Imagine what it must feel like to be a kid during this pandemic. You’re dealing with a dangerous event that you don’t have any frame of reference for. The adults in your life can’t tell you how long it’s going to last, or how bad it’s going to get. And to make matters worse, most of your favorite things to help yourself feel better—seeing friends, playing sports, even going to school—are now off-limits. It’s no wonder we’re seeing so many kids struggling with anxiety due to the coronavirus.
As communities begin to reopen, we may actually see kids’ anxiety increase, since they’ve been out of their routines for so long. For kids with anxiety, having to face potentially stressful situations like school or crowded grocery stores after having a long break from them can be really hard. Here are a few coping skills to help your child deal with uncertainty now, and self-soothe when it’s time to get back to daily routines.
Coronavirus Coping Skill #1: Imagine a Peaceful Place
Right now, kids’ day-to-day surroundings may not be changing very much, but they can draw on their memories and imagination to give themselves a relaxing change of scenery. I find I’ve been using this skill much more often with children during quarantine.
The idea is that by focusing all our attention on making a memory feel as real as possible, our mind and body will start to respond as if we’re actually there. If you’ve ever heard a song from your childhood and immediately felt nostalgic, or smelled perfume that reminded you of a person or place, you know how this works.
To practice this skill, have your child select a place that feels safe and relaxing to her. Ask her to close her eyes, and guide her through questions focusing on the 5 senses to help her make her image of this place as real as possible:
What do you see around you in this place? What colors are there? Are you inside or outside?
What do you hear in this place? Is there music? Are people talking?
Can you reach out and touch something around you? Wiggle your toes—what are you standing on?
Breathe in. What does this place smell like? Flowers, the ocean, food?
Is there anything that you would eat or drink in this place? What does it taste like?
After your child has spent a couple minutes focusing on her peaceful place, you can instruct her to slowly open her eyes. You might want to ask about what place she chose, and how this exercise felt for her. Imaginative kids often really enjoy this activity, and can do it alone with some practice.
Coronavirus Coping Skill #2: Worry Breaks
Kids who are prone to anxiety are often also prone to catastrophizing: imagining the absolute worst-case scenario possible for a given situation. Catastrophizing thoughts can be like a snowball rolling down a hill: a problem starts small, but as a child continues to think about it the problem seems bigger and bigger, until suddenly it’s out of control.
There are so many unknowns about the coronavirus, and media coverage is constant and often scary. Children who are worried about the virus or its effects have a lot of fuel for their anxiety, and few distractions to pull their focus. This can get those snowballs rolling downhill pretty quickly! Worry breaks are a way to help children break the cycle of worrying over and over (called ruminating) and have a healthy outlet for their fears.
To practice this technique, pick a short amount of time—10 to 15 minutes—each day that you can be available for your child. This is a special time set aside for your child to share his worries with you, where you will be able to listen and give your undivided attention. Some children prefer to journal or write their worries down alone, and that’s okay, too! What’s most important is that the time is limited in order to prevent too much ruminating from happening. You can set a timer on your phone to help with this.
After the time is up, it’s time to stop worrying for the day. If your child starts noticing worries at other times, he can remind himself that there will be plenty of time to worry about this at his next break. He should then shift his attention to something else, like a pet, game, or TV show. By the time the next worry break comes around, your child may discover that his worry has gotten smaller, or disappeared entirely. Over time, practicing this technique helps kids learn to better control their worries and keep the snowballing from happening.
Coronavirus Coping Skill #3: Outdoor Movement
The steps we’ve been taking to protect our physical health—staying indoors and avoiding contact with other people—can also take a toll on kids’ mental health. During quarantine, many families are relying more on screen time and indoor activities to help keep kids occupied during the day. No judgment here: especially if you’re working from home, you’ve got to do whatever you need to do in order to help keep kids calm and entertained.
However, kids who are spending all their time doing sedentary activities probably aren’t getting their movement needs met, which can increase anxiety, depression, and acting-out behavior. All that energy needs to go somewhere, and if it’s not given an outlet we might see it start to show up in unhealthy ways.
If your child is starting to feel a little wobbly emotionally, it’s a smart idea to prioritize some time each day to play outdoors. Getting out in the sun and fresh air is a welcome change from sitting in the bedroom all day, and some studies suggest that sunlight activates serotonin production in the body, which could boost a child’s mood. Being more physically active during the day can help kids cope with sad and anxious feelings, and might also lead to a better (and maybe earlier) night’s sleep.
Coronavirus Coping Skill #4: Mindful Sensory Play
Okay, so what if you’re stuck in the house and you can’t go outside? Maybe it’s raining, or you’re not able to directly supervise your child’s play for the next hour. What can your child do to self-soothe indoors that doesn’t require a screen?
Sensory play is any kind of playful activity that engages kids’ 5 senses. I sing the praises of this kind of play a lot, because it has an almost magical appeal for kids: it calms super active children, helps keep easily distracted kids grounded and focused, and it’s very soothing for children with anxiety. During quarantine, I’m hearing from families that play with a sensory component can be really helpful for children who are starting to bounce off the walls due to pent-up anxious energy.
Many mindfulness techniques encourage us to put our focus on our senses, because this naturally gets us to pay attention to the present moment, rather than thinking about the past or worrying about the future. Sensory play gives kids this same mindful opportunity: they’re noticing what their body is feeling right now, which means they’re not worrying about past or future events.
Pretty much every kid I know is obsessed with slime, but it might not be the most realistic option for unsupervised play at home, especially if your child is younger. Luckily, there are plenty of sensory play alternatives that don’t require as much cleanup. Here are a few to consider:
Coloring with scented markers, crayons, or pencils
Rocking on a rocking horse, or bouncing on a trampoline
Mixing washable paint colors in a sealed ziploc bag
Playing with play-doh (bonus points for scented) or Orbeez
Taking a bubble bath or giving toys a bath in the sink
Putting dried rice, pasta, or beans in a container to create a sensory bin
More Resources for Kids Coping with Coronavirus Anxiety
Sometimes, adding a few more coping tools to your toolbox is all that you need to help a child with anxiety. If that’s the case, you can check out my coping skills for anger, coping skills for anxiety, and coping skills for depression posts to get more ideas.
Does your child respond better to video? If you’re looking for a more engaging, in-depth way to learn coping skills, check out Worry-Free Tweens, my video course that teaches anxiety coping skills to kids and parents. These self-help videos lead you through a sequence of kid-friendly coping skills to help kids manage anxiety, panic attacks, and excessive worrying.
If your child’s struggles are getting more intense, getting in the way of daily activities, or worsening as your area begins to reopen, short-term counseling might help your child to bounce back from this stressful experience. You can search for children’s therapists in your area on Psychology Today, or if you’re in New York or North Carolina, you can reach out to me here.
