I love working with kids online. While there are a few things that just can’t be done virtually (it’s pretty hard to make slime on a video call), this form of therapy has so many hidden perks that I hadn’t considered before diving headfirst into the online world. In particular, online sessions have proven to be an awesome fit for my preteen clients. 10, 11, and 12-year-olds are at a great age for this style of work, due to their maturity level, the reasons they commonly come to therapy, and the way they naturally communicate. In this post I’ll be unpacking the 5 reasons preteens and online counseling are a match made in virtual heaven.
11-Year-Olds Are Digital Natives
By the time today’s 11-year-olds were born, Facebook, Twitter, and Amazon were already a thing. They’ve never known a world without an iPhone, and they’ve probably been using it to FaceTime with grandma and grandpa since they were toddlers. Video conferencing feels natural to most tweens, because it’s been the norm their entire lives. While the technology may feel cold or impersonal to us, it’s the primary way most tweens connect with their friends.
The technical difficulties that could easily fluster an adult are no big deal for most tweens. They know their way around a computer, and they can figure out many minor issues alone without missing a beat. I have been consistently amazed by how easy it is for my preteen clients to navigate our online sessions.
Preteens Crave Privacy and Independence
Around age 11 or 12, many parents notice their children start to crave their own personal space. They may spend more time tucked away in their room, or prioritize social events over family activities that they used to enjoy. While the change can be unsettling, it’s a totally normal part of growing up. As children become teens, they start a process called separation-individuation: they are learning to think and do things for themselves, without their parents help, as they prepare for adulthood.
Online therapy sessions give preteens more agency over the therapy process. They can log on and off by themselves, and don’t need to catch a ride from a parent. They can chat with their therapist from the comfort of their own room, knowing that there aren’t other kids, therapists, or parents sitting in a waiting room just outside their door. Headphones or text chatting can ensure conversations are kept private from siblings’ ears. When tweens are empowered in this way, they may feel more invested in their own therapy.
It’s Easier to Talk About Touchy Subjects
Have you ever tried to bring up one of those “after school special” subjects with your preteen kid? Drug use, peer pressure, puberty…the stuff nobody really feels super comfortable talking about? Eye rolls, exasperated sighs, or indifferent shrugs often ensue. It’s not always the easiest thing for tweens to talk about these subjects in therapy, either. Sitting on a couch in a random lady’s office while she perches on a chair 3 feet away from you making direct eye contact can feel…weird.
Online therapy gives kids some physical and emotional distance that can make easier to open up about this stuff. It can feel safer and a little more anonymous behind a screen, and typing is sometimes easier than talking out loud. I have had so many surprising conversations with my tween clients using the chat feature that I’m not sure would ever have happened in face-to-face therapy. From boy drama to moral dilemmas to painful past experiences, we have chatted (and typed) about it all.
Preteens Have Packed Schedules
I swear that nearly every preteen on my caseload is in a traveling sports league that meets approximately 25 times a week. Plus music lessons. Plus girl scouts. Plus school. Academic demands get way more intense in middle school, and so do extracurriculars. Coping with a full schedule and commuting from activity and activity can be stressful, and might even contribute to anxiety for some kids.
From a practical standpoint, online sessions ease stress because it’s one less thing that kids (and parents) have to drive to. Sessions are easier to schedule, because there’s no risk of getting stuck in traffic. Online therapy has allowed me to work with kids who might otherwise not have been able to attend therapy due to their parents’ work hours or their own after school activities. In the middle of a busy school week, there’s something kind of nice about being able to take a breather at home, and show up for therapy in your house slippers with a favorite drink or snack on hand.
Online Therapy Offers New Ways to Be Creative
I know I mentioned earlier that you can’t make slime in online therapy, and that is true: I really miss slime! While some play therapy standbys don’t translate quite so well into the online world, virtual therapy has opened up a world of new opportunities to get creative in therapy sessions. It’s not better or worse than in-person counseling, just different—but cool!
Tween clients can collaborate on Google Docs with me to write stories together in real time. They can show me content from Instagram influencers they look up to, and give me a glimpse into their inner world that I wouldn’t otherwise see. I don’t think I ever would have considered running online Dungeons & Dragons groups for middle schoolers before starting virtual therapy, and now they are a highlight of my week!
Looking for Online Therapy for Your 11-Year-Old?
Preteens are my favorite age group to work with in therapy. You can learn more about my online therapy practice here, or contact me to schedule an appointment. I’m able to work with clients online in North Carolina, New York, and Florida. My (virtual) door is always open!
I love working with this age group so much, that I created an online course just for them. Worry-Free Tweens is a self-help video class that teaches anxiety coping skills to kids ages 8-12. You can access it right away to start learning new strategies for you and your child.
