Would Your Child Be a Good Fit for Dungeons & Dragons Group Therapy?

Have you ever wondered what help is available for kids outside of individual talk therapy? Social distancing has made many of us acutely aware of how important it is for kids to be around other kids. If you’re trying to find ways for your child to stay connected to peers during another few months (or more!) of online school, I want to introduce you to a quirky new kind of therapy you may not have heard of before. In this post, I’ll be sharing a little about how Dungeons & Dragons can be used in therapy groups, and how to tell if this approach could be a good fit for your child.

What Happens in a Dungeons & Dragons Therapy Group?

Dungeons and Dragons is a little bit like a choose your own adventure book come to life. Each player in D&D creates a character with their own unique strengths, weaknesses, and magical powers. These characters work together to navigate a fantasy world, solve problems, and generally get up to mischief and adventure.

Rather than following a pre-set story or rules, D&D players are making up their own story as they go. They’re helped in this by a “Dungeon Master”, who acts like a referee and emcee in the game. The dungeon master sets the scene for the players, gives them problems to solve, and helps them to build a magical world. A roll of the dice determines how successful the player is at whatever they’re trying to do, which adds an element of surprise to the game.

Dungeons and Dragons is collaborative, not competitive, and it requires tons of creative problem solving. This makes it a great fit for therapy groups, and therapists around the country have started incorporating D&D into group therapy sessions with kids and adults. Dungeons and Dragons is a great way to meet new people, practice communication and teamwork, and experience the satisfaction that comes from learning a new skill.

Is Dungeons & Dragons OK for Kids?

The name “Dungeons and Dragons” sounds a little…sinister. It conjures up images of a game that is heavy on gore and may not be suitable for children. If this is the reaction you had when you first heard about D&D, you aren’t alone! Just like rap music and video games, there was some controversy in the 80s about whether D&D was too violent for kids.

Name aside, there is nothing inherently age-inappropriate about D&D for kids. The game is all about imaginative play, and it doesn’t even have to include dungeons or dragons: stories have been set in all sorts of cool, child-friendly fantasy worlds, from outer space to fairy forests to fantasy worlds inspired by Studio Ghibli movies. Because the game is fully customizable, it’s up to every group to decide what content is okay and what is not, and how to handle violence.

Today, we know that there are many ways in which role-playing games like D&D support child development. Game play requires both math and reading skills, encourages teamwork and turn-taking, and gets kids see the world through someone perspective, which helps to develop empathy. Dungeons and Dragons promotes all sorts of positive social skills that kids can apply not just to the game, but to their day-to-day lives.

Who Is a Good Fit for Dungeons and Dragons Groups?

So, what kind of kid might enjoy playing D&D? Is it only for children who already really into nerd culture? Is it better for extroverts or introverts? What about kids who have never played the game before—could they figure it out in a group setting?

Personally, when I started playing D&D, I was not very familiar with anime, video games, or any other aspect of “nerd culture.” I had also never played the game before, and the rules seemed a little intimidating at first. Now that I’ve played the game for a while, I think the only skills you really need to be a great D&D player are imagination, creativity, and a willingness to play.

Here are a few signs or traits that your child might be an excellent fit for a Dungeons & Dragons therapy group:

• Your child loves getting lost in fantasy worlds like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars

• Your child is a “theater kid” who enjoys acting or performing

• …or, on the flip side, your child is shy and would love to make new friends, but isn’t sure how to reach out to new people

• Your child is imaginative and was always great at pretend play

• Your child would like an opportunity to practice teamwork, verbal communication, and taking turns

• You think your child could use the self-esteem boost that comes from mastering and succeeding at a new activity

Both extroverts and introverts can excel at Dungeons & Dragons, as long as they are willing to step a bit outside of their comfort zone to play around with new friends.

How Old Do Kids Need to Be to Play Dungeons and Dragons?

I usually see 12 being recommended as the ideal age to start playing D&D. The rules can be a little complicated, and kids need to be able to think abstractly in order to enjoy playing the game. In my own D&D group, I work with middle school aged kids from ages 11-14.

The right age to start playing depends a lot on your individual child. If your elementary school-aged kid has been playing other tabletop games for years and is a fantasy story fan, she may be ready to dive into D&D. It’s also possible to simplify the rules of D&D to accommodate younger players, which can be a fun option for families with mixed-age kids who would like to play the game together.

More Information on Dungeons & Dragons Therapy Groups for Children

If you want to experience some of the therapeutic benefits of D&D for yourself, check out Young Dragonslayers. This program started as part of my therapy practice, and has grown to offer online D&D to kids across the country with the goal of practicing social-emotional skills in a friendly, inclusive environment.

For further reading, check out my earlier blog post on the mental health benefits of D&D as well as Geek & Sundry’s helpful article about D&D therapy, which focuses on how the game can be useful for kids with social anxiety.

If you have any questions or you’d like to learn more about counseling, you are always welcome to contact me.

What Are the Different Types of Child Therapy?

“Play Therapy” is a catchall term to describe many different types of counseling that help children explore feelings using games, toys, and make-believe.

Considering therapy for your child but not sure where to start? This post is for you. Kids today have more options for therapy than ever before, which is definitely a good thing. However, it can also be an overwhelming thing when you turn to Google looking for a therapist only to discover a sea of jargon and acronyms. With so many types of therapy available, it can be tough to determine what’s right for your kid.

I love that families have so many different styles to choose from. No matter what your child’s concern is, there’s probably a therapy out there that’s been researched and proven to help. You can find therapists who teach practical, concrete coping skills, if that’s your thing. There are also therapists trained in forms of therapy that don’t require much language, for children who feel better expressing themselves in other ways.

There’s no one right way to do therapy, so this won’t be a ranked list. Instead, I’ll be doing a quick breakdown of 5 common types of child therapy you might encounter during your search. Even though there’s no such thing as “best’, hopefully you’ll come away with some ideas about what might be best for your child. All these types of therapy are valid, and they can all help kids and families change their lives.

Play Therapy: Exploring Feelings Without Words

Play therapy builds on a child’s natural tendency to learn about the world through play, so they can work through big feelings and difficult life changes without having to sit and talk for hours on end. Sitting on a couch across the room from a strange adult isn’t always the most natural thing for little kids. Play therapy is a wonderful way for younger children to feel safe and comfortable in the therapy room.

Play therapists like to say that “play is a child’s language, and toys are a child’s words.” With this in mind, you’ll see a wide variety of toys in a play therapists office that aim to give children a broad vocabulary to choose from. Expect to find nurturing toys, like dolls, aggressive toys, like punching bags, and creative toys, like art supplies. What you probably won’t find a lot of is electronic stuff: most play therapy toys are open-ended to encourage kids to play in avariety of ways.

So how is play in a therapy office different than play at home? Play therapists are trained to notice underlying themes that repeat themselves in a child’s play, and may give insight into how they’re thinking and feeling.

Within the umbrella of play therapy, you’ll find a variety of differen approaches. Some play therapists are child-centered, meaining they are trained to follow a child’s lead and let them set the pace for therapy. Others may incorporate education about feelings or coping strategies into play to help children learn new skills.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Tools for the Here and Now

CBT differs from some other forms of therapy because it teaches children tools, like mindfulness, that they can use in the present—and continue to practice in the future.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, is a form of counseling that focuses on helping people learn how to cope with strong emotions by changing their behavior or becoming more aware of their thinking patterns. It’s less focused on uncovering the past or figuring out why a problem evolved the way it did (although you might do some of this in CBT). Instead, the emphasis is on figuring out how to handle the problem now that it’s here, in the present.

One strength of CBT is that it’s an evidence-based treatment, meaning that there’s a lot of research to back it up and prove that it’s effective. Variations of CBT have been designed for pretty much every mental health concern. Exposure and Response Prevention is a specialized form of CBT for children and adults with obsessive compulsive disorder. TF-CBT, which you’ll read about below, is used for kids and teenagers who’ve survived a trauma. You’ll also see CBT used often with children dealing with anxiety, depression, or angry outbursts.

CBT gives children education to help them better understand their feelings and how they work. This can reduce fear and shame, and empower children to feel more in control of their emotions. They’ll also learn coping skills they can use during difficult moments to deal with their emotions in healthier ways. CBT skills require kids to be able to think abstractly—thinking about your own thinking is a complex skill! For this reason, it’s sometimes a better fit for older children.

TF-CBT and Trauma Therapy: Resilience and Storytelling

Children often need extra, more specialized support in order to recover from the after-effects of trauma. Highly stressful or dangerous experiences like accidents, illnesses, a death in the family, or exposure to abuse or violence can lead to long-lasting symptoms that don’t resolve on their own. You may notice a child having difficulty sleeping, experiencing big emotional outbursts, or regressing: going back to habits from earlier in childhood, such as thumb-sucking or bedwetting.

Children need to be able to share their feelings about what has happened to them in order to heal. However, traumatic memories can be very overwhelming. Trauma therapists understand how to help children gradually work through these memories in a safe way, so they don’t feel as confusing or hard to manage. This can happen through play, art, storytelling, or just by talking to a counselor.

Trauma therapy can also give kids and parents tools to deal with symptoms of PTSD, which can affect the whole family. One common form of trauma therapy for kids is Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or TF-CBT. This is a step-by-step approach that teaches children skills that build on each other, eventually helping a child to feel comfortable sharing their story with a parent or other supportive adult.

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy: Behavior Help for Kids and Parents

This is a special form of therapy designed for toddlers, preschoolers, and young children who are struggling with big behaviors and meltdowns. All little children tantrum, but sometimes these acting-out behaviors get so intense and difficult to manage that it puts a strain on the relationship between parent and child. This creates a vicious cycle of bad behavior, frustration, and disconnection.

Sometimes these behavior struggles are a response to trauma or stress, and other times it may just be due to temperament and sensitivity. Regardless of the reason, therapies like PCIT can help parents and children break the cycle of “bad” behavior, set appropriate limits, and enjoy more time spent together.

You can expect to spend a lot of time in the office with your child if you’re participating in PCIT. You’ll learn skills from your therapist to practice at home, and also get opportunities to use them in real time, with your therapist there to coach you through the process. The first part of PCIT is all about strengthening your relationship with your child through play and positive attention. The second is a set of discipline tools you can use to shape behavior without accidentally fueling the fire.

Expressive Arts Therapies: Use Mind and Body Together

Art materials give children a sensory experience that can help them stay grounded as they explore feelings in counseling.

Many kids (and adults) already know that the arts provide a mood boost. Mediums like dance, visual art, theater, and music can also be integrated into therapy to help children work through feelings and heal from trauma. We call this whole group of methods the expressive arts therapies, since they focus on creative expression.

Like play therapy, using art gives children a way to let out feelings they may not have words for, either because the feeling is too big or because they don’t yet have the vocabulary to do so. Music, dance, art, and drama are multi-sensory experiences, so they help kids engage their bodies and brains at the same time. This can be soothing, help children stay engaged, and even make it easier to process trauma.

Therapists can become specialists in any of the expressive arts, and use them as a way to connect with children in sessions. Your child doesn’t need to have any prior experience in a particular art form in order to do well in expressive arts therapy. All kids are creative thinkers, and therapy is focused on the process of artmaking rather than a finished product.

What’s the Next Step? Choosing the Right Type of Therapy for Your Child

Ultimately, the type of therapy you choose is going to be based on your family’s needs, and your child’s specific situation. As you’re weighing your options, you may want to ask yourself some questions, such as:

• Is my child still very interested in make-believe play?

• Are we the kind of family that does well with structure and direct advice?

• Does my child prefer to learn by doing or by talking?

• How is my child feeling about starting therapy? Are they self-motivated or a little unsure?

• Is there a specific event, like a trauma, that’s bringing us in to therapy?

• Is there a therapy option that’s tailored to my child’s specific concern?

• To what extent should I expect to be involved in this type of therapy, as a parent?

You may also want to check out my blog post on the differences between a therapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist to help you navigate those choices. Once you’ve got a list of potential helpers, this list of questions to ask your child’s therapist can help you interview them to find the right fit.

Options for Child Therapy in Davidson, North Carolina

Kids in North Carolina, New York, and Florida can participate in several forms of therapy in person or online through my Davidson, NC office.

If you’re located in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina, like I am, you may be interested in one of the different types of therapy I offer to kids in our region. At my child therapy office in Davidson, I help anxious kids and tweens through:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Anxiety

• Play Therapy

• TF-CBT

• …and one special form of expressive arts, Dungeons & Dragons Therapy

I also provide online therapy to children throughout the states of North Carolina, New York, and Florida. And if you’re further afield than that, you can check out my coping skills course, which covers my favorite strategies to help tweens with anxiety. It’s available on demand, wherever you live.

5 Things Your Child Learns When You Play Together

“Mom! Dad! Play with me!” If you are the parent of a young child, you’re familiar with this plea. Kids crave individual playtime with a parent more than pretty much anything else on the planet. We all know that “quality time” is important for families. And, if you’ve ever visited a children’s counselor, you’ve probably heard all about the importance of parent-child playtime from them, too. What exactly makes this play so special? When you play together with your child, you’re teaching them important lessons about themselves and the world.

Children Learn Through Play

Have you ever watched your child repeat an activity over and over again? Maybe your preschooler watched the same movie every day, or loved to repeat the same game for what seemed like forever. Kids repeat things in their play because they are using play to figure out something new. Play is one of the main ways the children learn. Even when it looks like they’re just goofing off and having fun, they’re also doing serious work that helps them grow and develop.

Social skills, fine and gross motor skills, and creative problem-solving are all learned or practiced through play. You are nurturing life skills when you play with your child, but you’re also nurturing your relationship. Play can help you and your child to bond. It can also teach your child important lessons about herself, and how you see her.

Play Lesson #1: “I Am Important”

Some parents are surprised to learn that setting aside time for individual play is so helpful to kids. After all, many children are with at least one parent all day long! Sometimes, it can even feel like there’s a little too much togetherness when everyone is cooped up at home.

Even if you and your child are together a lot, much of that time is spent multitasking. We have all “uh-huh-ed” our way through a conversation with a child while replying to a text, or half-watched a movie while trying to finish some work. That’s life! Nobody is perfect.

During playtime, however, all of your focus is on your child. You are totally present. Ideally, this means no phones or screens. When you do this, you are letting your child know that they matter to you. Their interests and feelings are important, and worthy of your undivided attention. This kind of attention strengthens your child’s self-esteem. It may also make it easier to handle not being the center of attention at other times of day.

Play Lesson #2: “My Parents Listen to Me”

As a play therapist, I help parents learn how to play with their kids as part of my work. Sometimes parents tell me they aren’t sure what to say while playing. How do you respond when your child is telling you about an elaborate Star Wars Lego adventure or dollhouse family saga?

When in doubt, you can always reflect what your child says back to them. When you paraphrase or repeat back what your child just said, it shows you are listening. Kids love to feel heard, and they don’t always feel like grown-ups pay attention to what they say. It is empowering to know that what you say is important enough to be listened to, even if the topic is Star Wars Legos.

Children learn social skills through play. When you listen to your child, you are teaching them to be a good listener by example. Over time, it can help them to be a better listener when you’re speaking, too.

Play Lesson #3: “This is What Good Behavior Feels Like”

Kids are usually on their best behavior when playing. And why wouldn’t they be? It’s fun, it helps burn off energy, and it gives children a chance to feel like they’re in charge for a little while. Whining, tantrums, and other forms of negative attention-seeking often seem to melt away. This is especially true when a parent is following the child’s lead during play.

Children are more likely to repeat behaviors that we pay attention to. All too often, good behavior gets ignored due to the business of everyday life. We might only stop to reprimand a child for negative behavior, and take advantage of quiet “good behavior” times to get other work done. This can mistakenly lead a child to believe that the only way to get our attention is by acting out.

Playing with your child gives you the chance to point out good behavior and reward it with a heaping helping of positive attention. Your smiles, praise, and focus lets your child know that you like what they are doing. That feels great! Kids can then mentally “flag” that behavior as something that got a positive reaction from you. This means they’ll be more likely to show that good behavior again in the future.

Play Lesson #4: “I Can Be Mindful”

Another trick I teach parents in my office is to verbally track what their child is doing during play. This is something that play therapists do all the time. “Tracking” means simply describing the actions you see your child doing. If you imagine a sports commentator talking about a game, it’s a similar idea.

Children are still learning to be self-aware. A lot of the time, they’re acting on their impulses and are not really conscious of what they’re doing, or why they are doing it. This can make it hard to be “well behaved”—after all, how can you change your behavior if you’re not aware that it’s happening?

Describing your child’s play increases their self-awareness, and helps them to be more mindful of their actions. We know that mindfulness is an important skill for helping children (and adults) to manage strong feelings without becoming overwhelmed. Being more mindful during play also helps active or distractible children to focus on an activity. You may notice your child sticks with an activity longer if you are narrating while they play.

Play Lesson #5: “I Am Loved”

The activity you choose for playtime doesn’t really matter. The warmth exchanged between you and your child is what’s most important. A lot of nonverbal communication happens during play: smiles, laughter, hugs, or pats on the back are common. Play makes it easy to feel and show affection, which brings up warm, fuzzy feelings for kids and parents alike.

Playing together strengthens your parent-child bond. It helps children to feel safe in their knowledge that you love them unconditionally. Feeling loved increases a child’s emotional resilience. It can make it easier for them to cope during periods of stress.

All this bonding has a benefit for parents, too. If your child has been challenging you with difficult behavior, it might be hard to summon up those warm, fuzzy feelings all the time. During stressful times, positive experiences with a child can feel few and far between. Setting aside time to play makes sure that those positive experiences keep happening even during hard times. Playtime can help you feel closer to your child, and make parenting feel more rewarding.

Are You Considering Play Therapy in North Carolina?

Individual playtime with a parent can work wonders for children. It can improve relationships, increase resilience during times of stress, and even improve tough behaviors. Sometimes, though, children need more help. A specially trained play therapist can work with you and your child to help you get through stressful times more easily.

Play therapy is a great fit for younger kids, because they still do most of their learning through actions rather than words. It can help kids with anxiety, trauma, and general life stress. If you’re looking for a play therapist and you live in North Carolina, New York, or Florida, I may be able to help. My play therapy office is located in the Charlotte area, and I also provide online counseling to kids in all three of these states.

You are always welcome to call or email me to learn more about how play therapy can help your child. If you’d like to go ahead and request an appointment, you can do that too!

What Age Can A Child Start Therapy?

How young is too young to see a counselor? Every week, I talk to parents on the phone who are trying to figure this out. Starting therapy can feel like a big step, and nobody wants to jump the gun. On one hand, a child may be passing through a phase that will resolve on its own. On the other, behavior struggles are tough for the whole family even if it is “just a phase.” In this post, I’ll unpack how old a child needs to be to benefit from therapy. I’ll also share tips on what to expect in counseling according to age, and signs that you should consider getting help.

The Younger the Child, The More Involved You’ll Be in Therapy

When you imagine what therapy looks like, you probably envision the patient sitting alone in a room with their counselor. Individual therapy is the most common form of therapy in the U.S., especially for adults. Things look a little different for kids in therapy. Depending on their age and developmental level, kids don’t always get the most benefit from working 1-on-1 with their therapist. As a rule of thumb, the younger your child is, the more time you can expect to spend in the room with your child’s counselor.

Parents are the center of a young child’s life. Little kids look to their caregivers to decide how they should think, feel, and act. Their connection with their parent is what helps them feel safe. Because your young child takes so many cues from you, it’s hard to create any lasting change in therapy if you aren’t kept in the loop.

Can Really Little Kids Benefit From Counseling?

You might be surprised to learn that special forms of therapy exist to help babies and toddlers with emotional problems. This type of therapy always includes the parent and child together, and helps the parent learn new ways to soothe their baby and deal with hard behavior. This can be especially helpful for young children who have survived trauma.

When I see preschoolers in therapy, I try to have parents join for about half the session. That way, we have a chance to learn coping skills together and problem-solve anything new that’s come up during the week. Most preschoolers are able to meet alone for part of their therapy session. However, they’ll need their parents’ help to practice the new things they’re learning in therapy at home.

For elementary-aged kids, it’s still helpful to have a quick check-in at the beginning of the therapy hour. Kids this age usually meet alone most of the time, but will still need reminders and support from parents in between sessions. I like to meet with parents periodically to talk about our progress in therapy, and discuss skills they can use to at home to help their child.

When Can Children Go to Therapy By Themselves?

Many preschoolers can benefit from individual play therapy. In my therapy office, I usually meet with 3-, 4-, and 5-year-old kids alone for half of each session. Preschoolers make sense of their world through play, and can’t always put their feelings into words. This makes play therapy a fantastic option for this age group, since it builds on a young child’s natural strengths.

I usually start seeing children for therapy by themselves around ages 7-9. By this age, kids have gotten used to separating from their parents each day for school. They are more independent, and much more able to verbalize their thoughts and feelings. Elementary school kids are also starting to develop more advanced thinking skills. This makes them a great fit for cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, which helps kids learn how to deal with overly negative thoughts and feelings. Parents of elementary school kids should still plan on meeting with their child’s therapist on at least an occasional basis.

By middle and high school, most kids are able to manage therapy almost entirely by themselves. Tweens and teens crave independence and have started forming an identity away from the family unit. Having an unbiased listener to vent feelings to in confidence can be really helpful at this age. While I still work closely with parents of tweens and teens, they don’t usually need to meet with me as frequently.

How to Tell if Your Child Is Old Enough for Therapy

Age isn’t the only thing to consider when deciding whether your child is ready for therapy. Every child is unique and develops at their own pace, so there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Keep an eye out for these signs to decide whether your child will benefit from one-on-one time with a therapist:

• Your child has started make-believe play: for example, they can use an object to represent something else while playing.

• Your child can communicate her needs to other people if you aren’t around.

• With help, your child can focus on an activity for more than a few minutes.

• Your child has started verbalizing thoughts and feelings.

Every child’s situation is different. If your child is meeting milestones at a different pace due to a health condition or developmental delay, they can still benefit from counseling. Look for a therapist who has training in helping children with special needs to make sure you have the best possible fit.

Signs That Therapy Could Help Your Child

It’s totally normal for young children to throw tantrums, fear monsters under the bed, or enjoy using the word “No” whenever possible. So how do you figure out when a problem has gotten big enough to consider therapy? In my experience, the fact that a parent is considering therapy at all is usually a sign that things have gotten too hard to manage.

You don’t have to wait for a crisis to call a therapist. In fact, sometimes it’s nice to get an outside perspective on the typical, every day problems of growing up. Even if you can muddle through a situation on your own, a therapist can help make things easier and less painful for everyone involved.

Here are a few indicators that therapy could help your child:

• Your child is struggling with her feelings more than other kids her age

• The problems are getting in the way of daily activities like eating, sleeping, play dates, or school

• Your child is having difficulty making or keeping friends, or getting along with siblings

• The problems started after a stressful event

• You’ve noticed that things are getting worse, not better

After you have thought about your child, take a minute to check in with yourself, too. How is your stress level about this issue? Are you feeling so overwhelmed by your child’s emotions that you’re not sure how to help her manage them anymore? Feeling pushed beyond your own limits as a parent is a totally valid reason to look into counseling.

Begin Child Therapy in Charlotte, North Carolina

If you are looking for a child therapist in the Charlotte area, I can help. I’m a children’s counselor and Registered Play Therapist who loves working with kids from preschool through the preteen years. You can meet me for individual or parent-child therapy at my office in Davidson, or join me online from anywhere in North Carolina, New York, or Florida.

Not in one of those states? I can’t provide counseling, but you may be interested in my coping skills class for tweens. It’s an online video course that includes step-by-step help for both kids and parents to better manage anxiety at home.

Have questions about getting started? Learn more about me here, or reach out by phone or email.

5 Classic Toys with Mental Health Benefits for Children

I am an easy mark for any toy that’s advertised as being educational or good for a child’s development. I’m a sucker for toy delivery services that promise to teach Montessori at home, or for dolls and toys that introduce a child to another culture in an accurate, respectful way. As I’m writing this, we’re about to enter the time of year when everyone gets inundated with ads for the latest, greatest new toys.

But here’s the thing: if you take a peek into any play therapist’s office, you’re probably not going to see any of these hot new toys, no matter how wholesome or beneficial they claim to be. What you’ll see are classic toys you probably remember from your own childhood: no frills, no bells and whistles, and probably no batteries required. If you’re looking to stock your child’s home playroom, here are 5 classic toys that encourage emotional growth and promote good mental health.

Baby Dolls Help Children Learn to Nurture

Rocking, feeding, dressing, bathing…baby dolls teach children how to empathize and care for others. Parents have to learn how to respond to their babies’ cues in order to give them what they need. When children play make-believe with dolls, they’re using their imaginations to practice this same important social skill.

Interestingly, when kids pretend soothe and nurture a baby doll, they’re also soothing and nurturing themselves. In play therapy, kids who have had difficult experiences in early life can use baby dolls to reconnect with a feeling of being cared for and loved. This probably goes without saying, but kids of all genders can benefit from playing with baby dolls: if we want all our kids to be loving parents and empathetic people, they need practice to develop these skills!

Play-Doh Encourages Sensory Awareness

I’ve written a lot in this blog about the not-so-hidden mental health benefits of the slime craze…I am all in on slime and it’s a staple in my play therapy room. But if you aren’t as thrilled by the idea of dried glue on every upholstered surface of your home, maybe Play-doh—slime’s older, less trendy cousin—is more your speed. Play-doh and other similar products, like modeling clay or kinetic sand, provide kids with a great opportunity to engage in sensory play.

Sensory play activities help kids get in touch with their 5 senses: scented markers, musical toys, and water tables are all great examples of toys that give kids interesting sensory experiences that go beyond sight. This type of play has been shown to help with motor and language development, but it offers benefits for emotional health, too. Focusing on sensory input is a form of mindfulness, similar to paying attention to the breath while meditating. Kids tend to get very absorbed in sensory play because they’re super aware of what’s happening in the present moment, rather than multitasking or letting their minds wander to other thoughts. This can have a soothing and focusing effect for kids who are feeling anxious scattered.

Dress-Up Clothes Let Kids Try Out New Possibilities

Playing dress-up is more than just make-believe fun. Putting on a costume allows kids to test-drive new ways of thinking, behaving, and interacting with others. Playing dress-up is a form of roleplay, which drama therapists often use as a mental health tool with both children and adults. Drama therapists believe that we all have roles we play in life that dictate our behavior: we probably behave pretty differently at school, at work, with our families, and when out with friends, for example. Children are still learning the social and emotional skills they need to operate in all these different settings, and dress-up gives them a chance to practice.

Thinking about the kinds of costumes kids choose for Halloween can provide good insight into the types of dress-up clothes that can be helpful for emotional growth. “Real life” costumes like doctor and firefighter outfits help kids to emulate adults in their life, explore their interests, and develop a sense of responsibility. Superhero costumes are awesome for building self-esteem and self-confidence: who doesn’t want to feel like Superman or Wonder Woman for a day? Even villain costumes have a function for kids, allowing them to experience feeling powerful and letting out aggressive energy in a safe and playful way. Consider stocking up on at least one costume in each of these three categories if you’re building a dress-up area for your child at home.

Toy Weapons Help Kids Vent Anger Safely

Whether or not kids should be allowed to have toy guns is a pretty fraught subject, and may schools, daycares, and parents have decided to ban them. It’s a complicated issue, and these days there are a lot of reasons why it may not be a good idea for kids to have toy weapons in public places. Nevertheless, I think there are some good reasons why toy weapons can actually be beneficial for mental health when used in a therapy playroom or at home.

Many parents are worried that playing with toy guns will encourage violent tendencies in children. I used to wonder about this, too! However, the research shows this isn’t the case: kids who play with toy guns do not grow up to be more aggressive than kids who don’t. In fact, playing out war or fight scenes may help children learn how to better understand and control their own anger. Children play things out in order to better understand them, and to develop a sense of control over their surroundings. When kids act out angry scenes, they are learning how to handle their own anger and safely express it in ways that don’t hurt people in real life.

Play therapists often say that “toys are a child’s words”, because kids often use play, rather than language, to work through their thoughts and feelings. Sadly, many kids enter play therapy after witnessing violence, and they often need toy weapons available to give them the “vocabulary” they need to express themselves. If toy guns feel too risky to have at home, consider getting a very childish, non-realistic nerf gun or another play weapon such as a sword, instead.

Play Kitchens Strengthen Parent-Child Bonds

Almost every child I’ve ever worked with in play therapy has enjoyed making pretend food to serve their parents in the play kitchen. Children imitate their parents as a sign of affection: they want to be just like you! Many kids see their parents preparing food all day long, and play kitchens give kids a chance to step into that grown-up role for themselves.

Similar to the baby dolls I mentioned earlier in this post, play kitchens give kids a chance to practice nurturing and caring behavior. Plenty of kids use the play kitchen to make meals for their dolls and toys, but play kitchens also get kids interacting more with parents or other adults in the playroom. In many families, food is love. Even though play kitchen food is pretend, serving food to parents or other special people gives kids a chance to express their own love and care. In play therapy, this kind of interactive, open-ended play is wonderful for helping kids and parents reconnect and increase feelings of attachment.

Learn More About the Emotional Benefits of Toys and Play

Children naturally use their play to explore their feelings and figure out the world around them. If you are looking for mental health support for a child in your life, play therapy is an option to consider. I provide play therapy to children in and around Charlotte, NC, and work with kids across North Carolina, New York, and Florida in my online child therapy practice.

If you’d like to learn more about play therapy or set up an initial appointment, contact me here.

Dungeons and Dragons as Therapy? How This Popular Game Helps Mental Health

During quarantine, many of us have been looking for activities to fill our stay-at-home time that feel more rewarding and productive than endless Netflix streaming. Many people are craving an escape from real-life stress and looking for ways to connect with friends that feel more personal than texting. Maybe it’s not surprising, then, that Dungeons and Dragons experienced a revival during the pandemic.

Although it may seem surprising at first, it makes sense that people are turning to D&D during stressful times. Dungeons and Dragons and other roleplaying games are increasingly popular tools in group therapy can help players improve their emotional and social well-being. In this post I’ll unpack how D&D is used in group therapy, and why it can be a benefit for mental health.

What Is Dungeons and Dragons?

Dungeons and Dragons, also known as D&D, is the most popular tabletop roleplaying game on the planet. It was invented by Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson in 1974, so it’s been around for a while and has built up a large following of devoted players. Players in D&D take on the role of a character in a fantasy world, and they collaborate with other players to pursue a goal, collect treasure, or defeat bad guys. Unlike most other games, there is no set path to take, and characters don’t just progress along spaces on a board. What makes D&D and other roleplaying games unique is that the players improvise to create a story together, and their choices affect what happens next.

The game is facilitated by a lead player, called the Dungeon Master, who describes situations for the players and asks them how they’d like to proceed. Then, it’s up to the players to decide how their character would act in a given situation. To add an element of chance to the game, players then have to roll a die to see how well their plan works. It’s not competitive, and there are no winners or losers: everyone works together toward a common goal. This can lead to surprising, funny, and even touching moments during game play that could never have been planed in advance.

Why is D&D Having a Moment Right Now?

Although D&D has always been popular in geek culture, it’s enjoying a moment right now due to the popularity of Netflix’s hit show, Stranger Things. Although the show is set in the 80s, the teen characters’ obsession with D&D has piqued the interest of 2020’s kids. Although it isn’t D&D specific, TV shows like Game of Thrones have also made fantasy stories cool, and helped to bring previously “nerdy” interests into the mainstream. Finally, podcasts like The Adventure Zone and Critical Role are bringing younger, more diverse people into a game that might have formerly been associated with older guys playing in a basement. Thanks to pop culture, D&D is cool again, and being played by more young people than ever.

What Are the Mental Health Benefits of D&D?

Play of all kinds has mental health benefits—it’s why play therapy has been used to help kids since the days of Freud, back when psychology was a new and emerging field. Play helps us to assimilate information we’ve learned, test new ways of behaving before using them in real life, hone our social skills, and boost our creative problem-solving abilities.

Although we might think of play as something reserved for little kids, the truth is that older children, teens, and even adults benefit from having playful experiences in life. Unfortunately, the older we get, the harder it is to find socially acceptable ways to play. D&D is an awesome, age-appropriate way for older kids and adults to recapture that playful childhood feeling and reap some of the same benefits that play has for younger kids.

Some of the possible mental health benefits of D&D are:

• Improved social skills with peers

• Increased self-esteem and self-confidence

• Ability to express yourself and your needs assertively

• Improved impulse control and practice with turn-taking

• Stronger creative thinking and problem-solving skills

What Makes D&D Work So Well in Therapy?

Although there are plenty of games in the world that aren’t just designed for little kids, D&D has a few unique characteristics that sets it apart from the rest when it comes to improving mental well-being. Here are a few reasons why D&D is so great when used in therapy:

• D&D is collaborative. Rather than competing against each other, players must find a way to get along and work together.

• Playing as a character who is different from yourself allows you to literally see the world through someone else’s eyes, which can build empathy.

• Because the game is based in role-playing, it’s a great way to try out new ways of interacting with other people in a low-stakes, fun environment.

• Playing the game tends to help people bond and build friendships. D&D provides a structured way to get to know new people that might feel less awkward than making small talk with a stranger.

• D&D players have almost unlimited creative freedom, which can be liberating. Do you want to be a 1,000 year old elf sorcerer with purple hair and a pet mongoose? You can do it in D&D.

How Does a D&D Therapy Session Work?

Usually, D&D therapy is group therapy: you need a team of at least 3 or 4 people to get the game going. Unlike other forms of group therapy, D&D groups tend to be pretty intimate, which makes it easier for players to get to know each other. It’s most common for therapy groups to meet on a weekly basis, but this can vary.

Typically, groups begin with a check-in for participants to talk out of character and connect with each other. This is a great time to share about how the week has gone, and share anything that has happened that might be relevant to the group’s goals. Once everyone is settled in, the actual game-play portion of the session begins, facilitated by at least one therapist who can keep an eye on everyone’s progress and make sure that everyone is having fun. After playing, the group ends with a wrap-up conversation, which can be a great time to connect what is happening in the game to the particular goals of the therapy group.

The actual time spent playing D&D can vary a lot: based on the age and attention span of the players, a session could be as short as 1 hour or as long as several hours! It’s safe to assume that most therapy groups will be on the shorter side.

More Info On D&D As Therapy

For more info on the mental health benefits of D&D, check out one of the following resources. Geek and Sundry has an awesome, in-depth look at how D&D can help kids with social anxiety get excited about going to group therapy. If you’re more of a video person, check out this interview with a D&D therapist to hear more about her work.

If you’re local to North Carolina, New York, or Florida, I may be able to help you get started with D&D Therapy! I co-facilitate a few groups for middle and high school students, and they’re a highlight of my week.

If you’re not looking for therapy, but interested in the social-emotional benefits of roleplaying, check out Young Dragonslayers, where my geeky colleagues offer online friendship-building D&D games for kids all over the U.S.

Why Playing With Both "Boy Toys" and "Girl Toys" Is Good for Kids

I really believe that kids benefit from having access to a diverse array of toys, regardless of their gender. Play therapists are fond of saying that “toys are a child’s words.” If this is the case, why not supply them with the broadest vocabulary we can? In this post, I’ll be digging into whether there really is such a thing as “boy toys” and “girl toys” and sharing some of the benefits of giving kids of all genders more play options.

Common Myths About Raising Boys

Not too long ago I was quoted in an article about old wives’ tales related to raising boys. While everyone has different values as a parent, some of the preconceived ideas we have about boys may not just be outdated, but actually negatively impacting their mental health. We inherit a lot of our ideas about gender from our own parents, which makes it easy for them to go unexamined. Their influence on our behavior can be pretty subtle, too, and we may pass on unhelpful ideas to kids without even realizing it.

One common misconception I hear in my therapy office is that playing with stereotypically “girly” toys might be damaging to boys or confuse them about their gender role. Parents are sometimes concerned about a male child’s interest in baby dolls or jewelry-making, or express that they want to make sure their child understands what it is to be a boy.

Will Playing with Girl Toys Confuse a Boy?

I can find no research to suggest that playing with toys has any influence on a child’s gender. Kids figure out their gender really early in life—by about two years old. Many psychologists believe that children learn about gender primarily by observing the behavior of the adults in their lives. While toys can help children to express their feelings, explore new ideas, and review what they’ve learned, playthings don’t have the power to shape a child’s gender identity.

It’s worth considering that many girls play with boy toys, enjoy more “masculine” rough-and-tumble sports, and aren’t as interested in girly play. Most people don’t think twice about a tomboy, or worry that boyish toys will impact her gender identity. It seems to be easier to think about girls enjoying “boy stuff” than when the roles are reversed. A lot of this might be rooted in old ideas about masculinity that aren’t super helpful to today’s boys.

Different Toys Teach Different Skills

Kids learn about the world and develop their cognitive abilities through the toys they play with. Research has found that toys aimed at girls and boys teach each gender different lessons, and encourage them to develop different types of skills through play. If your aim is for your child to grow up well-rounded, with strong cognitive, creative, and spatial skills, it makes sense to provide toys that promote all these types of learning.

How “Girl Toys” Shape Child Development

According to a study on girls’ and boys’ toys, “girly” toys tend to focus more on physical appearance and attractiveness. They were also more likely to promote nurturing, caregiving play, and to help children roleplay household skills like cooking and cleaning. If a little girl is only supplied with super-girly toys, she might strongly develop her nurturing skills but miss out on other areas of development. She might also get the idea that her appearance should be a top priority if she’s surrounded by toys that encourage this trait.

How “Boy Toys” Shape Child Development

The same study found that boys’ toys were more likely to be competitive, aggressive, and encourage risk-taking during play. Boys toys were also more likely to teach children about spatial relationships, science, and how to build structures. If a little boy is only given hyper-masculine toys, they may be exposed to lots of violent play that could encourage more aggressive reactions in real life. He might also miss out on some of the nurturing and family-oriented skills provided by more girly toys, which are important skills for future husbands and fathers to develop.

Interestingly, this study concluded that the toys that provided the best cognitive, artistic, musical, and physical enrichment for kids tended to be gender-neutral or slightly masculine toys. This means that having a variety of more neutral toys at home, along with a few strongly “girlish” or “boyish” items, is a good way to ensure kids have opportunities to develop all the skills they’ll need as they grow up.

Toy Stores Are Moving Away From Gendered Toy Aisles

While researching this post, I learned that for a good portion of the 70s and early 80s, toy stores did not market strongly gendered toys to kids. Before that time, especially in the 40s and 50s, toys tended to be strictly advertised as intended for little boys or little girls. In the mid-80s, the trend was picked back up, which might explain why I remember toy store aisles being clearly divided along pink and blue lines. Today, big chain stores like Target are changing their approach to selling toys, dividing items by type (dolls, trains, blocks) as opposed to by gender. While may not change the toys a child seeks out on a trip to the toy store, it might communicate that no toys are off-limits to consider when shopping.

What If My Son Is Really Into Trucks or My Daughter Loves Barbie—Is That OK?

It is OK! Kids like what they like. Plenty of little kids genuinely enjoy and are drawn to the toys designed for their gender. A study of infants showed that babies as young as 9 months old start to show a preference for gender-specific toys. This may mean that there are differences in biology between boys and girls that lead boys to be more interested in toys with wheels and moving parts, while girls prefer more fine-motor and nurturing play.

However, there’s also research to suggest that kids also learn from adults about what toys are acceptable for them to play with. In a study of 4-7 year old kids, children who were shown pictures of kids playing with toys: one group saw photos of boys and girls playing with gendered toys, while the other group saw photos of children playing together with all kinds of toys. Later, researchers asked the children about what toys boys and girls should play with. Children who had seen photos of kids playing with non-gender-specific toys were more likely to say that any child could play with any toy than the ones who’d seen gender-divided photos.

The bottom line: if you have a boy’s boy or a girly girl, that is great! Celebrate what they love, and provide some gender neutral toys to help them expand their learning. If you have a boy who loves dolls or a girl who loves trucks, that’s great too! Provide opportunities for all kids to broaden their horizons, and let them know that it’s OK for girls and boys to play with whatever toys they’d like.

Want to learn more about play therapy and how toys can help kids express themselves? Read my page on play therapy or drop me a line to inquire about scheduling an appointment.

Slimed Out? 3 Sensory Play Alternatives to Making Slime

I am fully on board with the slime trend. Slime is an easy way to add more sensory play to a child’s life. Sensory play—any kind of playful activity that engages the 5 senses—can be emotionally soothing and also helps children to develop and learn. I have to confess, though, that sometimes I get tired of slime. It is messy. It can be expensive. Sometimes you’ve got to take a break from burning through that much Elmer’s glue. If you (like me) occasionally feel a little “slimed out,” I hope some of these sensory play activities will be good alternatives to making slime.

Slime Alternative #1: Orbeez

What it is: Have you ever seen those little plastic pellets in potting soil? That’s what Orbeez are. These tiny spheres are made out of a plastic-like substance that absorbs many times its weight in water, turning into a squishy, jelly-like ball when hydrated. If you’ve ever had bubble tea, they look and feel similar to boba. They also remind me a little of fish eggs, which is kind of icky.

How to play with it: Kids love the squishy, wet texture of Orbeez, which have a similar sensory quality to slime. You can pour Orbeez into a big bin and play with them like you would a sandbox, using shovels, funnels, or other sand/water toys to move them around. Some kids love to submerge their hands or even their feet in Orbeez. We’ve also experimented in the play therapy office with making stress balls by funneling Orbeez into a balloon.

The pros: Unlike some slime recipes, Orbeez are nontoxic and biodegradable…but please do not test this by eating them! Because Orbeez are solid, they’re easier to clean up than slime, and less likely to get stuck on carpets or furniture.

The cons: Orbeez take a while to hydrate, so you can’t use them right away. Orbeez can be reused, but eventually they may stop rehydrating or become moldy, so eventually they need to be replaced.

Slime Alternative #2: Shaving Cream “Snow”

This “snow” is made by combining shaving cream with either baking soda or cornstarch to create a light, fluffy, snow-like mixture. It naturally feels cool to the touch, and can be packed and molded like the real thing. You can find a recipe here.

How to play with it: Kids may enjoy packing their “snow” into snowballs or making snowmen, especially if they live in a place where snow isn’t common. Children can also use miniatures in the snow for imaginative play. Sand and water tools could also be useful to dig and sift through the snow.

The pros: With only 2 ingredients, this is a much simpler recipe than slime. Because there’s no Borax, it’s less likely to irritate sensitive skin. Also, this white snow doesn’t require any food coloring, so there’s less risk of staining skin or clothing. I have found shaving cream is much easier to clean up than slime.

The cons: Not everyone is crazy about the scent of shaving cream. Although less likely to stain, you may still have some mess to deal with after playtime is over.

Slime Alternative #3: Dry beans, pasta, or rice

This one is an old favorite of occupational therapists, who often use play activities like this to help children with sensory processing issues. Dried beans, pasta, and rice can be a fun indoor alternative to a sandbox, particularly for younger children. You can buy these in bulk, and different types of beans will provide different color and textures, changing the sensory experience.

How to play: You can create a sort of indoor sandbox by pouring the dried item(s) of your choice into a large Tupperware container. Be sure to put a blanket or tarp underneath to catch any spills! Some kids enjoy hunting for “buried treasure” in the box, searching for small toys or plastic coins. Others might prefer to sort the items by color, which can also be a soothing activity. I’ve seen many kids try to climb in the box, which is a great sensory experience but has a higher risk for mess!

The pros: Because these items can be bought in bulk and last a long time, this is a cheap and effective option for sensory play. The dry ingredients won’t stain, but may need to be swept or vacuumed when playtime is over. Since all these items are food items, they aren’t likely to cause a problem if someone nibbles on one.

The cons: While they won’t mess up clothing or fabric, you probably will be left with some stray pieces to pick up or vacuum. This is a very different texture to slime, so it may not be quite as satisfying as a slime alternative for kids who want that squishy feeling.

More Sensory Play Alternatives to Slime

If you’re needing more ideas for slime alternatives, there are tons of sensory play suggestions online. Check out this site for more ideas for how to make a simple “bean box” fun and exciting for younger kids. This seasonal Christmas play-doh recipe is a little more labor-intensive, but also looks really fun for winter. To learn more about how play helps kids to develop learning and emotional skills, check out my play therapy page.

If you’re in the Davidson area, I’m always happy to chat more about the benefits of play therapy for kids. You can reach out to me here.

Why is my kid obsessed with slime?

If you are a millennial like me, you might remember Gak. It was a toy sold by Nickelodeon in the 1990s, and came packaged in brightly colored plastic containers. It was more goopy than play-dough, more stretchy than silly putty, and if you squeezed it…it made rude-sounding noises. Old TV ads for Gak show a dowdy old teacher recoiling in disgust as kids stretch and squeeze their slimy toy.

I was OBSESSED WITH GAK. And so were a lot of other kids! If only I had known that you can make this squishy product at home with Elmer’s glue and Borax. I would have been swimming in it. Like so many other things from the 90s, Gak is cool again. Kids today are obsessed with slime: they make it at home using household ingredients like contact solution and shaving cream. They buy it from the store in a rainbow of colors and textures. There are even Etsy shops dedicated to selling artisanal slime.

Slime is messy. It can dry up and get stuck on carpets and furniture. It can stain fabric and skin. It uses up lots of ingredients and can get expensive to make. Have we all become the Nickelodeon teacher, turning our nose up at slime? Why are kids of all ages so fascinated by this gooey stuff? In this post, I’ll be looking into why kids are so obsessed with slime, and how it could actually help their mental health.

What are the benefits of slime?

It is true that slime has some downsides: it’s messy, it can be expensive, and it can get tiring to keep sacrificing bowls and utensils to a child’s slime-making pursuits. On the other hand, making and playing with slime can have some real benefits for kids, including the following:

• Manipulating slime and measuring ingredients can strengthen fine motor skills.

• Experimenting with slime recipes helps kids learn about cause and effect, and how to deal with failure. If a child doubles the glue or adds extra glitter, it could result in a “slime fail”, but the child has learned something about trying new things.

• It’s an appealing alternative to screen time. Many kids are so interested in slime that they’ll happily give up some TV or video game time to make it.

• Many kids say that slime has a calming, focusing quality. Slime is a form of sensory play, meaning it stimulates the senses. Sensory play can be soothing for kids, and is often used in play therapy for this reason.

Kids need sensory play

Today’s children have less time to play outside, shorter school recess, and more screen-based time than the generations before them. All of this equates to fewer opportunities to be messy. When was the last time you saw a child make a mud pie? “Messy” play experiences, like slime, are a form of sensory play that enriches a child’s awareness of their bodies and senses. Kids need this kind of play to grow and develop, and many children aren’t getting enough.

Slime helps kids get in touch with almost all the senses: they focus on how it feels, sounds, looks, and smells. This can lead to more self-awareness, as well as awareness about the world around them. Sensory play also helps children to develop: it’s been shown to boost language skills, problem solving skills, and cognitive abilities. The unmet need kids have for this kind of healthy play may explain the current obsession with slime.

Slime promotes mindfulness and grounding

When a child is focused on the tactile experience of playing with slime, they aren’t focused on their thoughts. Getting immersed in a sensory activity, like slime, can help kids focus on their experience in the present moment, rather than worrying about the future or replaying the past events of their day.

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware and accepting of what is happening in the present. It’s a simple concept, but it can be difficult to do. Mindfulness is often taught to adults and children as a way to handle overwhelming feelings like anxiety, and to help people feel more relaxed and focused in daily life. Focusing on body sensations is one way of practicing mindfulness, and so slime play can be a mindful experience for kids.

Grounding skills are anything that a person can do to help them feel more “rooted” or “grounded’ in the present, rather than allowing their mind to drift elsewhere. Grounding skills are often used with people following a trauma, to help them feel more secure and manage flashbacks. Sometimes, people are coached to give themselves a strong sensory experience, like a hot shower or holding a cold ice cube, as a form of grounding. Although it’s not exactly a grounding technique, I think slime provides a similar sensation that could have a grounding effect for kids.

At what age do kids become obsessed with slime?

As far as I can tell, kids of almost every age are interested in slime. It’s one of the only activities in my office that appeals to preschoolers as well as preteens. Slime is so much a part of kid culture right now that children of all ages know what it is. I have even had older teens request to go to the playroom to try out making slime. Interestingly, slime is becoming increasingly popular with adults, too: a pop-up shop just opened in New York City targeting grown-up fans of slime. It seems like everyone could use more sensory play in their lives, regardless of age.

Can slime ever be dangerous?

Some slime recipes include ingredients like Borax, which are not safe to eat and can cause irritation to the skin in large quantities. I recommend that young children should always be supervised when playing with slime, and it should be stored safely away from toddlers and young children who might be tempted to eat it. For most people, the small amount of Borax in slime is not likely to cause irritation, but I always wash my hands (and children’s hands) when finished playing, just in case.

Slime in play therapy

I always keep slime ingredients on hand in my therapy playroom. It’s a great way to break the ice when welcoming a new child into play therapy. Because the sensory element of slime is relaxing, it can help kids relax and feel more comfortable in a new situation. Slime can also help kids to self-soothe after a session that has been “deep” or difficult. It can give children a sense of control over their environment, since they get to control what goes into the mix. Finally, it’s just plain fun for kids, and fun in itself can be therapeutic. I find that many kids really enjoy slime for the first few sessions in therapy, and then are ready to move on to other things.

If you’re curious about how sensory play and play therapy can help kids become more mindful, you may want to check out my page on play therapy. This list of 31 activities is also a great jumping-off point for sensory play at home. If you’re located in the Lake Norman area in North Carolina and would like to talk more about how play therapy could help your child, you’re welcome to contact me.

How to Teach Children Gratitude Through Play: 2 Tips from a Play Therapist

2 Play Therapy Techniques to Encourage a More Thankful Mindset

This is the first in a 2-part series on gratitude. For part 2, click here.

Happy Thanksgiving! This week, I’ve been thinking a lot about the theme of gratitude, and how it impacts the children I see in my playroom. Our culture pays a lot of lip service to gratitude. We have an entire national holiday dedicated to the concept of being grateful for what we have. Interestingly, right after Thanksgiving, we are catapulted into the most materialistic season of the year. In this post, I’ll be talking about how to navigate this with children, using play therapy skills to teach children gratitude through play.

The day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday sales will immediately start peddling the hottest new products to both adults and children. In fact, lots of kids’ culture is based on needing the hottest new toy, from unboxing videos on YouTube to TV commercials targeted directly at children to videogames that constantly push in-game purchases. In a world where Thanksgiving and Christmas are so loaded with messages about needing more, how can we help teach children gratitude and help them to be thankful for what they already have?

I came across this 2014 article from the Atlantic by Jenn Choi recently, and I think it’s fantastic. It’s advice from a parent’s point of view on how to effectively teach gratitude to kids without preaching or lecturing. The author, a mom and journalist, feels torn: she wants to provide her kids with the material things her own family couldn’t afford as a child, but also worries about spoiling them. She decides to appeal to her kids’ interests and speak their language—toys and play—in order to instill the value of gratitude:

Kids do not know how big or little your paycheck is. Kids do not understand what income tax or health insurance deductibles are either. However, they do know how much a Nintendo DS game cartridge costs. They know how much a Wii costs. Or a slice of pizza or a bottle of Gatorade. This is their vocabulary—their understanding of values in our material world. We can work with that. And to get our kids to understand the meaning of gratitude, we must.

The entire article is worth a read, and it’s a good reminder that adult worries about finances are just not good motivators to help kids learn to be more grateful. They’re too abstract for children to understand, and hearing about financial difficulties might make children feel guilty or anxious, rather than grateful. It got me thinking about how play therapy can help parents to teach the concept of gratitude at home without resorting to lecturing.

Lots of the skills that are “bread and butter” for play therapists can be used by parents at home to promote gratitude in a fun, engaging way. Here are some play and activity-based tips to consider if you’d like to encourage your children to develop a more thankful mindset.

Give Them Responsibility

In play therapy, we talk a lot about “returning responsibility” to a child, which simply means encouraging children to do things by themselves whenever possible. Rather than jumping in immediately to help if a child is working hard to open a jar lid or balance a tower of blocks, a play therapist allows the child to struggle a bit and try to achieve the task alone. With a little patience, the child can usually do the task all by herself, and feels proud of herself for doing it.

Being responsible for an activity can also help children be more grateful for the end result, because they appreciate the effort that went into it. When children are given a job to do during family chores, cooking, and cleaning, they feel more thankful and take less for granted. Here’s two ways to promote gratitude by giving kids responsibility:

• Get kids involved with their own meal prep: even toddlers can help with tasks like mixing, dumping ingredients, and washing produce. Older children can cut food with child-safe kitchen knives, measure ingredients, grease baking pans, and rinse dishes. Involving children in the kitchen is a common recommendation for helping picky eaters, because children are more likely to appreciate and enjoy food they have helped to cook themselves. Similarly, kids who took part in cooking their own food take pride in their accomplishment, and are more aware of the work it takes to put food on the table each day.

• Let kids assemble their own toys: Did your child just come home with a massive Lego set or playhouse requiring an elaborate set-up? While it may not be realistic for your child to put everything together themselves, encouraging the child to put their new toy together with you can help them to grasp the work and effort that goes into building their new plaything. This might help your child to feel more thankful for his new toy and treat it with more care.

Less is More

Play therapists work with toys for a living, and yet if you peek into a play therapist’s office, you’ll likely find a small collection of traditional and fairly “basic” items. Having a mountain of toys in the office can overwhelm children, making them feel more anxious and unfocused, so many play therapists take a “less is more” approach and carefully curate their playrooms to include classic toys rather than the latest “it” item of the season.

Research now shows that kids with fewer toys focus for longer and play more creatively than children with more. A study published in Infant and Child Development showed that toddlers in a room with only 4 toys showed more imaginative and advanced play than children in a room with 16 toys. The kids in the 4-toy room were also able to play with their toys for longer periods of time, without becoming distracted. Children don’t need every hot new toy advertised on TV, or 100 presents under the Christmas tree. In fact, teaching kids how to make do with less might lead to happier, more grateful kids.

You can read more about play therapy and its benefits for children by clicking here. I’ll be back next week to share some more tips about teaching gratitude to kids during the holiday season and year-round.

TF-CBT for Preschoolers: Therapy for Early Childhood Trauma

TF-CBT is designed to help preschool children as young as 3 and 4 years old after a trauma.

Preschool Trauma is Common

Trauma is one of the leading causes of mental health problems in children, and TF-CBT for preschoolers can help support the many young children who find themselves affected by trauma each year. Learning that a preschooler has experienced a trauma is terrible news for any parent. As caregivers for children, we do everything possible to shield the young people in our lives from danger. Despite our best efforts, sometimes life happens in ways we didn’t expect or hope for: accidents, violent situations, grief, and loss are not always preventable, and can affect people of any age—including preschool children. Statistically, 26% of kids in the United States will witness or experience a trauma before the age of 4.

Some common causes of childhood trauma among preschoolers are:

• Prolonged separation from a parent due to illness, incarceration, or foster care placement

• A severe accident or illness, such as a car accident or cancer

• Physical, verbal, or sexual abuse

• Witnessing physical or verbally abusive arguments between parents

It’s important to know that preschoolers can be just as affected by witnessing a parent’s trauma as they would be if the trauma happened to them directly. Very young children are so connected to their parents that their own sense of self and safety is wrapped up with their parents’ well-being. Seeing a parent in trouble can be intensely frightening and painful for a preschool-aged child, and can be just as likely to result in trauma symptoms.

How PTSD Affects Preschoolers

While some preschool children will “bounce back” fairly easily from their trauma experience, others might show lingering problems long after the initial event has passed. Trauma symptoms can impact any child’s life, but younger children may especially vulnerable to developing symptoms. Other factors that make trauma symptoms more likely include having special needs or sensory sensitivities, experiencing other life stresses, and having a previous history of trauma or loss.

How can you tell if a preschooler in your life has trauma-related symptoms? Very young kids may not be able to tell us in words what they are going through, but will communicate their trauma through tantrums or crying, difficulty sleeping, frequent nightmares, or problems paying attention or following directions. Parents often observe that their child seems to “regress” to an earlier developmental stage after a trauma, and may suddenly struggle with problems they had previously grown out of, such as potty training or sleeping through the night.

Lots of research has been done on the subject of early childhood trauma. We’re learning that even the youngest children can be just as deeply affected by trauma as older children and adults. Fortunately, we’ve also discovered that preschool-aged children can benefit greatly from age-appropriate trauma therapy tailored to their developmental level. One of the best-researched forms of therapy for preschool survivors of trauma is Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or TF-CBT.

What is TF-CBT, and How Can it Help Preschool Children?

TF-CBT is a form of therapy designed specifically to help children ages 3-18 following a traumatic event, and it can be an especially big help for children in the preschool and early elementary age range. It is an evidence-based form of therapy, meaning that it has been proven effective by research to help children with these symptoms. Through TF-CBT, preschoolers and their parents learn skills to cope with trauma symptoms, helping the child to alleviate anxiety, manage worries, and cope with strong feelings. The parent and therapist gradually assist the child in expressing their thoughts and feelings about the traumatic event and make sense of what happened, so that it no longer feels like an overwhelming experience.

TF-CBT tailored for preschoolers puts a strong emphasis on educating both children and parents about how trauma can cause problems problems with their bodies as well as their feelings. This can be extremely helpful for young children, who may feel quite confused by their symptoms and alone in their experience. Educating children about trauma in an age-appropriate way helps children understand that they are not alone—many other young children have walked in their shoes, and have recovered from trauma to live happy and fulfilling lives.

How does TF-CBT for Preschoolers Work?

During treatment with TF-CBT, preschoolers are taught how to use relaxation and mindfulness techniques to reduce anxiety and mood swings during the day and promote restful sleep at night. While these relaxation skills are used initially to reduce symptoms of trauma, they are also a great life skill that can grow with the child, helping them to manage other stressful situations as they arise.

Since younger children may have more difficulty putting feelings into words and making connections between past and present experiences, TF-CBT for preschoolers relies more on art and play-based activities to help children identify important feelings and develop a better understanding of their experiences. Through art and play activities facilitated by a therapist, the child can work through any misconceptions about their trauma experience, alleviate feelings of guilt or self-blame, and find a sense of closure.

Helping Preschoolers Move Beyond Trauma with TF-CBT

While therapy cannot make a young child forget what has happened to him, it can take some of the power away from a traumatic experience. It can help a child move past this difficult time in their lives and toward other, more hopeful chapters. Many parents and children find that after working through a traumatic event in therapy, children develop more resilience and empathy for others. Children and parents complete the TF-CBT process together by reviewing the child’s growth and learning strategies to help the child stay safe and avoid dangerous situations in the future.

If you’d like to learn more about how to support your preschooler with trauma through TF-CBT, my door is always open. You can also learn more by visiting the official website for TF-CBT.

What's a Registered Play Therapist?

An RPT is a therapist who specializes in play therapy with children.

If your younger child is struggling but has a hard time talking about her feelings, keep reading: this post is for you.

Any parent who has searched for a child counselor is probably familiar with the string of letters that follow every therapist’s name. This “alphabet soup” of acronyms demonstrate that a therapist has specialized training to help with a particular problem.

More specialties are becoming avialable all the time, which is a great thing! No matter your concern or your stage in life, there is likely a therapist in your area who has been specially trained to be the best help to you. But if you’re not familiar with every acronym, it can be hard to tell exactly what you’re looking at.

There’s one set of letters that’s particularly important to know if you’re searching for a counselor for a young child: RPT. Today, we’re going to talk about Registered Play Therapists—also called RPTs—and learn why this special type of therapy can be so helpful for kids.

What is a Registered Play Therapist?

A Registered Play Therapist, or RPT, is a counselor, psychologist, or other mental health professional who has received additional training in helping people heal through play. RPTs use play activities in a strategic way to help young people express feelings, work through problems, and practice new ways of interacting with others.

More traditional talk therapy techniques often work great for adults, but they’re not always so effective for children. Kids are much more likely to show their feelings, rather than tell about them. They don’t process their experiences through language as easily as adults do.

A Registered Play Therapist uses familliar toys like dolls, stuffed animals, art supplies, and even slime to help kids learn, discover, and process information in the way that’s most comfortable to them. You may find that your child can make more progress and express deeper feelings in play therapy, because they’re in a more age-appropriate environment.

Who Should See a Registered Play Therapist?

Preschool and elementary-aged kids who still use imaginative play to learn and express themselves are great candidates for play therapy with a Registered Play Therapist.

People of all ages benefit from play, but most participants in play therapy are children or teens. The majority of children in play therapy in are between 2 and 12 years of age. If a child has an interest in toys, make-believe, and imaginative play, it’s a good indicator that they could benefit from (and enjoy!) play therapy.

Some of the concerns that bring children to a play therapist’s office include:

• Anxiety and phobias

• Tantrums or behavior problems

• Grief and loss

• Trauma

• Social skills difficulties

• Problems in family relationships

• Coping with big life changes, like divorce or a recent move

Play therapy can be especially helpful for children who are working through experiences that are too big to easily put into words. The birth of a new sibling, overwhelming fear or anger, or experiences with trauma and loss can all be difficult to talk about. Play offers kids another way to express their feelings that isn’t as intimidating. A play therapist can guide a child as they work through their feelings and deepen their understanding of what happened.

How Are RPTs Different Than Other Therapists?

While many therapists may incorporate toys into their therapy sessions to help children feel more at ease and facilitate conversation, Registered Play Therapists are trained to work with children through play at a deeper level. Using the metaphors of play and storytelling, an RPT can help a child to communicate and explore feelings and subjects that she may not be able to put into words. An RPT’s work with children is rooted in play therapy theory, as well as knowledge of child development.

This means that when your child meets with a play therapist, they’re doing more than “just playing” with toys, the way they might at home. The therapist is responding and guiding the play with a plan in mind to help your child work toward the goals you’ve set. This might mean helping a child express their feelings about a situation, safely express anger, use coping skills, or strengthen self-esteem through play.

What Training Do You Need to Become a Registered Play Therapist?

All Registered Play Therapists hold a Master’s degree or higher in a field of mental health, like counseling, psychology, or social work. They also have to pass an exam to be licensed to practice therapy in their state, just like other therapists. But RPTs complete additional coursework during or after graduation to deepen their knowledge of children, development, and play therapy.

To become a Registered Play Therapist, you must complete a minimum of 150 hours of additional training on different subjects related to play therapy. During this time, you also consult with a more senior therapist who is an expert in play therapy, so they can give you feedback on your work and help you become a stronger therapist.

By the time an RPT starts conducting play therapy sessions with kids, they’ve received additional training in child development that goes beyond what most therapists were taught in their grad school programs. They’ve also learned how play can help children with specific problems, including behavioral difficulties, grief and loss, ADHD, social skills difficulties, anxiety, and depression.

This helps play therapists use toys and games intentionally when they meet with kids, keeping their specific needs and goals in mind.

Find a Registered Play Therapist in Davidson, North Carolina

I’m a Registered Play Therapist based in Davidson, North Carolina. I’m avialable to meet with families both in the Charlotte area and throughout New York, North Carolina, and Florida.

The Association for Play Therapy maintains a database of all Registered Play Therapists, both in the U.S. and globally. Families looking for a play therapist can run a search for therapists working near their zip code who have completed formal play therapy training.

Are you in the Charlotte area? I am a Davidson-based Registered Play Therapist who specializes in helping tweens (ages 8 to 13) through anxiety, OCD, and trauma. Keeping sessions playful makes it a lot easier for kids to learn coping skills and face their fears. I also love using games (like Dungeons & Dragons!) to help kids socialize and meet like-minded peers.

My Davidson, NC play therapy office is accessible to Charlotte and Lake Norman-area families. If that commute doesn’t work for you, fear not! If you’re anywhere in North Carolina, New York, or Florida, we can also meet online. Reach out here to learn more, and see if we might be a good fit.

Therapy for Toddlers with PTSD: Child-Parent Psychotherapy

A Special Therapy for Toddlers with Trauma Symptoms

Can Toddlers Have PTSD?

Trauma has become a buzzword among people who care for children. In the past, the word “trauma” was usually reserved for experiences most common among adults, like war and violent crime. Now, mental health professionals understand that many other frightening experiences, such as abuse, medical emergencies, and witnessing accidents or violent arguments can lead to trauma in people of all ages. In this post, I’ll be discussing how therapy can help toddlers with trauma symptoms and PTSD following one of these experiences.

Doctors, teachers, counselors, and parents are becoming increasingly aware of the ways that traumatic experiences like these can affect children's physical and emotional health. Even children's television programs like Sesame Street have recognized the impact of trauma on young children, and have started to address difficult experiences like grief, foster care, and incarceration in episodes. As hard as it might be to imagine, trauma and PTSD can affect even very young children—including toddlers.

How Trauma Affects Toddlers

Studies have shown that exposure to extremely frightening or violent events impacts a child's ability to learn, form close relationships with family and friends, and can even make kids more susceptible to chronic illnesses later in life. Separation from a parent, even when it isn’t due to a violent or scary cause, can also have similar effects on a child. We also know now that these effects last for a long time: even if a toddler is too young to remember the traumatic event, he may suffer from trauma symptoms like tantrums, anxiety, difficulty bonding with parents, or problems with sleep for years to come if he does not receive the help he needs to move forward.

Therapy for Toddlers with PTSD

While there are quite a few forms of therapy to help older children cope after a trauma, it can be hard to find therapy that is a good fit for very young children. Toddlers often have a hard time putting their feelings into words, and need specialized therapy that incorporates play and nonverbal techniques to help make sense of traumatic experiences, as well as coping skills to manage strong emotions. Child-Parent Psychotherapy is one of the only forms of therapy specially designed for the youngest kids--children under the age of five--who have survived a trauma or loss.

Child-Parent Psychotherapy, or CPP, is a form of play and talk therapy for children ages 0-5 and a parent or caregiver. It is a dyadic therapy, which means that typically the child and parent participate together with support from a therapist. CPP aims to strengthen the bond between parent and child after a frightening event. Because parents are so central to young children's lives, they are especially equipped to help a child return to healthy growth and development.

How Child-Parent Psychotherapy Works

Through CPP, toddlers with PTSD symptoms rediscover how to feel safe and protected after a trauma, and make sense of what has happened to them in an age-appropriate way. Learning coping skills to help the child relax and manage emotional outbursts is another important goal of CPP. Parents can also get support for themselves through caregiver coaching sessions, where they have the opportunity to cope with their own feelings about what happened and receive tips from the therapist on how to handle behavior problems related to trauma.

CPP is an evidence-based therapy, which means that it has been proven effective by scientific research. While not every form of therapy works for every person, CPP has been used successfully with kids from many different cultural backgrounds, and to help with a variety of traumatic events including domestic violence, grief, abuse or neglect, parental separation, and serious accidents. It can be a helpful therapy for children with biological, foster, or adoptive parents, and even a caring relative can serve as a support system in CPP sessions.

Therapy for Young Children After Trauma in Davidson, NC

Coping with a trauma or loss can be an extremely challenging situation for people of any age, but parents with toddlers don't have to struggle with this alone. If you think your young child might benefit from therapy for toddlers with trauma symptoms, please don't hesitate to reach out to me and learn more about this approach. You can also learn more about the impact of trauma on children and how therapy can help here.