adults.

You can support your preteen by keeping their computer in a public area of the house, rather than their bedroom, and by filtering and monitoring their activities using parental control software. Children this age don’t need to be on social media platforms intended for adults, even though they are tempting. Although kids this age no longer need an adult constantly supervising their activity online, preteen kids should not have any email or social media accounts that parents do not have passwords or access to. At this age, parents should also be reviewing safety skills with kids, including the danger of speaking to strangers online, giving out personal information, or agreeing to meet an unknown person in real life.

Internet Safety for Teens

Teenagers (14-18) are getting ready to live their lives independently, but they still haven’t developed all the problem-solving skills they’ll need to navigate the adult situations that can arise online. It’s normal for teenagers to push the envelope by seeking out edgy or inappropriate content online, but searches for adult content can increase the risk of a teen being exposed to danger. Teenagers lack the life experience and history that adults have, which can make it harder to make informed decisions when it comes to issues like cyberbullying, sexting, communicating with strangers, and making online friends.

Many experts recommend that a teen’s online activities should still have an age-appropriate level of filtering and monitoring from parental control software. Similarly, it’s still recommended that a teenager use a computer in a public area of the house, as opposed to a private bedroom where there is no supervision at all. Parents should educate teens on how to be safe and responsible online, and the risks involved with sending people bullying or explicit messages. Many teenagers develop online friendships, and they may be eager to meet their friends in real life. Parents need to stay in touch with their teen children about their social lives online, and it is up to parents to decide whether an (accompanied) meetup with a new friend seems safe or not. Finally, any purchases that a teen makes online should be reviewed and monitored by parents to prevent illegal activity, identity theft, or overspending.

For More Information

I frequently recommend Internet Safety 101 as a resource for parents who are deciding on age-appropriate internet rules for their kids. You can also read more about the Wait Until 8th campaign, which advocates waiting until 8th grade to give children a smartphone. If your child has been affected by online bullying or harassment, my resource pages on anxiety and trauma may give you ideas on how to support your child through the experience. If you’re in the Davidson, NC area and interested in counseling for your child, you can contact me here.

Mirrors and Windows: Why All Kids Need Racially Diverse Books

As I write this, we are right in the middle of Black History Month, and I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how I can be a better ally to my clients of color. What can I do as a white therapist, living and working in a town that is not very diverse, to better support these kids and families? One small step I’ve taken is to select images for my website, therapy office, and playroom that represent many races and ethnicities. My hope is that children who visit me in the office will feel that it is a place for them, regardless of whether or not they look like me.

Working toward this goal, I’m making sure that new toys and books that I add to the playroom reflect the children who are going to be using them. I believe this is helpful to all my clients—regardless of their background—because everyone benefits from better representation. Kids of all races need opportunities to see themselves in stories, as well as chances to see the world through other peoples’ eyes. In this post, I’ll be sharing 5 books that provide racial mirrors and windows for kids of many backgrounds, while also giving parents opportunities to introduce conversations about race.

What Are Racial Mirrors and Windows?

“Racial mirror” is a term that may be familiar to you if you’re in the adoption community, particularly if you’ve adopted a child whose race is different than your own. A racial mirror is a person whose identity matches yours, and who can reflect your own experiences back to you. Racial mirrors can help a child feel seen and validated, and also help them to imagine a place for themselves in their community and the world at large. White people have lots of opportunities for racial mirrors, usually in their own neighborhoods as well as in their schools, in politics, and on TV.

For children of color, racial mirrors can be harder to come by, especially if a child is being raised in a family of a different race or in a largely white community. While it’s important for all kids to understand prejudice, it’s just as important for all children to be able to see positive role models who resemble them. Studies show that students do better in school when they have teachers who are racial mirrors. For Black children, having at least one Black teacher in elementary school reduces the likelihood of dropping out of high school by 39%.

A racial window, on the other hand, offers children an opportunity to see into someone else’s experience of life. Children begin to learn empathy by putting themselves in someone else’s shoes, so getting lots of opportunities to see life from another perspective can help kids grow into more empathetic, caring adults. Having many racial mirrors might also help make us more skilled at solving problems creatively. Researchers have found that diverse groups of people are better at coming up with new and innovative ideas, because the individuals have gotten smarter about considering a problem from many points of view.

Why Kids Need Diverse Books

I often use books in the therapy room to gently introduce topics that might otherwise feel too overwhelming for kids to talk about. Books can make heavy subjects like trauma, grief and loss feel more manageable. They can provide kids with language to describe their feelings when faced with unfamiliar situations, like a new sibling or the first day at a new school. Most importantly, books help children know that they aren’t alone with their thoughts and feelings: other people have been where they are now, and have felt these things before.

Books aren’t a replacement for real-life role models as racial mirrors and windows. However, children learn through stories, and easily identify with characters in books. Reading stories together can be a meaningful and child-friendly way to give children more reflections of themselves, as well as glimpses into the lives of others. Because race is a taboo subject for many families, books can provide a good jumping-off point for conversations with children. Fictional stories give kids a safe remove from serious or real-life topics, which can make them less threatening to talk about. I often find that, after reading a book together, kids share takeaways that I would have never expected.

5 Books With Racial Mirrors and Windows

The following books are ones that I like, because they feature ethnically diverse children and also address themes common to children in therapy, like self esteem, friendship, and empathy:

The Day You Begin by Jacqueline Woodson

I’m obsessed with this book, and so is the rest of the internet. Maybe you’ve already heard of it! This story, written in verse like a poem, describes a girl’s insecurity about returning to a school where she feels singled out for being different. Along the way, we’re introduced to other children who also have reasons to feel left out. I love this book because children of all backgrounds can see themselves in it: white kids, Black kids, kids living with a disability, and kids of various economic backgrounds. The story is open-ended enough that it allows children to put themselves into the narrative, while also making it easy to discuss race and other differences. The text and illustrations are both beautiful, and make this book feel really special.

Even Superheroes Have Bad Days, by Shelly Becker

This cute, brightly-illustrated book uses a cast of superheroes to teach kids about how to handle strong emotions. If your child is into superheroes, this could be a great way to start talking about coping skills and healthy ways to burn off anger. The gang of superheroes as well as the people they rescue are a pretty diverse group, which makes this a nice option if you’re looking for books about feelings. Other books in this series have the superheroes tackling the issues of sleep and making mistakes, so if this is popular with your child, you have more books to explore.

Lovely by Jess Hong

I just added this one to my own shopping cart. The illustrations are, well, really lovely, and I can imagine this art style appealing to lots of little girls in my practice. I love that the author of this book is an Asian-American woman. Aimed at younger children, this book is light on text and heavy on illustrations, and uses contrasting words to show how all different ages, body types, hair colors, and skin tones are worthy of being celebrated. The only downside is this appears to be out of print, and is a little hard to find.

Sulwe by Lupita Nyong’o and Vashti Harrison

A beautifully illustrated and popular book co-written by actress Lupita Nyong’o, this book addresses colorism from the point of view of a young girl who feels ashamed by the darkness of her skin. This book has a fairytale quality and incorporates fantasy elements that help children connect with the story and elevate the message of the book. This book won a Coretta Scott King award for its illustrations, and is a New York Times bestseller.

All the Colors We Are by Katie Kissinger

This bilingual, photo-rich picture book gives young children language to understand the concept of race. I like that it discusses that our skin color comes from melanin and our ancestors, and acknowledges that members of a family can have different shades of skin. This seems like a great way to explore the subject of race and ethnicity that doesn’t split people into a binary of “White” and “not White”. I can imagine that children appreciate being able to see real photos of other children, and to get a chance to see themselves and lots of other kids reflected in this book.

More Resources for Racially Diverse Books

If you are specifically looking for books with racial mirrors for Black children, or books that celebrate the Black experience, you can’t go wrong with Coretta Scott King Award-winning books. This award is given each year to an African-American authors and illustrators of children’s books that “demonstrate an appreciation of African American culture and universal human values.” These books are intended for many different age ranges, so you’ll find picture books as well as longer chapter books and YA novels.

This list of 21 Multicultural Books About Feelings was a great resource for this post and has many more options for books with a therapeutic bent that also happen to feature a diverse cast of kids.

I hope this post gave you some ideas about how you can use books to help your child see themselves and others through stories. You can always reach out to me here with questions about how counseling can help children dealing with anxiety, trauma experiences, and other life stresses.

4 Coping Skills to Help Children with Depression

If your child is experiencing severe depression symptoms or is feeling suicidal, please contact 911, the National Suicide Hotline, or the Crisis Text Line.

As anyone who has experienced anxiety symptoms knows, anxiety and depression often go hand-in-hand. People who have survived a trauma also often have symptoms of depression, including hopelessness, numbness, or lack of interest in activities. Because of this, I often see children struggling with depression in my therapy office, even though I specialize in PTSD and anxiety disorders.

There are lots of coping skills for anxiety that can offer some quick relief, either by distracting a child from worries or by helping the body to relax. I think it’s a little trickier to find skills that provide “quick wins” for kids with depression. Maybe this is because anxiety often has a more sudden, intense onset, and depression tends to be a consistent feeling for a longer period of time. In this post, I’ve compiled a few simple ways to help a child cope with depression that are supported by research. While some of these may not be as simple or quick as a breathing exercise, building these habits over time can help boost a child’s mood and encourage positive thinking.

Depression Coping Skill #1: Schedule Positive Activities (Even if They Don’t Sound Fun)

Many people assume that depression is caused by a negative event in life: for kids, maybe this is a move, a divorce, or an experience being bullied. While it’s true that tough life situations can trigger depression, researchers who studied depression found that a lack of positive experiences can also lead to low mood. Kids struggling from depression often withdraw: an elementary schooler might prefer staying home to going on play dates, or a preteen might drop out of her extracurriculars. This can create a vicious cycle where the lack of positive, rewarding activities in a child’s life make the depression worse, which in turn makes it harder to get out of the house.

You can help your child by encouraging activities that are social, fun, or provide a sense of accomplishment. Therapists call this technique behavioral activation, and it’s a treatment for depression in adults, as well as kids. Even if a child is reluctant, scheduling these kinds of activities and sticking to them can have a positive snowball effect. Think of it like going to the gym: you might really dread going the first time, but once you try it, you’ll realize it wasn’t so bad. In fact, you might feel so energized that you get motivated to go back the next day. The same thing can happen for children: the first outing might be really hard, but they may surprise themselves, and have more fun than they expected, which can make the next activity easier and more fun.

Here are a few positive, rewarding activities to consider:

• Making a meal or a snack together

• Trying an art class, or another class related to a child’s interests

• Taking the dog for a walk

• Re-arranging a child’s bedroom

• A movie night with a friend
  

Depression Coping Skill #2: Talk Back to Negative Thoughts

Kids with depression are prone to ruminating: mulling over their negative thoughts over and over again, which makes their sad feelings more intense. Depression often exaggerates and distorts our thinking, making our thoughts too negative to be true. Kids can stop the cycle of ruminating by spotting these overly-negative thoughts, questioning them, and coming up with a more helpful and realistic alternative. This is called cognitive restructuring and it’s an important part of cognitive-behavioral therapy, an approach that helps people learn how their thoughts and behavior influence their feelings.

This skill is best for kids who are elementary-aged or older. Sometimes it is hard for kids to learn this skill on their own, because it requires them to think about thinking, which is an abstract concept. A child counselor can teach children how to master this idea and practice “talking back” to negative thoughts. I often use the picture book Tiger Tiger, Is It True? to help kids understand how changing their thoughts can change their feelings.

You can help your child catch himself when he’s thinking something too negative to be true, and encourage him to ask himself questions like:

• Do I have any proof this is true?

• What would I tell a friend who had this thought?

• Is there another way of looking at this?

• OK, it if really is true, would it be the end of the world?

If your child benefits from this form of thinking, CBT might be a great option to help them cope with feelings of depression, and learn to change the thinking patterns that can trigger sadness and low mood.

Depression Coping Skill #3: Add More Sunshine

Many people notice that their depression is worse in the winter, when there is less access to sunlight. Seasonal Affective Disorder, a form of depression that often starts in the fall and ends in the spring, can occur in kids as well as adults. There is a theory that sunlight might encourage the body to produce serotonin, a chemical that influences many processes in the body including our sleep, digestion, and mood.

For kids, outdoor play is a great way to improve mood and cope with depression. Children who play outdoors get more sunlight, but this kind of play offers all kinds of other benefits, too. A study by the American Medical Association found that “children will be smarter, better able to get along with others, healthier and happier, when they have regular opportunities for free and unstructured play in the outdoors.” Being more connected to nature can also be a mood booster for both children and adults. Interestingly, spending more time in nature has been shown to help kids with ADHD feel more relaxed and focused, as well.

You don’t have to go on a big camping trip or expensive vacation to get the benefits of playing outdoors: a trip to the park, playing catch in the backyard, or a walk on a local nature trail can be just as helpful.

Depression Coping Skill #4: Practice Good Sleep Hygiene

Therapists like to say that sleep, exercise, and nutrition are all important for treating and preventing depression. If your child is feeling down, it’s worth looking into all 3. I have personally noticed that many of the children I meet who are feeling depressed are also really struggling with their sleeping patterns. Often, these children are staying up late, having a hard time falling asleep, and as a result have really shifted their sleep cycle to start and end later than is typical. These kids often have to operate at school on very few hours of sleep, or end up sleeping all day and missing out on the daylight hours they could be spending with friends.

Insomnia is a common symptom of depression, so it’s totally understandable that depressed children often have such a hard time falling asleep. What makes this situation so tricky is that sleep deprivation can also make people more vulnerable to anxiety an depression, so disturbed sleep can create a vicious cycle that ultimately makes depressed feelings more intense. In addition, if a child is losing a lot of their daytime hours to sleep, it cuts back on their opportunities to socialize or get involved in other positive activities that can reduce and prevent depression.

Sleep hygiene is a term to describe many habits that can encourage people to fall asleep and stay asleep, leading to a better night of rest. These habits on their own may not be enough to completely resolve sleep problems for a child, especially if she is also struggling with bedtime anxiety, but they’re a great place to start. Here are a few things to consider if you think your child’s sleep patterns might contribute to depression:

• Stop using any electronics (phones, computers, TV) for at least 30 minutes to an hour before bedtime.

• Finish any soda or other caffeinated drinks 4-6 hours before it’s time to sleep.

• If your child is struggling to fall asleep, encourage him to read a book or try another quiet activity for a few minutes. This can help kids feel tired faster, whereas tossing and turning in bed can make children more angry or anxious, and less likely to sleep.

• Create a routine for your child that is consistent each night and can help her unwind, such as reading a book together and practicing a relaxation technique.

• Checking the time repeatedly at night can lead to more worry and less sleep. If this is the case for your child, put the clock or phone in a position in the bedroom where she can hear the alarm but can’t see the face or screen.

• Make sure your child gets enough physical activity during the day, so that they are ready to relax by bedtime.

Begin Therapy for Kids with Depression in Davidson, North Carolina

Depression is tough, but kids can and do bounce back from their low moods. Trying these coping skills at home can be a great first step in fighting back against depressive symptoms. Looking for a way to go deeper with coping skills? Check out my online courses, which teach coping skills to kids and tweens in a self-study format. You and your child will learn specific skills you can start using right away, and get tips on how to practice them effectively.

If your child is dealing with depression after a loss, my activity book for bereaved children helps caregivers support children as they work through their grieving process. It’s available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at local bookshops near you.

If you try these techniques and find your child is still struggling, a counselor can provide in-depth help and support. If you live in the Davidson, NC area and would like to learn more about how therapy can benefit children with depression, anxiety, and trauma, contact me here.

Internet Safety for Children: An Age-By-Age Guide

When I was three, my Dad brought home our first computer. It was an enormous, boxy thing that ran on MS-DOS and made screeching noises for about 5 minutes as it booted up. I was thrilled! Having access to games and limitless information was magical. Today, children are growing up in a world where they are inundated by internet access, and that access carries many more risks than it did when I was a kid in the ‘80s and ‘90s. I often hear that parents are questioning whether or not their child is old enough to go online, or how they can make sure their child is getting safe, age-appropriate experiences on the internet. Read on for tips on how to keep kids safe online, according to age.

Kids and Tech: The Pros and Cons

It can be tempting to try to keep kids off the internet entirely, to minimize the risk of them being exposed to dangerous or inappropriate situations. As scary as these risks can be at times, I think most children benefit from age-appropriate access to the internet. The internet has become most peoples’ primary source of information, and it can connect kids with tons of free resources to complete school assignments and generally learn about the world.

Lots of kids’ culture is now based online, and a child with no access to the internet is likely to feel left out of conversation with peers. I often hear from children that their desire to fit in with their classmates is their number one reason for wanting to go online or play a particular game. It’s important for children to feel like they’re a part of their peer group, and I think this is a valid reason to give kids exposure to at least some pop culture online.

On the other hand, there are very real dangers to unrestricted internet access. We’ve all heard horror stories about internet predators actively targeting children, sometimes with devastating results. Even if kids aren’t able to directly chat with anyone online, it’s very easy for children to come across violent material, hate speech, sexually inappropriate material, or even plain old fake news that can cause confusion. Often, children aren’t even seeking out this material but may stumble upon it anyway: for example, YouTube automatically queues videos to play, and has a bad track record of accidentally allowing disturbing videos into child-friendly feeds.

The internet is so pervasive now that it’s almost impossible to fully block a child’s access. Even if kids don’t have access at home, it is easy for them to sneak onto a friend’s smartphone at school, or get access in a public place. When internet access is completely forbidden, it can become “forbidden fruit” that is even more appealing to children. Providing structured, supervised access to the internet at a young age can help kids feel connected to their friends, while also teaching them safety skills that will help them navigate the internet more responsibly as they grow up.

Internet Safety for Preschoolers

Preschool-aged children have vivid imaginations, and it’s difficult for them to differentiate between what is real and what is pretend. Characters from TV, movies, and the internet can easily be frightening to young kids, and lead to nightmares and other anxiety-related problems. Preschoolers also don’t have the problem-solving skills yet to keep themselves safe online. For these reasons, it’s a good idea to put strict limits on screen time, and only allow preschoolers to use a computer if you’re sitting right beside them. Children at this age don’t need to be online, but Internet Safety 101 recommends that if you’d like to start teaching computer skills to your child, you can introduce them to age-appropriate educational games.

Internet Safety for Early Elementary Students

Kids in the early elementary school range (ages 5-7) are still working on separating what’s real from what’s pretend, and can still be prone to nightmares and anxiety from cartoon characters and other media. Most kids this age can already easily navigate a phone, type things into Google, and may even figure out how to make online purchases. For this reason, kids this age should always be supervised online. You might want to consider investing in parental control software to limit the places your child can go online, or limit them to a handful of websites you’ve already checked out and know are safe. Elementary school kids should never be able to chat with other people online, or give out any real information about themselves.

Internet Safety for Late Elementary Students

Older elementary school kids (ages 8-10) are maturing and crave more independence. Some kids this age may already have their own phone or tablet. Games like Minecraft and YouTube channels for kids are a huge part of popular culture for kids this age, but children this age are trusting and can still be easily tricked or scammed by adults online. Experts recommend keeping a family computer in a public area of the house, rather than in a child’s bedroom, and continuing to filter their internet access. Some kids may be ready to chat with friends on child-friendly platforms but shouldn’t be allowed to comment on sites with adults. Parents should still be supervising internet use, and can begin to teach kids about online safety.

More Resources for Kids and Parents

Internet Safety 101 is a fantastic resource for families that goes into more depth on how to help kids of all ages use technology in a safe way. I also recommend exploring options for parental control software to filter inappropriate websites, as well as apps like Bark that monitor kids’ computer and phone use for keywords that might signal a problem with bullying or other issues. If you’d like more guidance on this or other parenting concerns, and would like to hear about how counseling can help, reach out to me here.

Slimed Out? 3 Sensory Play Alternatives to Making Slime

I am fully on board with the slime trend. Slime is an easy way to add more sensory play to a child’s life. Sensory play—any kind of playful activity that engages the 5 senses—can be emotionally soothing and also helps children to develop and learn. I have to confess, though, that sometimes I get tired of slime. It is messy. It can be expensive. Sometimes you’ve got to take a break from burning through that much Elmer’s glue. If you (like me) occasionally feel a little “slimed out,” I hope some of these sensory play activities will be good alternatives to making slime.

Slime Alternative #1: Orbeez

What it is: Have you ever seen those little plastic pellets in potting soil? That’s what Orbeez are. These tiny spheres are made out of a plastic-like substance that absorbs many times its weight in water, turning into a squishy, jelly-like ball when hydrated. If you’ve ever had bubble tea, they look and feel similar to boba. They also remind me a little of fish eggs, which is kind of icky.

How to play with it: Kids love the squishy, wet texture of Orbeez, which have a similar sensory quality to slime. You can pour Orbeez into a big bin and play with them like you would a sandbox, using shovels, funnels, or other sand/water toys to move them around. Some kids love to submerge their hands or even their feet in Orbeez. We’ve also experimented in the play therapy office with making stress balls by funneling Orbeez into a balloon.

The pros: Unlike some slime recipes, Orbeez are nontoxic and biodegradable…but please do not test this by eating them! Because Orbeez are solid, they’re easier to clean up than slime, and less likely to get stuck on carpets or furniture.

The cons: Orbeez take a while to hydrate, so you can’t use them right away. Orbeez can be reused, but eventually they may stop rehydrating or become moldy, so eventually they need to be replaced.

Slime Alternative #2: Shaving Cream “Snow”

This “snow” is made by combining shaving cream with either baking soda or cornstarch to create a light, fluffy, snow-like mixture. It naturally feels cool to the touch, and can be packed and molded like the real thing. You can find a recipe here.

How to play with it: Kids may enjoy packing their “snow” into snowballs or making snowmen, especially if they live in a place where snow isn’t common. Children can also use miniatures in the snow for imaginative play. Sand and water tools could also be useful to dig and sift through the snow.

The pros: With only 2 ingredients, this is a much simpler recipe than slime. Because there’s no Borax, it’s less likely to irritate sensitive skin. Also, this white snow doesn’t require any food coloring, so there’s less risk of staining skin or clothing. I have found shaving cream is much easier to clean up than slime.

The cons: Not everyone is crazy about the scent of shaving cream. Although less likely to stain, you may still have some mess to deal with after playtime is over.

Slime Alternative #3: Dry beans, pasta, or rice

This one is an old favorite of occupational therapists, who often use play activities like this to help children with sensory processing issues. Dried beans, pasta, and rice can be a fun indoor alternative to a sandbox, particularly for younger children. You can buy these in bulk, and different types of beans will provide different color and textures, changing the sensory experience.

How to play: You can create a sort of indoor sandbox by pouring the dried item(s) of your choice into a large Tupperware container. Be sure to put a blanket or tarp underneath to catch any spills! Some kids enjoy hunting for “buried treasure” in the box, searching for small toys or plastic coins. Others might prefer to sort the items by color, which can also be a soothing activity. I’ve seen many kids try to climb in the box, which is a great sensory experience but has a higher risk for mess!

The pros: Because these items can be bought in bulk and last a long time, this is a cheap and effective option for sensory play. The dry ingredients won’t stain, but may need to be swept or vacuumed when playtime is over. Since all these items are food items, they aren’t likely to cause a problem if someone nibbles on one.

The cons: While they won’t mess up clothing or fabric, you probably will be left with some stray pieces to pick up or vacuum. This is a very different texture to slime, so it may not be quite as satisfying as a slime alternative for kids who want that squishy feeling.

More Sensory Play Alternatives to Slime

If you’re needing more ideas for slime alternatives, there are tons of sensory play suggestions online. Check out this site for more ideas for how to make a simple “bean box” fun and exciting for younger kids. This seasonal Christmas play-doh recipe is a little more labor-intensive, but also looks really fun for winter. To learn more about how play helps kids to develop learning and emotional skills, check out my play therapy page.

If you’re in the Davidson area, I’m always happy to chat more about the benefits of play therapy for kids. You can reach out to me here.

Are Imaginary Friends Normal?

Your child is excitedly telling you about her new best friend. They seem to be inseparable! You’re hearing all kinds of stories about their adventures, and even a few of their arguments. There’s only one problem… your kid’s friend has superpowers, has a strange name, is invisible, and is totally made up.

It can be jarring for parents when a child has an imaginary friend, especially if the child has gotten deeply invested in the friendship. Parents may wonder if their child is lonely, or if the friend is a sign their child can’t tell the difference between reality and pretend. In this post, I’ll talk more about the interesting phenomenon of imaginary friends, and why it’s totally normal if your child has one.

How common are imaginary friends?

Research on imaginary friends has found that about 65% of kids will have an imaginary friend at some point during childhood. So, if your child has dreamed up a new companion for himself, he’s in good company. Firstborn and only children are more likely than other kids to create an invisible friend, possibly because they are spending more time playing independently.

At what age do imaginary friends start?

Invisible friends are an extension of a child’s normal make-believe play. Kids usually start this kind of play in the late toddler or early preschool years, so imaginary friends can develop as early as two-and-a-half or three years of age. Studies have shown that kids between the ages of 3 and 5 are the most likely age group to have an imaginary friend.

How long do imaginary friends last?

An imaginary friend can be present in a child’s live for anywhere from a few months to a few years. For most children, imaginary friends taper off by late elementary school—around age 8 or 9. For a few kids, though, invisible friends can last much longer, even into the teen years. As long as an older child’s imaginary friend isn’t getting in the way of his or her social life, this can still be a healthy expression of imagination.

Imaginary friends are a sign of creativity, not loneliness

Kids with invisible friends are no more likely to be lonely than any other child. Although an imaginary friend may be a convenient form of entertainment on days that a playmate can’t come over, they don’t necessarily mean a child is unhappy or doesn’t have real-life friends. In fact, the more researchers learn about imaginary friends, the more benefits they find to having one. Children who have imaginary friends are often highly creative, and can easily lose themselves in stories. This trait can last a lifetime, leading kids to artistic pursuits later in life.

Because an imaginary friend is a heightened form of make-believe, it can offer children the same benefits as imaginary play. Children with a pretend friend are practicing social skills through role play, which can strengthen their real-life socializing with peers. An imagined friend can also be a source of support for children during stressful times, helping them to make sense of the world around them.

Also, in my own experience, kids are almost always aware that their imaginary friend is not real. If you ask about the difference between real and pretend, the child can easily differentiate between the two, and might even share with you that their friend is make-believe. Imaginary friends are real for a child in the same way that a doll or stuffed animal are “real”: the emotions feel genuine to the child, but she knows the difference between play and reality.

How to support your child’s (totally normal) imaginary friend

If your child has an imaginary friend, congratulations! Here are a few suggestions for how to navigate issues that can come up with a make-believe companion:

• If your child is blaming bad behavior on an imaginary friend, you don’t have to play along! It’s fine to tell your child this is not something that their imaginary friend could have done and to offer consequences as usual.

• It’s okay to have discussions with your child about the difference between real life and pretend. Kids with vivid imaginations can be prone to fear and nightmares from scary movies and stories, so reinforcing that scary characters don’t exist in real life can be reassuring.

• Try not to tell your child how their imaginary friend behaves. Invisible friends are ghly personal—they’re an extension of the child’s own imagination—so this can feel confusing or upsetting for kids. Instead, ask them questions about what their friend is up to, and follow along with your child’s stories about their friend.

Can an invisible friend ever be a problem?

An imaginary friend is almost always a normal, healthy part of child development. Rarely, it can be a sign of a deeper problem that needs to be looked into. Sometimes, children who experience trauma develop imaginary friends as part of dissociation—a way of distancing or disconnecting from reality during a stressful time. If a child’s imaginary friend says cruel or hateful things to the child, or encourages them to behave badly, this could also be a cause for concern. Finally, if a child’s imaginary friend is getting in the way of socializing with real-life kids, especially at an older age, it is no longer helpful to the child.

The overwhelming majority of kids with invisible friends will never encounter these kinds of problems. However, if you notice these traits in your child, it’s a good idea to review them with your child’s pediatrician. They may benefit from counseling or other assistance to help get back on track.

If you’re located in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina and you’d like to learn more about how to support highly imaginative kids through counseling, feel free to reach out to me.

How to Help a Child with Separation Anxiety

The first time your child told you they didn’t want you to leave, it might have been a sweet moment. Being sad to see someone go is a sign of a close, loving relationship. Maybe you offered a little reassurance and a few extra hugs, and sent your kiddo on his or her way. Lots of kids have worries about a parent going away every once in a while, but for some kids, these worries quickly snowball into larger fears that need extra help to resolve. When a child suffers from separation anxiety, it can get in the way of day-to-day activities and cause stress and frustration for the whole family.

If your child is struggling with separation anxiety, there is some good news: it’s totally normal and natural for children to want to stay with their parents. Children are hardwired for survival, and they know that their parents are the safe people in their lives who will protect them from harm. Almost all children go through a period of separation anxiety as infants and toddlers, and a lot of the time, the worries resolve by themselves once children learn that when Mom and Dad leave, they always come back.

Signs and Symptoms of Separation Anxiety

How can you tell if your child is experiencing a passing worry, or is struggling with anxiety that might need extra help? Here are a few signs that might indicate your child needs some extra support to move past their worries:

• You notice that your child appears much more clingy than other children his or her age

• The anxiety is keeping your child from participating in activities they want or need to do, such as school, birthday parties, or sleepovers with friends

• Your child’s worry seems to be getting more intense over time, or you are noticing more worries about other issues coming up

• Your child’s anxiety includes body symptoms, like headaches or stomach aches

If any of these bullet points sounds familiar to you, you might benefit from the ideas below.

How Parents Can Help Kids with Separation Anxiety

Stay calm: It can be nerve-wracking wondering if today is a ay your child is going to panic at school drop-off. Kids are really tuned into their parents emotions, and can often sense a parent’s anxiety. If a child sees that a parent is feeling nervous about separation, it can heighten the child’s anxiety, too.

Highlight your child’s strengths: It’s helpful to take focus away from a child’s worries, and put the focus on how capable the child is of handling a difficult situation. Rather than trying to talk your child out of her fears in the moment, tell her you know she’s a strong, brave person, and she can do this!

Practice deep breathing: Learning coping skills, like taking deep, belly breaths, can help kids to calm their bodies and minds. This can help children deal with their stress, and might cut down on body-based symptoms like stomach aches, as well.

Don’t prolong the separation: Sometimes, the longer a parent stays around, the more a child’s anxiety rises. It can be really hard to make a quick exit and not stay to give extra hugs and kisses when a child is feeling nervous, but a brief and loving goodbye helps a child transition faster into his next activity.

Child Therapy for Separation Anxiety in Davidson, North Carolina

Need more help with separation anxiety? Whether you live local to me in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina or far away, there are options to help. My educational course for kids teaches coping skills to deal with anxiety and life stress, and you can stream it immediately so your child can start learning right away.

If you’ve tried these techniques, and are still having a hard time helping your child get separation anxiety under control, it might be time to contact a child counselor for some extra support. Therapy can be a big help for children with anxiety, helping them to strengthen their coping skills, express feelings through play, and gradually learn how to separate from their parents or loved ones without fear.

If your family is in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina, please feel free to reach out to learn more about how counseling can help kids work through separation anxiety. I can also provide online therapy to kids in other parts of the state, as well as in New York and Florida. With some help and support, kids can feel more confident at school drop-off, sleepovers, and other independent activities.

Anger Management: 3 Coping Skills for Kids

There’s a trick question that I love to ask kids who visit my office struggling with anger: Do you think anger is good or bad? If someone is looking for coping skills to help with anger management, it must be a bad thing to have, right?

I really believe that anger is a good thing for a person to have. It may not be comfortable to feel, but it serves an important purpose. Anger lets us know when something is unfair or unjust. It gives us the energy to persevere at something, even when the task is challenging. It can help us defend ourselves during an emergency. If someone never experienced anger, they’d probably be in trouble.

On the other hand, anger can come out in all kinds of unhelpful ways. When children express anger through destructive behavior or by hurting others, it can damage their relationships as well as their self-esteem. In this post, I’ll share 3 coping skills for anger management that children can use to channel their angry powers for good, instead of getting in trouble.

Anger Management Coping Skill #1: Non-Angry Physical Activity

It’s not a big surprise that exercise can help get angry feelings out. Sometimes, kids are encouraged to do something like punch a pillow or rip up paper when they’re mad. While this works just fine for some kids, it’s not the best option for others. Some kids with really intense anger find that these kinds of activities actually fuel their anger. Because punching and ripping are angry gestures, it can create a kind of feedback loop that keeps the anger going.

For these kids, physical activity that has nothing to do with anger is a better bet. Simple physical movement like jumping jacks, running in place, or hopping onto a bike can all be good options for burning off anger. It can also be helpful to encourage kids to be mindful while they are moving: if a child is running in place while thinking about how angry she is at her sister, it’s less likely to help. If the child really focuses on the task of running, her anger might burn off more quickly.

Anger management Coping Skill #2: Journaling

Writing down feelings instead of saying them aloud can be a great option for kids who tend to blurt things when angry that they’ll regret later. Writing these angry thoughts down helps “get them out” without necessarily having to share them with someone else. I think this type of journaling is best done by hand, because handwriting helps connect the person to what they are writing and slows down a person’s thought process.

Once a child has cooled off, he can reread his thoughts and decide if there’s anything in them worth bringing up in a conversation. Recording angry thoughts can also be a great way to spot the exaggerations and distorted thinking that leads to intense anger in the first place. Children can use journaling both to cope with angry feelings, and to learn more about the way the brain can play tricks on us when we’re angry.

Anger Management Coping Skill #3: Positive Self-Talk

A short, simple phrase can put a more realistic spin on situations that trigger anger. Often, when a child is angry, her thoughts exaggerate how bad a situation really is. Kids may find themselves thinking things like “I never get what I want”, “I hate this”, or “This is no fair.” Thoughts like this are usually too negative to be entirely true, and they can intensify anger.

Kids can come up with a statement to say to themselves to help them cope with these angry thoughts. Something like “I can handle this”, “It’s not a big deal”, or “This isn’t worth getting in trouble for” can help a child to self-soothe, and remind her that she doesn’t have to believe everything she thinks.

This is a technique that is borrowed (and slightly tweaked) from the book What to Do When Your Temper Flares, a self-help book to help children deal with anger. I love this book, and if this technique works well for your child, it’s worth checking out.

More Coping Skills Help for Anger Management

If you are looking for more anger management coping skills for kids, you may want to also check out my previous blog post on coping skills for anxiety. Most coping skills are versatile, and can help kids manage pretty much any strong emotion.

Looking for more tools for your child’s toolbox? My online coping skills self-help courses help kids learn strategies they can use to self-soothe when anger or strong feelings strike. These skills grow with your child, equipping them with skills to handle difficult situations both now and in the future.

If you’re looking for help for a child with anger in Davidson, NC, feel free to reach out to me here. I love meeting with kids in my counseling office, and also see kids throughout North Carolina, New York, and Florida for online therapy.

Why is my kid obsessed with slime?

If you are a millennial like me, you might remember Gak. It was a toy sold by Nickelodeon in the 1990s, and came packaged in brightly colored plastic containers. It was more goopy than play-dough, more stretchy than silly putty, and if you squeezed it…it made rude-sounding noises. Old TV ads for Gak show a dowdy old teacher recoiling in disgust as kids stretch and squeeze their slimy toy.

I was OBSESSED WITH GAK. And so were a lot of other kids! If only I had known that you can make this squishy product at home with Elmer’s glue and Borax. I would have been swimming in it. Like so many other things from the 90s, Gak is cool again. Kids today are obsessed with slime: they make it at home using household ingredients like contact solution and shaving cream. They buy it from the store in a rainbow of colors and textures. There are even Etsy shops dedicated to selling artisanal slime.

Slime is messy. It can dry up and get stuck on carpets and furniture. It can stain fabric and skin. It uses up lots of ingredients and can get expensive to make. Have we all become the Nickelodeon teacher, turning our nose up at slime? Why are kids of all ages so fascinated by this gooey stuff? In this post, I’ll be looking into why kids are so obsessed with slime, and how it could actually help their mental health.

What are the benefits of slime?

It is true that slime has some downsides: it’s messy, it can be expensive, and it can get tiring to keep sacrificing bowls and utensils to a child’s slime-making pursuits. On the other hand, making and playing with slime can have some real benefits for kids, including the following:

• Manipulating slime and measuring ingredients can strengthen fine motor skills.

• Experimenting with slime recipes helps kids learn about cause and effect, and how to deal with failure. If a child doubles the glue or adds extra glitter, it could result in a “slime fail”, but the child has learned something about trying new things.

• It’s an appealing alternative to screen time. Many kids are so interested in slime that they’ll happily give up some TV or video game time to make it.

• Many kids say that slime has a calming, focusing quality. Slime is a form of sensory play, meaning it stimulates the senses. Sensory play can be soothing for kids, and is often used in play therapy for this reason.

Kids need sensory play

Today’s children have less time to play outside, shorter school recess, and more screen-based time than the generations before them. All of this equates to fewer opportunities to be messy. When was the last time you saw a child make a mud pie? “Messy” play experiences, like slime, are a form of sensory play that enriches a child’s awareness of their bodies and senses. Kids need this kind of play to grow and develop, and many children aren’t getting enough.

Slime helps kids get in touch with almost all the senses: they focus on how it feels, sounds, looks, and smells. This can lead to more self-awareness, as well as awareness about the world around them. Sensory play also helps children to develop: it’s been shown to boost language skills, problem solving skills, and cognitive abilities. The unmet need kids have for this kind of healthy play may explain the current obsession with slime.

Slime promotes mindfulness and grounding

When a child is focused on the tactile experience of playing with slime, they aren’t focused on their thoughts. Getting immersed in a sensory activity, like slime, can help kids focus on their experience in the present moment, rather than worrying about the future or replaying the past events of their day.

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware and accepting of what is happening in the present. It’s a simple concept, but it can be difficult to do. Mindfulness is often taught to adults and children as a way to handle overwhelming feelings like anxiety, and to help people feel more relaxed and focused in daily life. Focusing on body sensations is one way of practicing mindfulness, and so slime play can be a mindful experience for kids.

Grounding skills are anything that a person can do to help them feel more “rooted” or “grounded’ in the present, rather than allowing their mind to drift elsewhere. Grounding skills are often used with people following a trauma, to help them feel more secure and manage flashbacks. Sometimes, people are coached to give themselves a strong sensory experience, like a hot shower or holding a cold ice cube, as a form of grounding. Although it’s not exactly a grounding technique, I think slime provides a similar sensation that could have a grounding effect for kids.

At what age do kids become obsessed with slime?

As far as I can tell, kids of almost every age are interested in slime. It’s one of the only activities in my office that appeals to preschoolers as well as preteens. Slime is so much a part of kid culture right now that children of all ages know what it is. I have even had older teens request to go to the playroom to try out making slime. Interestingly, slime is becoming increasingly popular with adults, too: a pop-up shop just opened in New York City targeting grown-up fans of slime. It seems like everyone could use more sensory play in their lives, regardless of age.

Can slime ever be dangerous?

Some slime recipes include ingredients like Borax, which are not safe to eat and can cause irritation to the skin in large quantities. I recommend that young children should always be supervised when playing with slime, and it should be stored safely away from toddlers and young children who might be tempted to eat it. For most people, the small amount of Borax in slime is not likely to cause irritation, but I always wash my hands (and children’s hands) when finished playing, just in case.

Slime in play therapy

I always keep slime ingredients on hand in my therapy playroom. It’s a great way to break the ice when welcoming a new child into play therapy. Because the sensory element of slime is relaxing, it can help kids relax and feel more comfortable in a new situation. Slime can also help kids to self-soothe after a session that has been “deep” or difficult. It can give children a sense of control over their environment, since they get to control what goes into the mix. Finally, it’s just plain fun for kids, and fun in itself can be therapeutic. I find that many kids really enjoy slime for the first few sessions in therapy, and then are ready to move on to other things.

If you’re curious about how sensory play and play therapy can help kids become more mindful, you may want to check out my page on play therapy. This list of 31 activities is also a great jumping-off point for sensory play at home. If you’re located in the Lake Norman area in North Carolina and would like to talk more about how play therapy could help your child, you’re welcome to contact me.

PANS and PANDAS: A Cause of Sudden OCD in Kids?

I have a confession: I have been a child counselor for a while now, and I had never heard of PANS or PANDAS until fairly recently. It wasn’t covered in my graduate school program, or in my postgrad training. As far I was concerned PANS and PANDAS were kitchen implements and cute fuzzy bears from China.

All of a sudden, this year I began receiving many calls from parents looking for help for their kids who had been diagnosed with one of these two conditions. In this post, I’ll share what I’ve learned about PANS and PANDAS as a possible cause of sudden-onset OCD symptoms in kids. I’ll also let you know how therapy can help.

What Are PANS and PANDAS?

PANS stands for Pediatric Acute-Onset Neuropsychiatric Syndrome. In a child with PANS, anxiety and OCD-type symptoms develop very suddenly and severely due to an infection that has affected the child’s neurological system. Many types of infections are linked to PANS, including some fairly common ones like mononucleosis and Lyme disease.

PANDAS, or Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Syndrome Associated with Streptococcus, is a form of PANS. In PANDAS patients, the child’s rapid-onset symptoms are believed to be caused by the Strep A bacteria. Some researchers believe that PANDAS and is an autoimmune condition, in which the child’s body is attacking the brain instead of the bacteria causing the infection.

PANDAS was first identified in 1998, making it a relatively new condition. Because it’s so new, doctors and therapists are still learning about the causes of PANDAS and how best to help affected children.

What Are the Symptoms of PANS and PANDAS?

The most important detail to remember about PANDAS and PANS is that the symptoms come on very quickly. Usually, OCD and anxiety disorder symptoms develop gradually, over the course of months or years. Parents of children with PANDAS and PANS often describe the symptoms as almost coming out of the blue, developing over a weekend or a few days. These symptoms can quickly become so severe that they start to interfere with the child’s day-to-day life.

According to the International OCD Foundation, symptoms of PANS and PANDAS can include:

• Symptoms of OCD, like ritualized behavior or repeated worries

• Anxiety symptoms, like sudden separation anxiety

• Tics and other unusual movements, or problems with coordinated movement like handwriting

• Changes in eating and bathroom habits

• A recent strep infection (or other infection, in the case of PANS)

How are PANDAS and PANS Diagnosed and Treated?

PANDAS and PANS are diagnosed by a medical doctor. If the doctor thinks a child’s symptoms sound like they could be PANDAS, they will order tests like a throat culture or blood test that can detect a recent strep infection. If these tests come back positive, a doctor may choose to prescribe antibiotics to treat the infection. If child’s symptoms are due to PANDAS, they should subside along with the strep. PANS is diagnosed in a similar fashion, with tests and medications prescribed according to the infection that is suspected to be causing problems. Sometimes, when a child’s symptoms aren’t responding well to other medicines, doctors will use a more in-depth treatment called intravenous immunoglobulin (IVIG).

Doctors also often recommend therapy for PANS and PANDAS patients to treat the symptoms of anxiety and OCD caused by the illness. Although PANS and PANDAS may have a different cause than other anxiety disorders, kids with these conditions can still get relief from their symptoms with counseling.

Controversies: Are PANS and PANDAS Real Illnesses?

Because PANDAS and PANS are so new, doctors and researchers still are not in total agreement about what causes them. Some doctors are very convinced that strep and other infectious illnesses are the cause of PANS and PANDAS, while others feel there isn’t enough evidence yet to be certain. Some doctors feel more comfortable than others prescribing antibiotics to treat PANS and PANDAS symptoms, especially if the testing shows that the infection wasn’t extremely recent.

I’m not a medical doctor so I can’t speak to what really causes PANDAS and PANS or the best way to medically treat it. I do know that many children have had these symptoms since doctors first identified PANDAS in 1998, so whatever the cause, the problems children are suffering from are real. I also know that counseling, especially cognitive behavioral therapy, can be really helpful for these children.

Can PANS and PANDAS be Cured?

PANS and PANDAS are believed to be curable. Usually, if the symptoms are being caused by an infection, they get a lot better when the infection is treated. Counseling can also support kids in recovering from PANS and PANDAS and help them resolve any remaining anxiety after their medical treatment is done.

CBT for Children with PANS and PANDAS

Therapy can be helpful for kids with PANDAS and PANS for a few reasons:

• Learning coping skills to deal with anxiety might help symptoms resolve more quickly.

• Sometimes, even after medical treatment a child still shows signs of separation anxiety or OCD-type worrying. For these kids, the anxiety might have become a habit. They may have avoided the things causing their anxiety for so long, that now it is difficult to get back into their normal routine.

• PANS and PANDAS can be really frightening for kids. Children sometimes describe feeling out of control of their bodies. Having some support to work through the experience of suddenly getting sick can also help children to feel better.
  

Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, is often recommended for kids with PANDAS and PANS. This kind of therapy helps children to notice when they’re having unhelpful thoughts that lead to worrying, and learn how to face their fears rather than avoiding them. It’s more goal-oriented and structured than some other forms of child therapy, so kids can really focus on the triggers for their anxiety.

ERP for Kids with OCD Symptoms Due to PANS and PANDAS

For children who have sudden-onset OCD symptoms, a special kind of CBT called Exposure and Response Prevention, or ERP, is often the best fit. This kind of therapy helps children to gradually face the fears that set off OCD worries and behavior. Children learn how to handle triggering situations without resorting to rituals or repeated behavior to help calm them down. Over time, kids feel more in control of their thoughts and less bothered by worries.

Help for PANS and PANDAS in Davidson, North Carolina

I’m a counselor who practices in Davidson, North Carolina, where I specialize in using CBT to help children combat anxiety. If you’d like to hear more about how I might be able to help your child with PANS or PANDAS, reach out to me here.

Not located near Davidson? I can provide online therapy throughout North Carolina, New York, and Florida. I also have an online coping skills course for kids with anxiety called Worry-Free Tweens. Because it’s education-based and not therapy, it’s available everywhere.

You can also get more in-depth information by checking out the references below.

International OCD Foundation’s PANDAS Page
Parents.com’s feature on PANDAS
PANDAS Physicians Network on how CBT helps PANDAS

3 Quick and Easy Coping Skills for Kids with Anxiety

In therapy as in life, there’s no such thing as a quick fix. Helping a child work through anxiety or trauma is a gradual process, and a child often needs lots of time to grow, learn new ways of thinking about things, and make sense of experiences. When working with kids, it helps to be patient.

But what about the times when patience isn’t going to cut it? What if your child is in the middle of a panic attack, and you need help right now? Or you’ve only recently started therapy, nut there’s an event looming in the near future that you know is likely to trigger anxiety? These situations are what coping skills are made for. Read on to learn 3 easy coping skills for kids with anxiety that can be used any time, anywhere.

What’s a Coping Skill, Exactly?

“Coping skill” is a broad term for any healthy habit or activity a person uses to manage strong feelings. They turn down the volume on anxious thoughts, so a child can carry on with her day. They are used deliberately when a person is feeling anxious, stressed, or angry as a way to cool off their feelings, so the person can think more clearly or get through a difficult situation. Coping skills can also be an alternative to unhealthy or even harmful behavior that some people resort to when feeling overwhelmed.

Meditation, mindfulness, physical activity, and creative arts activities all fall under the umbrella of coping skills kids with anxiety or other mental health concerns might use to manage their emotions. Lots of coping strategies help kids to focus on their breath or objects around them to help them take their attention off their anxious feelings, and focus them on something else.

Teaching a child coping skills won’t address the underlying cause of anxiety or trauma symptoms. However, helping a child learn to relax, self-soothe, and focus their attention elsewhere is a critical skill. . Over time, coping skills can build resilience and keep kids from having strong reactions when they feel stressed.

Why Do Kids with Anxiety Need Coping Skills?

When a child is very anxious, her brain and body are in fight-or-flight mode. Fight-or-flight is a natural response that is hardwired in all of us to help keep us safe from danger, giving us a big surge of adrenaline and other hormones that quickly get us ready to fight off an attacker or run for our lives. Fight-or-flight affects many systems in the body, including heart rate, sweating, breath, and digestion.

An anxious kid’s fight-or-flight response isn’t working quite the way it should. It’s going off at the wrong times, putting him in this physically uncomfortable state when he doesn’t need to be there. While coping skills can’t change the circumstances making a child anxious, they can help to change the fight-or-flight response.

Coping skills help anxious children to relax in both the short- and long-term. They help the child to calm down right away, lessening the anxiety and panic so that the child can decide how to handle a situation. They can also help in the long run: the more a child practices a coping skill, the more effective it becomes. Some children with anxiety find that when they practice coping skills regularly, their fight-or-flight response becomes less sensitive.

How Coping Skills Work for Anxious Children

Coping skills can work in a few ways:

• They can help kids to relax: coping skills are a great way for kids with anxiety to calm their fight-or-flight response.

• They buy kids time: they give children an opportunity to pause and consider all their options before making a decision.

• They shift a child’s focus: coping skills often help a child put his attention on something outside of himself, which can help to reduce worries.

Coping Skill for Anxiety #1: Breathing in a Box

Breathing in a box is a simple way to teach children how to breathe slowly and mindfully. Draw a square on a piece of paper, and have your child trace their finger around the shape.

As your child moves his finger up one side of the square, he can breathe in on a count of 4. Next, hold the breath for a count of four as his finger moves along the top of the square. As his finger moves down the side, breathe out on a count of 4. Finally, rest for a count of 4 as his finger moves along the bottom of the box, before starting the breath cycle again.

The full cycle would look like this: Breathe in 1-2-3-4, Hold 1-2-3-4, Breathe out 1-2-3-4, Rest 1-2-3-4.

Coping Skill for Anxiety #2: Squeeze and Relax

Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or “squeeze and relax”, is a popular coping skill used to help kids struggling with anxiety, trauma, and insomnia. When a child is anxious or afraid, the muscles of the body tense up, which can lead to headaches, stomach aches, and other bodily symptoms of stress. Squeezing and releasing each muscle group in a sequence sends a message to the brain and body that it’s safe to relax right now.

To practice this, your child can start by squeezing the hands tightly (but not painfully) for a few seconds, and then relaxing. With just one squeeze there should be a noticeable difference in how the hands feel. Try the squeeze again, and then move to other muscle groups, like the arms, shoulders, stomach, and legs. Start at the top of the body and move down to the feet, before ending with one big, full-body squeeze.

Coping Skill for Anxiety #3: 5-4-3-2-1

This simple tool is particularly good for combating panic attacks as well as trauma symptoms like flashbacks. Grounding skills like this one pull a child’s focus away from the worries in her head and back to the world around her. Here’s how to try this coping skill:

Name 5 things you can see in the room or place around you
Name 4 things you can touch around you
Name 3 things you can hear (you may need to really pay attention)
Name 2 things you can smell: if you can’t smell anything after really trying, name your favorite smells
Name 1 thing you can taste: if you can’t taste anything, imagine what the last thing you ate tasted like

This quick skill can be used almost anywhere, since all it requires is use of the 5 senses.

More Coping Skills Resources for Anxious Kids in North Carolina

If these coping skills seem like a step in the right direction for your child, there are many more options to try. My educational course for anxious kids, Worry Free Tweens, covers these coping skills and other tools for managing anxiety in more depth. You’ll also find tips for parents so you can help your child to practice at home, and manage your own stress, too.

If you feel like your child needs more support, or other issues insomnia or back-to-school anxiety are making life complicated, therapy can help. I love helping anxious kids learn strategies to handle their worries. If you’re in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina, I’d love to help at my child therapy office. You’re always welcome to reach out to me, or to inquire about online counseling, which is available to kids in North Carolina, New York, and Florida.