If your child is experiencing severe depression symptoms or is feeling suicidal, please contact 911, the National Suicide Hotline, or the Crisis Text Line.
As anyone who has experienced anxiety symptoms knows, anxiety and depression often go hand-in-hand. People who have survived a trauma also often have symptoms of depression, including hopelessness, numbness, or lack of interest in activities. Because of this, I often see children struggling with depression in my therapy office, even though I specialize in PTSD and anxiety disorders.
There are lots of coping skills for anxiety that can offer some quick relief, either by distracting a child from worries or by helping the body to relax. I think it’s a little trickier to find skills that provide “quick wins” for kids with depression. Maybe this is because anxiety often has a more sudden, intense onset, and depression tends to be a consistent feeling for a longer period of time. In this post, I’ve compiled a few simple ways to help a child cope with depression that are supported by research. While some of these may not be as simple or quick as a breathing exercise, building these habits over time can help boost a child’s mood and encourage positive thinking.
Depression Coping Skill #1: Schedule Positive Activities (Even if They Don’t Sound Fun)
Many people assume that depression is caused by a negative event in life: for kids, maybe this is a move, a divorce, or an experience being bullied. While it’s true that tough life situations can trigger depression, researchers who studied depression found that a lack of positive experiences can also lead to low mood. Kids struggling from depression often withdraw: an elementary schooler might prefer staying home to going on play dates, or a preteen might drop out of her extracurriculars. This can create a vicious cycle where the lack of positive, rewarding activities in a child’s life make the depression worse, which in turn makes it harder to get out of the house.
You can help your child by encouraging activities that are social, fun, or provide a sense of accomplishment. Therapists call this technique behavioral activation, and it’s a treatment for depression in adults, as well as kids. Even if a child is reluctant, scheduling these kinds of activities and sticking to them can have a positive snowball effect. Think of it like going to the gym: you might really dread going the first time, but once you try it, you’ll realize it wasn’t so bad. In fact, you might feel so energized that you get motivated to go back the next day. The same thing can happen for children: the first outing might be really hard, but they may surprise themselves, and have more fun than they expected, which can make the next activity easier and more fun.
Here are a few positive, rewarding activities to consider:
Making a meal or a snack together
Trying an art class, or another class related to a child’s interests
Taking the dog for a walk
Re-arranging a child’s bedroom
A movie night with a friend
Depression Coping Skill #2: Talk Back to Negative Thoughts
Kids with depression are prone to ruminating: mulling over their negative thoughts over and over again, which makes their sad feelings more intense. Depression often exaggerates and distorts our thinking, making our thoughts too negative to be true. Kids can stop the cycle of ruminating by spotting these overly-negative thoughts, questioning them, and coming up with a more helpful and realistic alternative. This is called cognitive restructuring and it’s an important part of cognitive-behavioral therapy, an approach that helps people learn how their thoughts and behavior influence their feelings.
This skill is best for kids who are elementary-aged or older. Sometimes it is hard for kids to learn this skill on their own, because it requires them to think about thinking, which is an abstract concept. A child counselor can teach children how to master this idea and practice “talking back” to negative thoughts. I often use the picture book Tiger Tiger, Is It True? to help kids understand how changing their thoughts can change their feelings.
You can help your child catch himself when he’s thinking something too negative to be true, and encourage him to ask himself questions like:
Do I have any proof this is true?
What would I tell a friend who had this thought?
Is there another way of looking at this?
OK, it if really is true, would it be the end of the world?
If your child benefits from this form of thinking, CBT might be a great option to help them cope with feelings of depression, and learn to change the thinking patterns that can trigger sadness and low mood.
Depression Coping Skill #3: Add More Sunshine
Many people notice that their depression is worse in the winter, when there is less access to sunlight. Seasonal Affective Disorder, a form of depression that often starts in the fall and ends in the spring, can occur in kids as well as adults. There is a theory that sunlight might encourage the body to produce serotonin, a chemical that influences many processes in the body including our sleep, digestion, and mood.
For kids, outdoor play is a great way to improve mood and cope with depression. Children who play outdoors get more sunlight, but this kind of play offers all kinds of other benefits, too. A study by the American Medical Association found that “children will be smarter, better able to get along with others, healthier and happier, when they have regular opportunities for free and unstructured play in the outdoors.” Being more connected to nature can also be a mood booster for both children and adults. Interestingly, spending more time in nature has been shown to help kids with ADHD feel more relaxed and focused, as well.
You don’t have to go on a big camping trip or expensive vacation to get the benefits of playing outdoors: a trip to the park, playing catch in the backyard, or a walk on a local nature trail can be just as helpful.
Depression Coping Skill #4: Practice Good Sleep Hygiene
Therapists like to say that sleep, exercise, and nutrition are all important for treating and preventing depression. If your child is feeling down, it’s worth looking into all 3. I have personally noticed that many of the children I meet who are feeling depressed are also really struggling with their sleeping patterns. Often, these children are staying up late, having a hard time falling asleep, and as a result have really shifted their sleep cycle to start and end later than is typical. These kids often have to operate at school on very few hours of sleep, or end up sleeping all day and missing out on the daylight hours they could be spending with friends.
Insomnia is a common symptom of depression, so it’s totally understandable that depressed children often have such a hard time falling asleep. What makes this situation so tricky is that sleep deprivation can also make people more vulnerable to anxiety an depression, so disturbed sleep can create a vicious cycle that ultimately makes depressed feelings more intense. In addition, if a child is losing a lot of their daytime hours to sleep, it cuts back on their opportunities to socialize or get involved in other positive activities that can reduce and prevent depression.
Sleep hygiene is a term to describe many habits that can encourage people to fall asleep and stay asleep, leading to a better night of rest. These habits on their own may not be enough to completely resolve sleep problems for a child, especially if she is also struggling with bedtime anxiety, but they’re a great place to start. Here are a few things to consider if you think your child’s sleep patterns might contribute to depression:
Stop using any electronics (phones, computers, TV) for at least 30 minutes to an hour before bedtime.
Finish any soda or other caffeinated drinks 4-6 hours before it’s time to sleep.
If your child is struggling to fall asleep, encourage him to read a book or try another quiet activity for a few minutes. This can help kids feel tired faster, whereas tossing and turning in bed can make children more angry or anxious, and less likely to sleep.
Create a routine for your child that is consistent each night and can help her unwind, such as reading a book together and practicing a relaxation technique.
Checking the time repeatedly at night can lead to more worry and less sleep. If this is the case for your child, put the clock or phone in a position in the bedroom where she can hear the alarm but can’t see the face or screen.
Make sure your child gets enough physical activity during the day, so that they are ready to relax by bedtime.
Begin Therapy for Kids with Depression in Davidson, North Carolina
Depression is tough, but kids can and do bounce back from their low moods. Trying these coping skills at home can be a great first step in fighting back against depressive symptoms. Looking for a way to go deeper with coping skills? Check out my online courses, which teach coping skills to kids and tweens in a self-study format. You and your child will learn specific skills you can start using right away, and get tips on how to practice them effectively.
If your child is dealing with depression after a loss, my activity book for bereaved children helps caregivers support children as they work through their grieving process. It’s available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at local bookshops near you.
If you try these techniques and find your child is still struggling, a counselor can provide in-depth help and support. If you live in the Davidson, NC area and would like to learn more about how therapy can benefit children with depression, anxiety, and trauma, contact me here.
