How to Help a Child Cope with Anxiety

4 ways to take care of your child (and yourself) when stress is high

If you are the parent of an anxious child, you know how draining anxiety can be. Worries, rituals, and meltdowns can consume tons of time and energy, not just for your child but for the whole family. When a child’s anxiety is too strong to manage, the effects can ripple outward to impact siblings and parents. This is even more true during quarantine, when everyone is cooped up together and it’s harder to take time away to blow off steam. Even in unusually stressful times, kids can learn to feel more in control of their worries, and there is a lot you can do to help as a parent. Here are 4 ways to help your child learn to cope better with anxiety.

Help Your Child Understand That Anxiety Isn’t Bad

I often ask kids who are coming to my office for anxiety a trick question: is anxiety a good thing, or a bad thing? Many children assume that the goal of therapy is to totally eliminate their anxious feelings. As a parent, you can help your child understand that anxiety is an important feeling because it helps them know when something is not safe. Can you imagine what would happen if we didn’t feel at least a little anxious before crossing a busy intersection? Have you ever had a bad “gut feeling” about a person or situation that turned out to be right? Those are times when anxiety is good to have, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Because anxiety doesn’t feel good in the body, children often get anxious about being anxious: they notice their anxiety response starting to kick in, and worry that it means something is really wrong with them. In reality, their body is doing just what it is supposed to do by alerting them to danger…it just might be doing this at unhelpful times. Kids with anxiety have too much of a good thing: their “danger alarm” is going off more often than it really needs to. You can help your child understand that anxiety isn’t dangerous, it can’t hurt them, and that while you can’t eliminate anxiety (and you wouldn’t want to!) there are lots of ways to cope with the feelings to make them easier to deal with.

Practice Relaxation Every Day, Not Just When Your Child is Anxious

Helping anxious kids find ways to relax is usually one of the first goals in therapy. Many coping skills have been developed to help kids (and adults) unwind, but activities like exercise, art, and meditation can be just as helpful. In my opinion, it doesn’t really matter what coping skill you choose to use—what matters is how often you use it.

Practicing a relaxation technique is kind of like going to the gym. If you do it once, you might notice you feel a little better when you’re done. However, the boost probably won’t last very long. If you want to create lasting, positive changes, you’re going to have to do it regularly over a longer stretch of time. Deep relaxation techniques change the way our nervous system operates, helping us move out of the “fight-or-flight” mode that triggers anxiety and into the “rest-and-digest” mode that promotes calm. If a child is practicing a relaxation skill frequently, she may spend more time in this restful state and be able to access it more easily the next time she’s stressed, leading to less anxiety in the long run.

Practicing how to self-soothe daily has another benefit, as well: it helps kids master the technique before they really need it. You don’t want your child to be trying to figure out how to take deep belly breaths for the first time in the middle of a panic attack. Think of daily relaxation practice as being like a fire drill, helping your child master the coping skill while she’s calm, before she really needs it.

Focus on Your Child’s Strengths, Rather Than Worries

When a child is really anxious about something, it can be tempting to talk about it with them in detail in order to reassure them that their fears aren’t realistic. If your child is losing sleep at night due to fears of monsters in their room, for example, you may feel the urge to help them investigate in every closet and under all the furniture to prove that the room is 100% monster-free. While helping kids to spot unrealistic thoughts can be helpful, spending a lot of time talking about a fear in the moment can backfire and lead to more anxiety.

When we have a long conversation with a child about their worry, we might accidentally send them the message that it’s something worth being worried about. After all, if we’re spending all this time talking about it, it must be a possibility! Your child might wonder why you’d look under the bed in the first place if there wasn’t a chance the monster might be lurking under there. Long discussions can also encourage anxious children to ruminate, thinking about their worries again and again without coming to a resolution. This can make their anxiety increase, rather than decrease.

Instead of talking about the worry itself, focus on the positive strengths your child has that will help them deal with it. You might consider saying something like “I know you’re brave and you can do this,” “This is hard, but you’ve handled it before, and you can do it again,” or “You are so good at taking deep belly breaths!” This can help shift a child’s focus away from the problem, and toward a solution. It also sends the message that you understand how worried your child must feel, but you aren’t taking the worry itself seriously. You can be empathetic without reinforcing the fear itself.

Put the Oxygen Mask On Yourself First

You have probably heard this common advice from flight attendants applied to life outside of the airplane: put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before helping your child. It’s cliche, but it’s true! Helping a child to cope with anxiety is hard work, and it’s difficult to do if you’re feeling run-down or anxious yourself. Parents have to provide so much emotional labor for their kids every day, and they may find they’re giving and giving without getting much support back in return.

Kids are extremely attuned to how their parents are feeling. They look to the adults in their lives to determine how they should respond in a situation. During times of stress, your child is probably watching you closely, and paying attention to your facial expression and voice tones for clues to how you’re feeling. If a child senses that you’re feeling stressed, odds are good he’ll start to feel stressed out, too. This can lead to more anxiety or acting-out behaviors like tantrums and meltdowns. On the flip side, when a child sees that you’re managing your own stress, it sends the message that they can feel safe and relaxed, too.

When things are particularly stressful, a parent’s self-care might be the first activity to get crossed off the to-do list. If your child is struggling with anxiety, I’d encourage you to make your own self-care a priority. Figure out what helps you to cope emotionally, whether it’s taking an hour to exercise, going on a drive alone and listening to music, or calling a friend. Your kids will feel the effects of your improved mood, and you may find their anxiety decreases as your stress levels go down. When you practice self-care, you send the message to your children that coping with anxiety is a normal part of life. When your children see you managing your own stress, they learn that they can do it, too.

If your child’s anxiety is getting hard to handle at home, counseling can help make it more manageable, even during quarantine. You can read more about online counseling for kids here, or reach out to me to set up an appointment.

Why is My Child More Clingy During Quarantine, And How Can I Help?

You deserve to be able to go to the bathroom in peace! If your Self-Isolation is feeling a little crowded due to clinging, there are ways to help your child relax and adjust.

Kids react in all sorts of ways to stress, from anxiety and fearfulness to anger and irritability. If you’re a parent who is self-quarantining with children, you may be starting to see this wide array of stress responses at home. I have noticed that, among the kids in my practice, the past week or so has been a turning point for many children. While the first week off from school might have felt fun and novel, like a snow day, the second week of school feels more like the beginning of a new normal. The serious change of pace is bringing up anxiety for many kids, and one form you may notice it coming out in is increased clinginess to parents. If you expected your self-isolation to include a little more alone time, read on to learn why kids get clingy when stressed and how we as caregivers can help them adjust.

Why Do Kids Get Clingy During Stressful Times?

Children see their parents as their “safe base.” Mom or Dad is the person who is always predictable, will always protect them, and knows how to keep them safe. Usually, the older kids get, the more comfortable they feel straying farther and farther from their safe person, knowing that their parent will always be there for support if needed. During times of stress, like quarantine, the distance from parents that feels safe may shrink. This is especially true if there has been a loss of predictability due to changes in routine: if a child is no longer able to predict what happens next each day, a parent’s continued presence may feel less predictable, too.

It is also common for children’s behavior to regress during a period of trauma or stress. While it’s normal and common for infants and toddlers to have separation anxiety, preschoolers and older children who have move past this stage might revert back to it if they’re feeling vulnerable. This is usually a temporary phase, and kids will shift back to more age-appropriate behavior once the stress has resolved, especially if they have support in managing their anxious feelings.

How Can I Tell If My Child’s Clinginess Is Normal?

Separation anxiety and clinginess are a normal (and stressful!) part of child development for babies and toddlers, especially from the age of seven months old to about two and a half. Around this age, kids are learning that even when they can’t see a person, they still exist in the world and can still be relied upon to come back again. This is a concept called object permanence.

While some clinging is normal, it’s also possible for toddlers and older children to develop separation anxiety that is outside of the norm and cause added distress for everyone. Here are a few signs that a child may need help overcoming their clinginess:

• Your child can’t tolerate even brief separations from you: for example, a trip to the bathroom or to go outside to get the mail.

• Your child’s anxiety when away from you is so intense that they can’t cope.

• The clinginess is getting more intense with time, rather than less.

• The anxiety and clinging are more than you’d expect from a child of this age, and it’s interfering with daily activities.

It’s possible to reassure kids that they are safe and loved and help them to gradually increase their independence. You deserve to be able to go to the bathroom in peace, especially during these stressful times!

Make Your Child’s Routine Predictable

If you think your child’s clinging might be a response to their routine being thrown off, adding some structure to the day can be extremely helpful. For young children, predictability equals safety. Being able to anticipate what will happen each day and when allows them to trust that they’ll be taken care of and transition between activities more smoothly. When that predictability goes away, it can make children feel out of control and unsafe.

You don’t need to create an elaborate, Montessori-inspired routine in order to increase your child’s sense of safety. Simply setting established times for meals and snacks, playtime, and bedtime can go a long way in helping a child feel like their life is more in control. For bonus points, you can create a visual schedule of your day so that your child can follow along and know what to expect next.

Build Some Individual Playtime Into Your Day

A predictable routine is extra effective if your child knows they can rely on getting some individual, face-to-face time with you every day. I know this can be a tall order when everyone is working from home and cooped up with family 24/7. However, I have found that even 10 or 15 minutes of individual playtime with a parent is a huge help for kids with behavioral problems. Children crave focused attention from parents, and when they’re feeling insecure they often seek it out in unhelpful ways, like clinging and tantrums.

If you’d like to try this approach at home, find a time each day when you know you’re consistently available to spend time with your child. Right after dinner, after bathtime, or before bed might be good opportunities to sneak in a few minutes of togetherness. Make sure your child knows this is part of the routine, and if they start to cling to you at other times of the day, remind them that you’ll have special time to spend with them later on.

Praise or Reward Your Child For Being Independent

Most of us feel moved to speak out when someone around us isn’t doing the right thing, and this is especially true with kids. Good behavior, however, often goes unrecognized. Adults may be used to not getting praised every time they do what they’re supposed to do, but for kids, not getting praise for good behavior can accidentally reinforce behavior issues.

Kids crave attention from parents because it makes them feel safe. If a parent’s eyes are on you, it means they can look after you if something dangerous happens. As a result, children tend to repeat behaviors that have gotten them attention—positive or negative—in the past. If we get into the habit of ignoring good behavior, it’s less likely to happen again!

If your child has been struggling to separate from you at home, make sure you enthusiastically call out the times they succeed. If your child is playing independently, praise them for it! Kids who are really struggling to separate from a parent for any period of time often benefit from a reward chart. The positive reinforcement of earning a “prize” can motivate children to do the hard, scary work of separating.

Address Your Child’s Fears About The Coronavirus

Even young children are likely picking up more information about the coronavirus pandemic than you might expect. Lots of children I speak to understand that the virus is more serious for adults than for kids, and this has led to worry for some children that their parents might fall ill and not be able to care for them. This can lead to more anxiety about being away from a parent, and more clinging.

If you think this might be the case for your child, make sure they understand all the ways you’re keeping them and the family safe. For example, maybe your family is practicing social distancing, washing hands, getting groceries delivered, or even eating extra healthy during this time. It might also be reassuring for children to hear that there are lots of other caring adults in their extended family or neighborhood who will be ready and willing to help if the child ever needs them.

A child getting clingy during quarantine can be an added stress on parents during an already challenging time. Adding some structure and predictable opportunities to play each day can help your child adjust to their new normal feeling safe and secure. If you find that your child is still struggling even after trying these ideas, online child counseling or online parenting support can help you get back on track. Hang in there, parents! This phase won’t last forever.

3 Common Fears Kids Have About Coronavirus (And How to Help)

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty saturated with news about the coronavirus pandemic right about now. If you’re like me, you are getting coverage 24/7 from all sides: the news, social media, friends…it can be a lot to take in. While we adults are busy processing all of the sound bites we’re getting from various media sources, kids are listening in, too.

The urgent tone of the news coverage of coronavirus can be alarming for children, and increase their worries. The good news is that there is helpful, age-appropriate information we can be giving to children right now to ease their anxiety. Today I’m sharing 3 of the most common fears I’m hearing children mention this week, as well as what we as adults can say and do to help.

#1. Fear of Getting Sick, or Fear of a Family Member Getting Sick

“Am I safe?”

This is often the first question kids have in moments of change, crisis, or transition. It’s totally normal for kids (and adults, too!) to worry about their personal safety above all else. Because children are so dependent on their parents, children often worry about their parents’ safety, too. Many kids may worry about what will happen to them if a parent is ill or otherwise unable to take care of them during a crisis.

I’m hearing many children voice concerns right now that they might become seriously ill, as well as worries about parents, grandparents, and relatives who may be elderly or have preexisting health problems. If your child has similar fears, you can help by making sure your child understands that the coronavirus usually causes very mild symptoms in children, and sometimes no symptoms at all. You can explain that children have strong bodies that can fight off coronavirus germs easily, but they can still carry these germs to other people who might get sick. This is why school and other group activities have been canceled: not because lots of kids are in danger, but to avoid accidentally spreading germs that might make others ill.

It’s also useful to remind children about all the steps that you and other important adults in their lives are taking to stay healthy: for example, washing your hands, practicing social distancing, and eating healthy foods. You can remind your child of the big network of caring adults in their lives, which may include close friends, extended family, and neighbors. Your child may feel more secure in knowing that these people will be available to take care of them, too, if you were ever feeling sick.

#2. Fear About How the Virus is Transmitted

We are still learning details about how the coronavirus spreads between people, but we have a pretty good understanding of how the illness is spread from person to person: through respiratory droplets, or by touching a contaminated surface. However, the fact that we can’t see the coronavirus can make it feel extra scary: we’re not sure where it is and isn’t, which means everyone is taking extra precautions. I’m finding that many children aren’t totally sure how the virus is transmitted, and may have incorrect ideas about how it is spread that lead to more anxiety.

Kids don’t need to know every detail about the current pandemic, but giving some age-appropriate information about what the virus does and how it is spread can alleviate worries. For example, I’ve heard many children have concerns that they might catch the virus through an open window, or that it might come into their home in the air without a sick person being nearby. By helping children understand exactly how a person gets coronavirus, we can allow them to feel more empowered about preventing the spread.

You can explain to children that usually the virus needs help to get into our bodies, and it can hitch a ride on our hands if they have germs on them when we touch our eyes, nose, or mouth. By washing our hands and avoiding touching our faces with dirty hands, we can help to keep the virus outside of our bodies.

#3. Fear of the Unknown

Personally, it is easier for me to cope with a situation when I know the end date. Wouldn’t it be easier to self-quarantine if we all knew for sure when the outbreak would resolve? I think many kids feel this way, too. It is hard for them to not know when school will be back in session, or if they will be able to celebrate their spring birthday with friends, or even if their summer vacation will happen as planned. This uncertainty can lead to more anxiety.

Right now, kids may have questions that we don’t have answers for yet. If your child asks you a question you don’t know the answer to, it’s perfectly fine to tell them you’re not sure. We can reassure children that we do know that the outbreak won’t last forever, and that things will eventually go back to normal. It might also be helpful for children to know that when we practice social distancing, we’re helping doctors and nurses to fight the virus so that the pandemic won’t last as long as it might otherwise.

Although a lot of routines are changing in children’s lives, some things remain constant. Help your child to recognize the parts of life that have stayed the same during the pandemic: maybe your whole family still has dinner together each night, or they still get to talk to their grandparents on FaceTime every Saturday afternoon. By maintaining family traditions and routines and highlighting them for children, you can make the world more secure and predictable for kids.

How to Help Children with Coronavirus Fears

Children are looking to the adults in their lives right now to determine how they should think and feel about the pandemic. By talking to our children honestly, but calmly, we can help them to take the outbreak seriously without adding unnecessary worry. When children don’t get enough information about the coronavirus, they tend to “fill in the blanks” with ideas or assumptions that might not be correct, leading to more fear. Providing age-appropriate facts can empower kids and reduce this anxiety.

You can also support your child by making sure they get a little bit of individual playtime with you each day, since children use their creative play to process their feelings about the world. This is also an important time to practice your own self-care, so that you can share your own feelings of calm with your children. If your child’s anxiety symptoms are increasing during the pandemic and you think they might benefit from some extra support, you may want to consider online therapy. If you’re in the Davidson, NC area, I’m happy to help!

Is Online Therapy for Kids Legit?

A lot has happened in the world since my last post! If you’re in North Carolina, today marks the beginning of a 21-day shelter-in-place order to help prevent further outbreak of COVID-19 and, hopefully, flatten the curve. This is a big deal for kids and families, who may suddenly be adjusting to a “new normal” that involves a lot more togetherness, unstructured time, and canceled plans. Part of my own new normal has been diving headfirst into the world of online therapy for children, and in this post I’ll be telling you all about what I’ve learned so far.

Are You Skeptical About Virtual Therapy? It’s OK—I Was, Too

I wish I could tell you that I’ve been 100% enthusiastically on board with online therapy for years and years, but that just isn’t true. Like many therapists, I have clung to the belief that in-person is always better. To my mind, online therapy was a “second place” option at best. After all, therapy is all about the healing relationship and connecting with the kids in my office: how can that work as well over a computer screen? How would play therapy work without a playroom?

When the new coronavirus started circulating in my area, there was no doubt in my mind about switching over to online sessions. I didn’t want to risk spreading germs to my immunocompromised families, or send a child to visit with Grandma and Grandpa not knowing if they might have picked up the virus in my playroom. “Second place” therapy in this situation, I figured, was better than no therapy at all.

Then I started actually doing online sessions, and I quickly realized what online therapists have been saying for years: online therapy is different, but equal to in-office counseling. In fact, sometimes it has an edge over face-to-face therapy when it comes to helping kids and families.

What Online Counseling Looks Like With Kids

Online counseling—also called Teletherapy, or distance therapy, uses video conferencing so that clients and therapists can see and hear each other in real time. If your child is familiar with FaceTime, Skype, or even Snapchat, they’ll probably have an intuitive understanding of how to use an online therapy platform. Most video chatting platforms used in therapy are designed to look and feel a lot like Skype or Zoom, but with more protections in place to prevent hacking and safeguard sensitive health information.

In my practice, I ask that children participating in online therapy have access to a computer with high speed internet in a room with a door that closes, in order to protect their privacy. It’s also helpful for kids to have paper, pencils, and markers available to use in session, just like they’d have if they were in my office. That’s likely all that older kids will need to have a successful virtual counseling session, but younger kids often enjoy having a few of their own toys on hand, as well. I’ve been introduced to lots of loveys and other special childhood toys this month!

Today’s Children Have Grown Up Using Technology to Connect

I often try to remember how I felt or reacted to things when I was the same age as my kid clients. This is helpful a lot of the time, but it held me back when I started considering online therapy. I tried to picture how I would have felt at 7, 8, 9, or 10 years old, talking to a counselor on our big family computer in the living room. It felt foreign and weird to think about, and I imagined it as a cold and clinical experience. At that time in my life, computers were still new, and the technology felt like it was separate from my day-to-day life.

However, my kid clients didn’t grow up like I did—and they probably didn’t grow up like you did, either. They’ve been FaceTiming aunts and grandparents since before they could talk. Many of them log many hours a week chatting with friends while playing Roblox or other multiplayer games with friends online. Communicating through technology doesn’t feel cold and detached to these kids: for many of them, it feels more familiar and “safe” than sitting on a couch and talking to an adult in real life.

There is Research to Support Teletherapy for Kids

When I’m trying to decide if a therapy treatment is legit, I turn to the research. It’s important to me that the techniques I use with kids have evidence to back them up, which is one reason why I love cognitive behavioral therapy. Luckily, there’s a growing body of research on teletherapy, and it comes to the same conclusion I’ve reached watching my clients in online sessions: online therapy can be just as effective (and sometimes more effective) as face-to-face counseling, even for kids.

Several peer-reviewed studies have found that people with anxiety and depression can get relief from online therapy, and that their improved mood continues after treatment is over. Researchers have also studied how kids respond to computer-based therapy, and found that it can be helpful for both depression and anxiety. According to the study, kids spend so much time on their phones and other devices that this form of therapy may come more naturally to them.

My Verdict On Online Therapy for Kids: It Is, in Fact, Legit

While some play therapy activities can’t be done online (I miss my sandbox!) there are plenty of reasons to consider online therapy as a different but equal way to get mental health help. Your child might be surprised to find they feel more comfortable chatting with their counselor from home, surrounded by their toys and pets. It may not be what we’re used to, but it’s legit.

Still looking for a therapist, but need some online help? My self-help course for kids teaches coping skills from an educational perspective, rather than a counseling one. Worry-Free Tweens was designed to help anxious kids ages 8-12 feel more in control of anxiety.

Still wondering about whether teletherapy could work for your child? Reach out to me here to learn more about online therapy for kids in the Lake Norman area.

How to Help a Child with Separation Anxiety

The first time your child told you they didn’t want you to leave, it might have been a sweet moment. Being sad to see someone go is a sign of a close, loving relationship. Maybe you offered a little reassurance and a few extra hugs, and sent your kiddo on his or her way. Lots of kids have worries about a parent going away every once in a while, but for some kids, these worries quickly snowball into larger fears that need extra help to resolve. When a child suffers from separation anxiety, it can get in the way of day-to-day activities and cause stress and frustration for the whole family.

If your child is struggling with separation anxiety, there is some good news: it’s totally normal and natural for children to want to stay with their parents. Children are hardwired for survival, and they know that their parents are the safe people in their lives who will protect them from harm. Almost all children go through a period of separation anxiety as infants and toddlers, and a lot of the time, the worries resolve by themselves once children learn that when Mom and Dad leave, they always come back.

Signs and Symptoms of Separation Anxiety

How can you tell if your child is experiencing a passing worry, or is struggling with anxiety that might need extra help? Here are a few signs that might indicate your child needs some extra support to move past their worries:

• You notice that your child appears much more clingy than other children his or her age

• The anxiety is keeping your child from participating in activities they want or need to do, such as school, birthday parties, or sleepovers with friends

• Your child’s worry seems to be getting more intense over time, or you are noticing more worries about other issues coming up

• Your child’s anxiety includes body symptoms, like headaches or stomach aches

If any of these bullet points sounds familiar to you, you might benefit from the ideas below.

How Parents Can Help Kids with Separation Anxiety

Stay calm: It can be nerve-wracking wondering if today is a ay your child is going to panic at school drop-off. Kids are really tuned into their parents emotions, and can often sense a parent’s anxiety. If a child sees that a parent is feeling nervous about separation, it can heighten the child’s anxiety, too.

Highlight your child’s strengths: It’s helpful to take focus away from a child’s worries, and put the focus on how capable the child is of handling a difficult situation. Rather than trying to talk your child out of her fears in the moment, tell her you know she’s a strong, brave person, and she can do this!

Practice deep breathing: Learning coping skills, like taking deep, belly breaths, can help kids to calm their bodies and minds. This can help children deal with their stress, and might cut down on body-based symptoms like stomach aches, as well.

Don’t prolong the separation: Sometimes, the longer a parent stays around, the more a child’s anxiety rises. It can be really hard to make a quick exit and not stay to give extra hugs and kisses when a child is feeling nervous, but a brief and loving goodbye helps a child transition faster into his next activity.

Child Therapy for Separation Anxiety in Davidson, North Carolina

Need more help with separation anxiety? Whether you live local to me in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina or far away, there are options to help. My educational course for kids teaches coping skills to deal with anxiety and life stress, and you can stream it immediately so your child can start learning right away.

If you’ve tried these techniques, and are still having a hard time helping your child get separation anxiety under control, it might be time to contact a child counselor for some extra support. Therapy can be a big help for children with anxiety, helping them to strengthen their coping skills, express feelings through play, and gradually learn how to separate from their parents or loved ones without fear.

If your family is in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina, please feel free to reach out to learn more about how counseling can help kids work through separation anxiety. I can also provide online therapy to kids in other parts of the state, as well as in New York and Florida. With some help and support, kids can feel more confident at school drop-off, sleepovers, and other independent activities.

Why is my kid obsessed with slime?

If you are a millennial like me, you might remember Gak. It was a toy sold by Nickelodeon in the 1990s, and came packaged in brightly colored plastic containers. It was more goopy than play-dough, more stretchy than silly putty, and if you squeezed it…it made rude-sounding noises. Old TV ads for Gak show a dowdy old teacher recoiling in disgust as kids stretch and squeeze their slimy toy.

I was OBSESSED WITH GAK. And so were a lot of other kids! If only I had known that you can make this squishy product at home with Elmer’s glue and Borax. I would have been swimming in it. Like so many other things from the 90s, Gak is cool again. Kids today are obsessed with slime: they make it at home using household ingredients like contact solution and shaving cream. They buy it from the store in a rainbow of colors and textures. There are even Etsy shops dedicated to selling artisanal slime.

Slime is messy. It can dry up and get stuck on carpets and furniture. It can stain fabric and skin. It uses up lots of ingredients and can get expensive to make. Have we all become the Nickelodeon teacher, turning our nose up at slime? Why are kids of all ages so fascinated by this gooey stuff? In this post, I’ll be looking into why kids are so obsessed with slime, and how it could actually help their mental health.

What are the benefits of slime?

It is true that slime has some downsides: it’s messy, it can be expensive, and it can get tiring to keep sacrificing bowls and utensils to a child’s slime-making pursuits. On the other hand, making and playing with slime can have some real benefits for kids, including the following:

• Manipulating slime and measuring ingredients can strengthen fine motor skills.

• Experimenting with slime recipes helps kids learn about cause and effect, and how to deal with failure. If a child doubles the glue or adds extra glitter, it could result in a “slime fail”, but the child has learned something about trying new things.

• It’s an appealing alternative to screen time. Many kids are so interested in slime that they’ll happily give up some TV or video game time to make it.

• Many kids say that slime has a calming, focusing quality. Slime is a form of sensory play, meaning it stimulates the senses. Sensory play can be soothing for kids, and is often used in play therapy for this reason.

Kids need sensory play

Today’s children have less time to play outside, shorter school recess, and more screen-based time than the generations before them. All of this equates to fewer opportunities to be messy. When was the last time you saw a child make a mud pie? “Messy” play experiences, like slime, are a form of sensory play that enriches a child’s awareness of their bodies and senses. Kids need this kind of play to grow and develop, and many children aren’t getting enough.

Slime helps kids get in touch with almost all the senses: they focus on how it feels, sounds, looks, and smells. This can lead to more self-awareness, as well as awareness about the world around them. Sensory play also helps children to develop: it’s been shown to boost language skills, problem solving skills, and cognitive abilities. The unmet need kids have for this kind of healthy play may explain the current obsession with slime.

Slime promotes mindfulness and grounding

When a child is focused on the tactile experience of playing with slime, they aren’t focused on their thoughts. Getting immersed in a sensory activity, like slime, can help kids focus on their experience in the present moment, rather than worrying about the future or replaying the past events of their day.

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware and accepting of what is happening in the present. It’s a simple concept, but it can be difficult to do. Mindfulness is often taught to adults and children as a way to handle overwhelming feelings like anxiety, and to help people feel more relaxed and focused in daily life. Focusing on body sensations is one way of practicing mindfulness, and so slime play can be a mindful experience for kids.

Grounding skills are anything that a person can do to help them feel more “rooted” or “grounded’ in the present, rather than allowing their mind to drift elsewhere. Grounding skills are often used with people following a trauma, to help them feel more secure and manage flashbacks. Sometimes, people are coached to give themselves a strong sensory experience, like a hot shower or holding a cold ice cube, as a form of grounding. Although it’s not exactly a grounding technique, I think slime provides a similar sensation that could have a grounding effect for kids.

At what age do kids become obsessed with slime?

As far as I can tell, kids of almost every age are interested in slime. It’s one of the only activities in my office that appeals to preschoolers as well as preteens. Slime is so much a part of kid culture right now that children of all ages know what it is. I have even had older teens request to go to the playroom to try out making slime. Interestingly, slime is becoming increasingly popular with adults, too: a pop-up shop just opened in New York City targeting grown-up fans of slime. It seems like everyone could use more sensory play in their lives, regardless of age.

Can slime ever be dangerous?

Some slime recipes include ingredients like Borax, which are not safe to eat and can cause irritation to the skin in large quantities. I recommend that young children should always be supervised when playing with slime, and it should be stored safely away from toddlers and young children who might be tempted to eat it. For most people, the small amount of Borax in slime is not likely to cause irritation, but I always wash my hands (and children’s hands) when finished playing, just in case.

Slime in play therapy

I always keep slime ingredients on hand in my therapy playroom. It’s a great way to break the ice when welcoming a new child into play therapy. Because the sensory element of slime is relaxing, it can help kids relax and feel more comfortable in a new situation. Slime can also help kids to self-soothe after a session that has been “deep” or difficult. It can give children a sense of control over their environment, since they get to control what goes into the mix. Finally, it’s just plain fun for kids, and fun in itself can be therapeutic. I find that many kids really enjoy slime for the first few sessions in therapy, and then are ready to move on to other things.

If you’re curious about how sensory play and play therapy can help kids become more mindful, you may want to check out my page on play therapy. This list of 31 activities is also a great jumping-off point for sensory play at home. If you’re located in the Lake Norman area in North Carolina and would like to talk more about how play therapy could help your child, you’re welcome to contact me.

PANS and PANDAS: A Cause of Sudden OCD in Kids?

I have a confession: I have been a child counselor for a while now, and I had never heard of PANS or PANDAS until fairly recently. It wasn’t covered in my graduate school program, or in my postgrad training. As far I was concerned PANS and PANDAS were kitchen implements and cute fuzzy bears from China.

All of a sudden, this year I began receiving many calls from parents looking for help for their kids who had been diagnosed with one of these two conditions. In this post, I’ll share what I’ve learned about PANS and PANDAS as a possible cause of sudden-onset OCD symptoms in kids. I’ll also let you know how therapy can help.

What Are PANS and PANDAS?

PANS stands for Pediatric Acute-Onset Neuropsychiatric Syndrome. In a child with PANS, anxiety and OCD-type symptoms develop very suddenly and severely due to an infection that has affected the child’s neurological system. Many types of infections are linked to PANS, including some fairly common ones like mononucleosis and Lyme disease.

PANDAS, or Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Syndrome Associated with Streptococcus, is a form of PANS. In PANDAS patients, the child’s rapid-onset symptoms are believed to be caused by the Strep A bacteria. Some researchers believe that PANDAS and is an autoimmune condition, in which the child’s body is attacking the brain instead of the bacteria causing the infection.

PANDAS was first identified in 1998, making it a relatively new condition. Because it’s so new, doctors and therapists are still learning about the causes of PANDAS and how best to help affected children.

What Are the Symptoms of PANS and PANDAS?

The most important detail to remember about PANDAS and PANS is that the symptoms come on very quickly. Usually, OCD and anxiety disorder symptoms develop gradually, over the course of months or years. Parents of children with PANDAS and PANS often describe the symptoms as almost coming out of the blue, developing over a weekend or a few days. These symptoms can quickly become so severe that they start to interfere with the child’s day-to-day life.

According to the International OCD Foundation, symptoms of PANS and PANDAS can include:

• Symptoms of OCD, like ritualized behavior or repeated worries

• Anxiety symptoms, like sudden separation anxiety

• Tics and other unusual movements, or problems with coordinated movement like handwriting

• Changes in eating and bathroom habits

• A recent strep infection (or other infection, in the case of PANS)

How are PANDAS and PANS Diagnosed and Treated?

PANDAS and PANS are diagnosed by a medical doctor. If the doctor thinks a child’s symptoms sound like they could be PANDAS, they will order tests like a throat culture or blood test that can detect a recent strep infection. If these tests come back positive, a doctor may choose to prescribe antibiotics to treat the infection. If child’s symptoms are due to PANDAS, they should subside along with the strep. PANS is diagnosed in a similar fashion, with tests and medications prescribed according to the infection that is suspected to be causing problems. Sometimes, when a child’s symptoms aren’t responding well to other medicines, doctors will use a more in-depth treatment called intravenous immunoglobulin (IVIG).

Doctors also often recommend therapy for PANS and PANDAS patients to treat the symptoms of anxiety and OCD caused by the illness. Although PANS and PANDAS may have a different cause than other anxiety disorders, kids with these conditions can still get relief from their symptoms with counseling.

Controversies: Are PANS and PANDAS Real Illnesses?

Because PANDAS and PANS are so new, doctors and researchers still are not in total agreement about what causes them. Some doctors are very convinced that strep and other infectious illnesses are the cause of PANS and PANDAS, while others feel there isn’t enough evidence yet to be certain. Some doctors feel more comfortable than others prescribing antibiotics to treat PANS and PANDAS symptoms, especially if the testing shows that the infection wasn’t extremely recent.

I’m not a medical doctor so I can’t speak to what really causes PANDAS and PANS or the best way to medically treat it. I do know that many children have had these symptoms since doctors first identified PANDAS in 1998, so whatever the cause, the problems children are suffering from are real. I also know that counseling, especially cognitive behavioral therapy, can be really helpful for these children.

Can PANS and PANDAS be Cured?

PANS and PANDAS are believed to be curable. Usually, if the symptoms are being caused by an infection, they get a lot better when the infection is treated. Counseling can also support kids in recovering from PANS and PANDAS and help them resolve any remaining anxiety after their medical treatment is done.

CBT for Children with PANS and PANDAS

Therapy can be helpful for kids with PANDAS and PANS for a few reasons:

• Learning coping skills to deal with anxiety might help symptoms resolve more quickly.

• Sometimes, even after medical treatment a child still shows signs of separation anxiety or OCD-type worrying. For these kids, the anxiety might have become a habit. They may have avoided the things causing their anxiety for so long, that now it is difficult to get back into their normal routine.

• PANS and PANDAS can be really frightening for kids. Children sometimes describe feeling out of control of their bodies. Having some support to work through the experience of suddenly getting sick can also help children to feel better.
  

Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, is often recommended for kids with PANDAS and PANS. This kind of therapy helps children to notice when they’re having unhelpful thoughts that lead to worrying, and learn how to face their fears rather than avoiding them. It’s more goal-oriented and structured than some other forms of child therapy, so kids can really focus on the triggers for their anxiety.

ERP for Kids with OCD Symptoms Due to PANS and PANDAS

For children who have sudden-onset OCD symptoms, a special kind of CBT called Exposure and Response Prevention, or ERP, is often the best fit. This kind of therapy helps children to gradually face the fears that set off OCD worries and behavior. Children learn how to handle triggering situations without resorting to rituals or repeated behavior to help calm them down. Over time, kids feel more in control of their thoughts and less bothered by worries.

Help for PANS and PANDAS in Davidson, North Carolina

I’m a counselor who practices in Davidson, North Carolina, where I specialize in using CBT to help children combat anxiety. If you’d like to hear more about how I might be able to help your child with PANS or PANDAS, reach out to me here.

Not located near Davidson? I can provide online therapy throughout North Carolina, New York, and Florida. I also have an online coping skills course for kids with anxiety called Worry-Free Tweens. Because it’s education-based and not therapy, it’s available everywhere.

You can also get more in-depth information by checking out the references below.

International OCD Foundation’s PANDAS Page
Parents.com’s feature on PANDAS
PANDAS Physicians Network on how CBT helps PANDAS

3 Quick and Easy Coping Skills for Kids with Anxiety

In therapy as in life, there’s no such thing as a quick fix. Helping a child work through anxiety or trauma is a gradual process, and a child often needs lots of time to grow, learn new ways of thinking about things, and make sense of experiences. When working with kids, it helps to be patient.

But what about the times when patience isn’t going to cut it? What if your child is in the middle of a panic attack, and you need help right now? Or you’ve only recently started therapy, nut there’s an event looming in the near future that you know is likely to trigger anxiety? These situations are what coping skills are made for. Read on to learn 3 easy coping skills for kids with anxiety that can be used any time, anywhere.

What’s a Coping Skill, Exactly?

“Coping skill” is a broad term for any healthy habit or activity a person uses to manage strong feelings. They turn down the volume on anxious thoughts, so a child can carry on with her day. They are used deliberately when a person is feeling anxious, stressed, or angry as a way to cool off their feelings, so the person can think more clearly or get through a difficult situation. Coping skills can also be an alternative to unhealthy or even harmful behavior that some people resort to when feeling overwhelmed.

Meditation, mindfulness, physical activity, and creative arts activities all fall under the umbrella of coping skills kids with anxiety or other mental health concerns might use to manage their emotions. Lots of coping strategies help kids to focus on their breath or objects around them to help them take their attention off their anxious feelings, and focus them on something else.

Teaching a child coping skills won’t address the underlying cause of anxiety or trauma symptoms. However, helping a child learn to relax, self-soothe, and focus their attention elsewhere is a critical skill. . Over time, coping skills can build resilience and keep kids from having strong reactions when they feel stressed.

Why Do Kids with Anxiety Need Coping Skills?

When a child is very anxious, her brain and body are in fight-or-flight mode. Fight-or-flight is a natural response that is hardwired in all of us to help keep us safe from danger, giving us a big surge of adrenaline and other hormones that quickly get us ready to fight off an attacker or run for our lives. Fight-or-flight affects many systems in the body, including heart rate, sweating, breath, and digestion.

An anxious kid’s fight-or-flight response isn’t working quite the way it should. It’s going off at the wrong times, putting him in this physically uncomfortable state when he doesn’t need to be there. While coping skills can’t change the circumstances making a child anxious, they can help to change the fight-or-flight response.

Coping skills help anxious children to relax in both the short- and long-term. They help the child to calm down right away, lessening the anxiety and panic so that the child can decide how to handle a situation. They can also help in the long run: the more a child practices a coping skill, the more effective it becomes. Some children with anxiety find that when they practice coping skills regularly, their fight-or-flight response becomes less sensitive.

How Coping Skills Work for Anxious Children

Coping skills can work in a few ways:

• They can help kids to relax: coping skills are a great way for kids with anxiety to calm their fight-or-flight response.

• They buy kids time: they give children an opportunity to pause and consider all their options before making a decision.

• They shift a child’s focus: coping skills often help a child put his attention on something outside of himself, which can help to reduce worries.

Coping Skill for Anxiety #1: Breathing in a Box

Breathing in a box is a simple way to teach children how to breathe slowly and mindfully. Draw a square on a piece of paper, and have your child trace their finger around the shape.

As your child moves his finger up one side of the square, he can breathe in on a count of 4. Next, hold the breath for a count of four as his finger moves along the top of the square. As his finger moves down the side, breathe out on a count of 4. Finally, rest for a count of 4 as his finger moves along the bottom of the box, before starting the breath cycle again.

The full cycle would look like this: Breathe in 1-2-3-4, Hold 1-2-3-4, Breathe out 1-2-3-4, Rest 1-2-3-4.

Coping Skill for Anxiety #2: Squeeze and Relax

Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or “squeeze and relax”, is a popular coping skill used to help kids struggling with anxiety, trauma, and insomnia. When a child is anxious or afraid, the muscles of the body tense up, which can lead to headaches, stomach aches, and other bodily symptoms of stress. Squeezing and releasing each muscle group in a sequence sends a message to the brain and body that it’s safe to relax right now.

To practice this, your child can start by squeezing the hands tightly (but not painfully) for a few seconds, and then relaxing. With just one squeeze there should be a noticeable difference in how the hands feel. Try the squeeze again, and then move to other muscle groups, like the arms, shoulders, stomach, and legs. Start at the top of the body and move down to the feet, before ending with one big, full-body squeeze.

Coping Skill for Anxiety #3: 5-4-3-2-1

This simple tool is particularly good for combating panic attacks as well as trauma symptoms like flashbacks. Grounding skills like this one pull a child’s focus away from the worries in her head and back to the world around her. Here’s how to try this coping skill:

Name 5 things you can see in the room or place around you
Name 4 things you can touch around you
Name 3 things you can hear (you may need to really pay attention)
Name 2 things you can smell: if you can’t smell anything after really trying, name your favorite smells
Name 1 thing you can taste: if you can’t taste anything, imagine what the last thing you ate tasted like

This quick skill can be used almost anywhere, since all it requires is use of the 5 senses.

More Coping Skills Resources for Anxious Kids in North Carolina

If these coping skills seem like a step in the right direction for your child, there are many more options to try. My educational course for anxious kids, Worry Free Tweens, covers these coping skills and other tools for managing anxiety in more depth. You’ll also find tips for parents so you can help your child to practice at home, and manage your own stress, too.

If you feel like your child needs more support, or other issues insomnia or back-to-school anxiety are making life complicated, therapy can help. I love helping anxious kids learn strategies to handle their worries. If you’re in the Lake Norman area of North Carolina, I’d love to help at my child therapy office. You’re always welcome to reach out to me, or to inquire about online counseling, which is available to kids in North Carolina, New York, and Florida.

ERP Therapy for Children

How Exposure and Response Prevention Helps OCD

When I first meet a child with OCD, they often tell me they feel hopeless. Kids with OCD are usually aware something is wrong: the worries that bother them feel foreign, and they wish they could just make the thoughts go away. When a child isn’t able to control his thoughts on his own, it can be a powerless and scary feeling.

The compulsive behaviors and rituals that come along with OCD can quickly become all-consuming, taking kids away from fun activities they love and leaving them feeling frustrated and embarrassed. Even though OCD can feel hopeless, the truth is that there’s a therapy approach out there that is really effective for treating obsessions and compulsions. ERP therapy for children can help kids deal with the overwhelming worries of OCD, and the way that it works might surprise you.

What is ERP Therapy?

ERP stands for Exposure and Response Prevention. It is a form of therapy that has been specifically designed and studied to treat OCD symptoms in adults, teens, and children, and it is often considered a “gold standard” for OCD treatment. ERP is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy, meaning that it’s based on the belief that changing a person’s thinking patterns and actions can also affect their emotions. Although some kids with OCD might also benefit from medication, ERP therapy does not involve medication. You can find ERP being practiced in big mental health centers as well as in private practice by psychologists, counselors, social workers, and other mental health professionals.

The main goal of ERP is to help children gradually face the frightening or difficult situations that set off their OCD worries (called exposure) without having to do their OCD behavior or ritual (response prevention). This is done in a safe, controlled way, usually in the therapy office, to keep children from feeling too overwhelmed. Children are taught about how OCD thoughts work to make them less mysterious and scary, and are given tools to fight back when their OCD thoughts arise.

Can Young Children Have OCD?

OCD can start at any age. Although most people with OCD aren’t correctly diagnosed until adulthood, two thirds of adults with OCD say their symptoms began before the age of 18. OCD can be diagnosed in children as early as age 6, and the time frame between 6 and 15 years of age is a common time for children to develop symptoms.

Here are some possible signs of childhood OCD to look out for:

• Recurring fears, worries, or thoughts that the child doesn’t want to have, but can’t stop thinking about

• Fears about hygiene (like handwashing), morality (like telling the truth), illness (like vomiting), or violent or upsetting thoughts

• Needing to sort, count, or perform an action an excessive number of times, or in a certain sequence

• The repeated worries and tasks are getting in the way of your child’s day-to-day life

How Does ERP Therapy Work with Children?

ERP therapy for children is based on the same tools and ideas as ERP for adults, but adapted to be more kid-friendly. OCD can feel disorienting and even embarrassing to children, who are often aware something is wrong but feel powerless to stop it. The first step in ERP with kids is to help children understand what OCD is, how it works, and that they are not alone. Explaining OCD using metaphors, reading age-appropriate books about ODC, and art and play therapy techniques can all help demystify OCD and help children understand that they’re experiencing something common and manageable.

Once kids have a better understanding of OCD, we can start teaching children tools to stop the cycle of OCD worries, and get control over their compulsive behavior.

“Bossing Back” OCD Thoughts with ERP

ERP therapy for children is a cognitive-behavioral approach, meaning that it focuses on a child’s thoughts and behavior to help shift their mood. Usually, ERP starts by helping a child learn to manage the repeated worries and unwanted thoughts that arise over and over with OCD. Sometimes these are described as “intrusive thoughts” because the thoughts can be upsetting ones that a child would never choose to have, but they pop into the child’s brain anyway.

In ERP a child learns that, like a glitch or a hiccup, these intrusive thoughts can be bothersome, but they’re not dangerous or a sign that something is seriously wrong. Kids learn how these OCD thoughts are different and less realistic than everyday thoughts, and practice spotting them when they pop up. Once a child can identify her OCD thoughts, she can learn tools to be the boss of them, instead of getting bossed around by the unhelpful worries.

Children might learn ways to use logic to prove that worries aren’t accurate, which can help take some of their power away. Children can also learn how to talk back to their fears, coming up with more helpful and empowering statements to say to themselves when an OCD thought is bothering them. Rather than being bossed around by OCD worries, children learn how to “boss back” and challenge their thoughts to regain control over them.

Doing the Opposite

The behavior-based part of ERP therapy for children is the one that might surprise you. After children tackle the thoughts and worries of OCD, they are asked to do the exact thing their OCD tells them not to do. For example, a child with a fear of getting germs on their hands might be encouraged to play in the mud…without washing her hands right away. A kid who worries about throwing up might be asked to talk about vomiting and make barf jokes in therapy sessions.

This might seem counterintuitive: if a child is feeling really anxious about a certain activity, won’t doing it make him feel worse? When a person is anxious, it’s really tempting to avoid anything that triggers anxiety. Each time we do this, however, we are “feeding” the anxiety and making it stronger in the long run. Although our anxiety might go away when we avoid a scary thing, the next time we encounter the same situation it will come back even stronger.

Kids are never asked to face their fears all at once—this would be way too scary and overwhelming! Instead, a therapist helps a child to work up to the scariest situations, bit by bit, usually over the course of many weeks. This is done in a safe setting like a therapy office, where the therapist can control the situation and make sure the child is not feeling too overwhelmed. Each time the child faces a part of their fear, they re-train the brain that this situation is not something worth getting so anxious over. Children are also encouraged not to practice their OCD behavior during this time, even if it feels like it would help them to reduce their anxiety. By ignoring the urge to complete a compulsive behavior, we can diminish its strength over time, and eventually children may not feel the need to do it at all.

More Resources on ERP Therapy for Children

If you suspect a child in your life has OCD, and wonder if ERP therapy for children could be helpful, there are a few next steps you can take. My blog post on child OCD symptoms can help you learn more about how OCD can manifest in kids, or you can check out my homepage on childhood anxiety to get advice about how to help kids soothe anxiety at home. You can also visit the International OCD Foundation’s website, which has excellent resources for families and can help you find a therapist who specializes in OCD in your area.

If you’re in the Lake Norman or Charlotte, NC areas, I’m always happy to talk about local resources and how I might be able to help support your child with OCD. You can reach out to me here.

Signs of OCD in Children: What Parents Can Look For

Obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD, is a common form of anxiety that affects up to 3% of kids in the U.S. Parents can play a big role in spotting early signs and symptoms of OCD in children, especially since the problems kids experience can be subtle at first. In this post, I’ll debunk some of the common myths and misconceptions about OCD, highlight some common symptoms to look for, and share how to get the best help for your child if you’re concerned about OCD.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Stereotypes vs. Reality

“I like to make sure all my papers and pencils are organized…I’m a little OCD.”
“I’m super OCD about my house being clean.”
“I have such OCD about getting my books back to the library on time.”

Have you ever heard anyone talk like this? Over the last decade or so, “OCD” has become a household word. Often used as a slang term to describe someone who is very organized or strict about something, the way we use “OCD” in casual conversations is not a very accurate description of what life is like for people who have this disorder. More people are aware of OCD than ever before, which is great! On the other hand, the stereotype of an “OCD” person as always being extremely neat and tidy might make it harder for parents to spot true signs of OCD in children. Not all kids (or adults) with OCD are particularly clean or organized!

Obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD, is a form of anxiety that affects both children and adults, but often begins in childhood. The American Psychiatric Association defines OCD as “an anxiety disorder in which time people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions) that make them feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions).”

Common OCD Symptoms in Children

OCD has two main symptoms: obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are repeated, bothersome thoughts that are different from the worries most of us experience occasionally. They pop up again and again, even when the person does not want to be thinking about them. Often, the thoughts are very unrealistic, frightening, or illogical. People who suffer from OCD may know that their worries are not logical, but continue to be bothered by them.

To stop their obsession from bothering them, people with OCD feel compelled to do something to relieve anxiety or to prevent something bad from happening. This might be a common behavior that has been taken to an extreme and repeated too much, like handwashing or asking for reassurance. Sometimes, the behavior may not be tied logically to their worry. For example, kids with OCD may need to a certain number of items perform tasks in a certain order.

Kids with OCD sometimes describe an “itch” or “not right” feeling that they have until their compulsion is completed. While performing a compulsive behavior helps the person to feel better for a little while, the OCD thought always recurs again, leading the person to have to perform the compulsion over and over.

Everybody has worries or feels the need to do something to prevent bad luck from time to time, but for children and adults with OCD, these repetitive behaviors take up a ton of time—even many hours a day. The obsessions and compulsions of OCD get in the way of a person’s day-to-day life. If your child’s repetitive behavior or worries are beginning to interfere with their daily activities, it’s a sign that OCD symptoms may be to blame.

What Are the Most Common Signs of OCD in Children?

Often, children feel very confused or even ashamed of OCD symptoms. They may not be able to verbalize exactly what they’re going through to their parents, but they can probably tell something is not right. A child with OCD may bring up repeated worries, even after being reassured about it multiple times, or appear repeatedly anxious in situations that may not seem entirely logical. Some common fears and obsessions for children with OCD are:

• Fear of dirt, germs, or items becoming “contaminated”

• Worries related to religion or morality, such a truthful child being afraid of possibly lying

•  A need for things to be symmetrical, in a certain order, or done a certain number of times

• Worries about getting sick, others getting sick, or throwing up

• Thoughts about violent or upsetting things happening that feel intrusive (unwanted by the child)

In addition to these worries, children with OCD usually feel the need to repeat a certain behavior over and over again. These repeated actions, called compulsions, are also commons sign of OCD in children:

• Repeatedly checking things, such as light switches, the oven, or reviewing homework

• Rituals that must be performed exactly the same way each time, such as an elaborate bedtime routine

• Hand-washing, showering, or brushing teeth more often than necessary

• Counting or arranging items in a specific way

• Repeatedly asking for reassurance from parents or friends

What’s the Best Treatment for OCD Symptoms in Kids?

OCD can impact many areas of a child’s life, including their ability to focus on schoolwork, their sleep and eating habits, and their ability to fit in with friends. Treatment for OCD supports a child in all these domains, as well as helping the child to break the cycle of obsessions and compulsions. Research suggests that Exposure and Response Prevention, also known as ERP, is the most effective form of therapy for OCD.

ERP helps children to notice when their worries become obsessive, and empowers them with specific strategies to reduce their need to follow through with compulsive behavior. Over time, the urge to complete the compulsion gets weaker and weaker, and children are better able to identify and ignore any “OCD worries”.

Get Help for OCD and Childhood Anxiety in Charlotte, North Carolina

If you’re interested in learning more about how therapy could help your child with the signs and symptoms of OCD, feel free to reach out to me here. I’m available to help kids in North Carolina, New York, and Florida using online therapy. Not in one of those states, or not ready for therapy? Learning coping skills such as relaxation techniques and how to spot unhelpful thinking patterns can benefit kids with any form of anxiety. My educational course, Worry-Free Tweens, is not a replacement for therapy but may be a helpful first step for you and your child to learn skills together.

You can also find more helpful information at the sources below:
Nationwide Children’s Guide to OCD
The CDC’s Children’s Mental Health OCD Information Page

Drama Therapy for Children: Express Yourself Through Theater

Drama Therapy uses storytelling and make-believe to help children work through feelings

This is the second blog post in my series on drama therapy. Click here to read part one!

Drama therapy is a form of mental healthcare that uses theater techniques to improve the mind-body connection, encourage emotional growth, and provide symptom relief. When drama therapy is used with kids, storytelling, imaginative play, props such as dolls and puppets, as well as theater techniques like improvisation and performance help children to explore their feelings, connect with others, and problem-solve difficult situations.

Drama therapy can be used in both group and individual therapy sessions. Because it helps participants express themselves nonverbally, it works well for people of all ages and abilities, as well as across cultures or when there may be a language barrier within a group. Today, I’d like to talk about how Drama Therapy can be an especially powerful tool for kids in counseling.

Drama Therapy for Children: No Theater Experience Required

Parents might wonder if their child has to have a flair for the dramatic in order to benefit from Drama therapy. Is this a form of counseling just for "theater kids?" Not at all! Kids who are natural performers or have theater experience are a great fit for a drama therapy group, since they’ll be building on their strengths and connecting with other children who may share their interests.

However, I believe that more introverted kids can benefit just as much—if not more—from therapy that uses theater techniques. There’s a lot more to Drama therapy than just performing on stage, and the skills can be modified to meet any child’s needs and comfort level with performing.

Why Drama Therapy is a Natural Fit for Children

If you have a young child in your life, you have probably seen her pretend to be a superhero, or act out scenes from a favorite movie or story using her friends or toys. Children are natural storytellers, and they love to take on the roles of their favorite characters and heroes. This type of play is the foundation of drama therapy!

Kids are naturally inclined to work out their feelings and learn through play. Child therapists like to say that "play is the child's language,” and research has shown that imaginative, make-believe play is a critical part of healthy child development. Even when children are exploring pretend scenarios in play, they are learning important lessons about real life. Drama therapy builds on this natural capacity for imaginative play to help children work through feelings and events that might be too big to describe with words. 

What Kinds of Children Benefit from Drama Therapy?

Drama Therapy has been used to help children with a wide variety of problems. Some of these include:

• Children having problems with relationships, or who need to practice social skills

• Children on the autism spectrum

• Children who are acting out behaviorally

• Children who are recovering from a serious injury or illness

• Children who have experienced trauma or loss

In general, drama therapy can be an asset for any child who has a hard time verbalizing his feelings. Even bright and talkative kids often have a hard time articulating deep, underlying worries or emotions. Even if they can verbalize them, many kids are hesitant to share these deep-down feelings out of a fear that they may become too overwhelming for themselves or others to handle. For these kids, traditional talk therapy alone may not be the most helpful option. Drama Therapy can help children begin to access and explore their emotions in a less threatening, more playful environment.

Benefits of Drama Therapy for Kids

Drama therapy has some unique benefits for children when compared to other forms of therapy. Here are a few of the common positive outcomes for children who participate in drama therapy:

Reduced Social Isolation: Drama Therapy is a community-building activity that helps children build empathy and social skills. Young people have the opportunity to walk in another person’s shoes and may discover that their peers not only understand their worries and problems, but share them.

Increased Self-esteem: Children can experience the confidence that comes from learning a new skill, whether performing for a full house, a group of peers, or an audience of one. Theater performance celebrates the uniqueness of each individual and can help young people to identify their own strengths.

Practicing New Skills: Roleplaying allows kids to try out new coping and social skills in a safe, low-risk environment. The role-player is free to experiment and make mistakes, and discover how different approaches to a problem have different outcomes.

Creative Problem-Solving: Drama therapy increases children’s creativity and spontaneity, encouraging young people to trust their instincts and come up with new, out-of-the-box ways to approach life's challenges.

Improved Emotional Expression: Drama therapy is a great way to more deeply explore feelings that may not be accessible with verbal therapy alone. It can also be a safe way to explore feelings that are too big or scary to talk about directly.

Learn More about Drama Therapy for Children

Drama Therapists are increasingly employed in settings that work with children, such as schools, early intervention programs, recreational facilities, and hospitals. Drama therapy for kids can also sometimes be found in therapy practices specializing in children, such as my own.

To find out more about how Drama therapy can benefit young children, check out the North American Drama Therapy Association’s website here.

If you’re in the Davidson area, I’m a Registered Drama Therapist and would be happy to talk more with you about this unique form of child therapy. You can contact me here.

Back-to-School Anxiety: 3 Ways to Handle Monday Morning Jitters

Depending on where you live, school has been back in session now for a month or two. Maybe it already seems like ages ago that you snapped that cute photo of your child holding a sign announcing their new grade and teacher’s name.

By this point in the year, many children are already fully immersed in standardized testing practice, project deadlines, extracurricular activities, and other school happenings that can be both exciting and stressful. Ok…maybe more stressful, and less exciting. Possibly very stressful. Today, let’s talk about what you can do when Monday mornings have become a source of dread. Here are 3 ways to help your child manage school anxiety!

Anxiety About Going to School…In October?

I see many kids begin to struggle with school anxiety in late fall. By this point in the year, the novelty of being back at school has worn off, and the daily routine has fully set in. Big class projects and tests are in full swing. Even kids who were a little excited to return to school in September may be dreading it by October or November.

While it’s normal for most children to feel hesitant to get on the school bus occasionally, or to have a tough time waking up in the morning, some children’s worries about going back to school become so overwhelming that it interferes with their attendance in class. If you’re wondering whether your child’s anxiety about school has reached a level where therapy might be helpful, here are a few questions to consider:

• How often is the anxiety happening? For example, is it just on Monday mornings following a weekend away, or is it becoming an everyday occurrence?

• Is your child complaining of physical symptoms, like headaches, stomach aches, or vomiting, that only seem to occur on school days?

• Is your child’s anxiety response getting stronger or weaker as the school year progresses?

• Have your child’s worries escalated to the point that tantrums or intense fearfulness are keeping him from being able to attend class?

If you found yourself answering “yes” to a couple of these questions, you are not alone! School is an extremely important, formative part of a child’s life, but the day-to-day experience of attending school can be stressful even for bright, resilient children. The increased focus on standardized testing and the added peer pressure of social media don’t make the experience any easier. Keep reading for a few tips on how to handle school anxiety.

School Anxiety Tip #1: Teach Relaxation Skills for Back-to-School Stress

Simple techniques that use the breath or senses to soothe anxiety can be used almost anywhere, and are easy enough that even young children can master them. Teaching your child to take slow, deep belly breaths (called diaphragmatic breathing) can be helpful, as well as helping your child to practice tensing and relaxing the muscles of the body, starting at the head and moving down toward the feet (called progressive muscle relaxation). It’s best to practice these skills repeatedly while the child is feeling calm. That way, the next time she is feeling anxious or panicked, she knows just what to do.

If these relaxation techniques work well for your child and you’d like to learn more of them, check out my coping skills courses for kids. These educational courses give kids tools they can use right away to manage big feelings like anxiety, anger, and stress. They also include a guide for parents, so you can help your child make the most of their coping skills at home.

School Anxiety Tip #2: Read Books that Tackle School-Related Worries

In therapy-speak, we refer to using books in the counseling process as bibliotherapy. Reading a book with your child can be a great way to gently open up a conversation about a topic. Children may feel less nervous or threatened talking about their school worries when the conversation is focused on a fictional character, rather than themselves. A good story can add some much-needed humor to a scary situation, while also helping children feel less alone with their fears.

Two of my favorite books about school for young children are School’s First Day of School by Adam Rex, which tells the story of a first day in Kindergarten from the perspective of a school building, and The Pigeon HAS to Go to School, from Mo Willem’s popular series for kids. Neither one feels overly “therapy-y”, but the plotlines are reassuring and empowering. They’re interesting enough stories that kids stay emotionally invested throughout.

School Anxiety Tip #3: Keep Class Attendance Consistent (Even When It’s Hard)

This is the hardest advice to follow, but it might be the most important! When a child is in extreme distress about attending school, it is very tempting to diffuse the situation by allowing her to stay home and relax. Taking an occasional mental health day is not likely to cause problems for most children. However, for kids with severe school anxiety, taking days off is virtually guaranteed to make anxiety worse over time.

By avoiding the anxiety-provoking situation, we are alleviating a child’s fears for the moment, but also sending a message to the child’s anxiety response that school is worth being afraid of. The next day, the child may find it is even more difficult to get back to class. Helping children face their fears is the best way to combat anxiety about going back to school.

Middle School Is Tough, But Your Child Is Tougher. Therapy Can Help With Back-to-School Anxiety!

If you’d like more information on how to support a child struggling with back-to-school anxiety, feel free to reach out to me. Counseling that utilizes play therapy and cognitive-behavioral techniques can be a big help in reducing anxiety about school for children who are really struggling. You can reach me directly by filling out this form to inquire about how therapy might be helpful for your child. I can help families living in North Carolina, New York, or Florida through online therapy.

Not living in one of those states, or not ready for counseling? For some kids, learning effective and easy-to-use coping skills can be enough to break the cycle of back-to-school anxiety. My educational course, Worry Free Tweens, is designed especially to help middle school or late elementary-aged kids learn how to overcome anxiety. Kids walk away from the course with a better understanding of how anxiety works, and how they can control their worries—both now and as they grow up.

Good luck, and may this school year be your best one yet!

What's a Registered Play Therapist?

An RPT is a therapist who specializes in play therapy with children.

If your younger child is struggling but has a hard time talking about her feelings, keep reading: this post is for you.

Any parent who has searched for a child counselor is probably familiar with the string of letters that follow every therapist’s name. This “alphabet soup” of acronyms demonstrate that a therapist has specialized training to help with a particular problem.

More specialties are becoming avialable all the time, which is a great thing! No matter your concern or your stage in life, there is likely a therapist in your area who has been specially trained to be the best help to you. But if you’re not familiar with every acronym, it can be hard to tell exactly what you’re looking at.

There’s one set of letters that’s particularly important to know if you’re searching for a counselor for a young child: RPT. Today, we’re going to talk about Registered Play Therapists—also called RPTs—and learn why this special type of therapy can be so helpful for kids.

What is a Registered Play Therapist?

A Registered Play Therapist, or RPT, is a counselor, psychologist, or other mental health professional who has received additional training in helping people heal through play. RPTs use play activities in a strategic way to help young people express feelings, work through problems, and practice new ways of interacting with others.

More traditional talk therapy techniques often work great for adults, but they’re not always so effective for children. Kids are much more likely to show their feelings, rather than tell about them. They don’t process their experiences through language as easily as adults do.

A Registered Play Therapist uses familliar toys like dolls, stuffed animals, art supplies, and even slime to help kids learn, discover, and process information in the way that’s most comfortable to them. You may find that your child can make more progress and express deeper feelings in play therapy, because they’re in a more age-appropriate environment.

Who Should See a Registered Play Therapist?

Preschool and elementary-aged kids who still use imaginative play to learn and express themselves are great candidates for play therapy with a Registered Play Therapist.

People of all ages benefit from play, but most participants in play therapy are children or teens. The majority of children in play therapy in are between 2 and 12 years of age. If a child has an interest in toys, make-believe, and imaginative play, it’s a good indicator that they could benefit from (and enjoy!) play therapy.

Some of the concerns that bring children to a play therapist’s office include:

• Anxiety and phobias

• Tantrums or behavior problems

• Grief and loss

• Trauma

• Social skills difficulties

• Problems in family relationships

• Coping with big life changes, like divorce or a recent move

Play therapy can be especially helpful for children who are working through experiences that are too big to easily put into words. The birth of a new sibling, overwhelming fear or anger, or experiences with trauma and loss can all be difficult to talk about. Play offers kids another way to express their feelings that isn’t as intimidating. A play therapist can guide a child as they work through their feelings and deepen their understanding of what happened.

How Are RPTs Different Than Other Therapists?

While many therapists may incorporate toys into their therapy sessions to help children feel more at ease and facilitate conversation, Registered Play Therapists are trained to work with children through play at a deeper level. Using the metaphors of play and storytelling, an RPT can help a child to communicate and explore feelings and subjects that she may not be able to put into words. An RPT’s work with children is rooted in play therapy theory, as well as knowledge of child development.

This means that when your child meets with a play therapist, they’re doing more than “just playing” with toys, the way they might at home. The therapist is responding and guiding the play with a plan in mind to help your child work toward the goals you’ve set. This might mean helping a child express their feelings about a situation, safely express anger, use coping skills, or strengthen self-esteem through play.

What Training Do You Need to Become a Registered Play Therapist?

All Registered Play Therapists hold a Master’s degree or higher in a field of mental health, like counseling, psychology, or social work. They also have to pass an exam to be licensed to practice therapy in their state, just like other therapists. But RPTs complete additional coursework during or after graduation to deepen their knowledge of children, development, and play therapy.

To become a Registered Play Therapist, you must complete a minimum of 150 hours of additional training on different subjects related to play therapy. During this time, you also consult with a more senior therapist who is an expert in play therapy, so they can give you feedback on your work and help you become a stronger therapist.

By the time an RPT starts conducting play therapy sessions with kids, they’ve received additional training in child development that goes beyond what most therapists were taught in their grad school programs. They’ve also learned how play can help children with specific problems, including behavioral difficulties, grief and loss, ADHD, social skills difficulties, anxiety, and depression.

This helps play therapists use toys and games intentionally when they meet with kids, keeping their specific needs and goals in mind.

Find a Registered Play Therapist in Davidson, North Carolina

I’m a Registered Play Therapist based in Davidson, North Carolina. I’m avialable to meet with families both in the Charlotte area and throughout New York, North Carolina, and Florida.

The Association for Play Therapy maintains a database of all Registered Play Therapists, both in the U.S. and globally. Families looking for a play therapist can run a search for therapists working near their zip code who have completed formal play therapy training.

Are you in the Charlotte area? I am a Davidson-based Registered Play Therapist who specializes in helping tweens (ages 8 to 13) through anxiety, OCD, and trauma. Keeping sessions playful makes it a lot easier for kids to learn coping skills and face their fears. I also love using games (like Dungeons & Dragons!) to help kids socialize and meet like-minded peers.

My Davidson, NC play therapy office is accessible to Charlotte and Lake Norman-area families. If that commute doesn’t work for you, fear not! If you’re anywhere in North Carolina, New York, or Florida, we can also meet online. Reach out here to learn more, and see if we might be a good fit.

All About Drama Therapy (and Why It’s Not Just for Extroverts)

Find out how drama therapy might help your child, even if she’s not a “theater kid”

When you hear the words “drama therapy”, what do you think of? Maybe you imagine standing on stage, performing a play in front of an audience. If you’re super extroverted (like me!) this might appeal to you, but if you are someone who is not so jazzed about public speaking, this might sound like a nightmare. How could performing a play be therapeutic?

I had some of these same thoughts before I became a Registered Drama Therapist. I knew that I loved theater, and I knew that creating and performing art was an inherently healing activity, but I wasn’t entirely sure how theater could be used to help heal mental health problems. Here’s a little bit of what I have learned about the field of drama therapy, and why it might be a great fit for you or your child…even if you aren’t an extrovert.

Therapy That Uses Theater

While some drama therapists do help their clients to perform plays, there are many other ways to practice drama therapy that don’t involve getting up on a stage in front of lots of people. Most Drama Therapists incorporate theater techniques, like improvisation, roleplay, and storytelling, into group or individual therapy sessions where there is a greater sense of privacy. Sometimes, Drama Therapy is a standalone form of therapy treatment, but it can also be blended with other, more familiar forms of therapy that a client may already be using, such as CBT, trauma-focused therapy, or play therapy.

The North American Drama Therapy Association defines drama therapy as "the intentional use of theater techniques to achieve symptom relief, emotional growth, and mind-body integration." It’s an experiential form of therapy, which means participants learn by doing, rather than simply sitting and talking about their feelings and problems. This full-body approach can be a great fit for clients who have a hard time feeling grounded and focused in traditional therapy, or who need to access bigger, deeper feelings that are difficult to put into words.

What Are the Benefits of Drama Therapy?

Although acting is a form of make-believe, drama therapy explores real-life issues. Through an imagined character or an improvised scenario, we get the opportunity to try out new ways of interacting with other people, and can come up with more creative solutions to problems than we might think of in our everyday lives. Because Drama Therapy is based in play, it’s often a less intimidating, more enjoyable way to explore heavy subjects. The safe remove of make-believe can also make it easier to share experiences or feelings that might be too overwhelming to talk about right away in traditional talk therapy.

Theater is one of the oldest art forms on earth, and it can be found in cultures all over the world. By participating in a Drama Therapy group, people can develop a sense of community, create new friendships, boost empathy, and strengthen self-esteem. For people who have experienced trauma, Drama Therapy can be especially helpful because it engages the entire body, which helps to fully process traumatic memory and relieves trauma-related symptoms, like flashbacks. Drama Therapy is also an excellent option for people interested in improving their social skills, because it emphasizes nonverbal communication and team-building.

Finding a Registered Drama Therapist

Many Drama Therapists enter the field after professional careers in theater, where they may have noticed the healing effect that drama can have on both the audience and the performers. Therapists who are certified in Drama Therapy are called Registered Drama Therapists. This is a specialized, Master’s-level credential that requires the same coursework as a mental health counselor, as well as extensive training in several forms of Drama Therapy, professional theater, and completion of a supervised internship that is equivalent to a second Master’s degree. Like other mental health professionals, Drama Therapists are board certified and adhere to a code of ethics.

Because it doesn’t rely solely on verbal communication, drama therapy has been used across many cultures, and adapted to meet the needs of people of all ages, abilities, and needs. Drama Therapists can be found working in a wide variety of settings, including inpatient and outpatient mental health facilities, schools, shelters, Early Intervention programs, wellness centers, and in private practice. If you’d like to learn more about Drama Therapy, please feel free to reach out to me (I’m a Registered Drama Therapist myself!), or check out the North American Drama Therapy Association’s website.

Help! My Child Won’t Sleep Through the Night!

It’s 9pm. The homework is done, the dishes are washed, and your kiddo is bathed and tucked into bed. Stories have been read! Cuddles have been given! You’ve made it to the end of the day! Time for a celebratory Netflix episode, or a chapter in that book you keep telling yourself you’re going to finish…and then you hear the pitter patter of little feet in the hallway, and your door creaks open.

Does this sound familiar to you? If so, you are not alone! In this post, I’ll be sharing suggestions to help a child who can’t sleep through the night.

When Your Child Can’t Sleep Alone, Bedtime Becomes a Problem

Insomnia is one of the most common concerns I hear about in my child therapy office. This can mean a child is having trouble going to bed, falling asleep, or staying asleep. Sometimes, a child is able to fall asleep with no problem—as long as a parent stays in the room all night long.

Insomnia is a frequent complaint for both kids and adults, but children’s sleep problems can be especially tough on a family. When a child isn’t sleeping well, it weighs on everybody in the household. Not only is the child not getting enough sleep to function, but parents and siblings may also be getting their rest interrupted by the child’s frequent waking,. This maked things harder for everyone the following morning.

The Insomnia Vicious Cycle

Many of us will have trouble sleeping at some point in life, especially when we’re stressed. Sometimes, a child’s sleepless nights resolve by themselves once the stress is gone. For other children, sleep problems are not so easily solved. The insomnia can go on for weeks, months, or longer.

Sleep is important to a child’s emotional well-being, children who have trouble sleeping for prolonged periods often enter a vicious cycle. The lack of sleep leads to increased anxiety and difficulty concentrating, which in turn makes it even harder to sleep the following night. With help from parents, and sometimes with extra support from a child counselor, children and families can break this cycle, and help everyone to get a better night’s sleep.

Sleeping Through The Night Helps Children’s Physical and Mental Growth

Good quality sleep is especially important children who are still growing. It has a direct impact on their ability to grow physically, mentally and emotionally. During sleep, kids release growth hormones that they need to develop and mature. Sleep is also critical for learning. It helps children to retain and store information they’ve learned, and makes them more able to focus and learn at school the next day.

Sleep is really important for kids’ emotional health, too. Sleep problems can contribute to anxiety, depression, and ADHD. In fact, poor sleep can even trigger emotional problems, and make it more difficult for people to cope. Studies have shown that disturbed sleep can lead to symptoms of depression, and that depressed people who aren’t sleeping well are less likely to respond to treatment than those who are getting a good night’s rest.

How Much Sleep Do Kids Need Each Night?

More than you might think! No two kids are exactly alike, and different kids may be able to get by with different amounts of sleep. The National Sleep Foundation has set guidelines to help make sure your child’s sleep time is in the right ballpark.

For toddlers between ages 1 and 2, the Foundation recommends 11-14 hours of sleep per day, which usually includes a daytime nap. Preschoolers (age 3 to 5) generally need 10-13 hours a day, and may still nap.

By elementary and middle school (age 6 to 13), it is recommended that children sleep between 9 and 11 hours a night. You know your child’s rhythms best. Helping him to establish a healthy sleep schedule within these guidelines will ensure that he’s getting the rest he needs to grow, both physically and emotionally.

What Causes Childhood Insomnia and Sleep Problems?

Many children have difficulty falling or staying asleep at some time in their lives—this is a really typical problem! Here are a few common reasons children can’t (or won’t) sleep through the night:

Anxiety: Many children appear nervous or downright fearful as bedtime approaches. Separation anxiety, a fear of being away from parents or loved ones, is common in younger children. It can sometimes manifest as reluctance to go to bed, a fear of being alone, or a fear that something bad will happen if the child is out of sight of the parent.

Other forms of anxiety, like generalized anxiety and OCD, can also make it harder for children to sleep. If a child seems nervous or afraid at bedtime, is bothered by lots of worries at night, or needs to complete a long or elaborate bedtime ritual in order to feel comfortable going to bed, anxiety might the source of their difficulties.

Media: Kids often have vivid imaginations, which is a great strength. Sometimes, though, a very active imagination can make children more prone to sleep problems. For children with rich fantasy lives, the lines between reality and pretend are easily blurred. These kids may be more sensitive to the effects of scary movies, violent video games, and stories shared by children at school. Their fears of scary characters may last long after the movie ends, and often intensify at bedtime.

Behavioral Causes: Sometimes, without meaning to, children and parents fall into a nightly routine that has to be repeated in order for the child to feel ready to sleep. For example, a child whose mother lies in bed each night until she falls asleep may start to link mom’s presence in bed to the idea of sleep, and soon this becomes a requirement for bedtime every night. Once the child has unconsciously connected this behavior with falling asleep, she won’t be able to drift off until it’s been done.

Physical Causes: Just like adults, some kids are naturally night owls while others are morning people, and this can impact sleep habits. According to this article from Today’s Parent, a small minority of children with sleep problems may have an underlying medical reason, such as sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome. If sleep problems persist for a long time, or you notice any physical symptoms such as difficulty breathing, it’s a good idea to schedule a checkup with your pediatrician to rule these conditions out.

Trauma: Rarely, a traumatic event can be the cause of disturbed sleep. Children who have experienced a trauma often become fearful at bedtime, have trouble falling asleep, and are bothered by night terrors or other bad dreams that may or may not have anything to do with what they’ve experienced. If the sleep problems are accompanied by other symptoms, such as bedwetting, tantrums, or anxiety, trauma should be ruled out as a possible cause. You can read more about the impact of trauma on children here.

How Can I Help My Child Sleep Better at Night?

Sleep problems take time to develop, and so they also take some time and patience to resolve. Anxious children benefit from a bedtime routine that is consistent, predictable, and includes opportunities to soothe and relax before bed. Creating a visual chart of the bedtime routine can also be a good way to help kids shift gears and get ready for sleep.

For imaginative children with fears about monsters or other “bad guys”, it can be a big help to talk about the difference between “real” and “pretend” and offer reassurance that scary events from TV will not happen in real life. Some children are also very motivated by reward charts. Children may “buy in” to the idea of sleeping alone more readily if they are able to set a goal for themselves to sleep independently for a certain number of nights in order to earn a prize.

If you have tried these tips and your child still can’t unwind at bedtime, she may need more effective coping skills. My coping skills course for kids helps kids and tweens learn how to relax their body, manage panic attacks, and learn how to deal with unrealistic worries that aren’t likely to ever happen (like that monster showing up in the night).

Begin Therapy for Kids With Insomnia in Davidson, North Carolina

Sleep problems can be exhausting for all involved, but patience and persistence can often turn even the most nocturnal of night owls into a more peaceful sleeper. However, some kids need more than a few coping skills and a consistent routine to resolve long-standing sleep issues. If you’ve been trying tips like the ones in this post for a while with no luck, counseling can help.

Therapy can help your child work through any underlying worries, and increase her sense of felt safety so she can sleep more soundly. I use cognitive behavioral therapy to help kids with bedtime anxiety at my Davidson, North Carolina child therapy office. If you aren’t local, I see kids online throughout North Carolina, as well as in New York and Florida. I also have an educational class called Worry Free Tweens, which can teach coping skills to kids regardless of where you live.

Interested in therapy? You can contact me to request an appointment or get more information.