Depending on who you ask, social media is either the best or worst thing to ever happen to kids. Is it the way of the future, giving kids endless entertainment and a connection to peers all over the world? Or is it an unsupervised no-man’s-land that exposes children to danger and risks their mental health? I’m not here to tell you what to do—every kid and family is different. But, as a children’s counselor, I can go over the pros and cons of social media for children from an emotional perspective. Hopefully, this post gives you a more balanced perspective so you can make the right choice for your child.
What’s The Right Age to Get Instagram, TikTok, or Other Social Media?
If you ask pretty much any social media company, the answer is easy: 13. Instagram, TikTok, Discord, Snapchat, YouTube, and Facebook all require users to be 13 or older to join. This seems straightforward enough—end of blog post, right? If only life were so simple. Sure, Instagram says you have to be 13 to join, but Instagram doesn’t have a tween daughter begging for an account, claiming she’s the last person in her class who is without one.
As far as I can tell, the 13 year old age limit has very little to do with kids’ readiness to be on social media. Nobody consulted with a child psychologist or child development expert to come up with this magic number. Instead, it has more to do with big media companies not being allowed to collect data on little kids. One of the reasons social media apps remain free is because they’re collecting data on us all the time, so that they can target advertisements to us. I guess that, somehow, it’s deemed okay to do this once a child turns 13.
What does this mean for parents? I think we should all be taking this age guideline with a grain of salt, because it’s a little bit arbitrary. Depending on their maturity level, some kids may be ready for social media at 13. Many others may need to hold off until they are older, or have a lot of parental supervision to make sure they stay safe. Personally, I would not feel comfortable with any child age 13 or under having an unsupervised social media account of any kind.
How Social Media Hurts Kids’ Mental Health
Have you seen The Social Dilemma yet? If not, go watch it and come back…I’ll wait. It does a much better job than I could possibly do of explaining how social media puts children at risk of developing anxiety and depression. Imagine your 13-year-old past self for a moment. Think about how important your friends’ approval was to you. Remember how awful it felt when someone made a snarky comment about you? Multiply that by ten, one hundred, even a thousand, and that’s what tweens and teens are exposed to on social media.
Our brains were not designed to deal with social acceptance or rejection on such a large scale. Getting “likes” activates the pleasure centers of the brain and can become addictive. Kids on social media aren’t just comparing themselves to other students at school, but to professionally styled, heavily filtered influencers on TikTok and Instagram. This can really do a number on a child’s self-esteem. Research shows that depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts are all more common among teens who frequently use social media.
The Safety Risks of Social Media for Children
We have all heard horror stories about internet predators at this point. Fear-mongering news stories aside, it’s absolutely true that there are people out there who try to victimize kids online. Even if you’re in a “child-friendly” corner of the internet, or talking to someone who appears to be a fellow teen, you never really know who you’re dealing with.
Even though most kids are very aware of “stranger danger”, predators know what to say and do to earn trust. This is called “grooming”, and it lowers a child’s defenses and makes them more vulnerable to being financially or sexually exploited. Because being online feels so anonymous, it’s really easy to accidentally overshare personal information. Younger children tend to be impulsive, and they have a hard time considering the long-term consequences of their decisions. This can (incorrectly) make it feel less dangerous to send photos through apps like Snapchat, where they’re seemingly only available for a short period of time.
Are There Any Benefits to Social Media For Kids? (Actually, Yes)
Okay, so this all sounds pretty grim. Even though it’s super common, it’s undeniably risky for kids’ mental health and safety to have unrestricted social media access. But here I am, the children’s therapist, writing this blog post with Instagram pulled up on my phone and Facebook in the next tab on my browser. You may be surprised to learn that I think social media—when used in moderation—can be beneficial to kids’ mental health.
Social Media Is a Child-Friendly Creative Outlet
Social media can be an amazing creative outlet for kids. Many of my child clients primarily use social media to share fanfiction and fan art that they’ve created based on their favorite TV shows. Aspiring makeup artists, photographers, and fashion designers can also find an outlet for their passion online. I could write a whole blog post on the possible mental health benefits of this kind of creative expression. It’s meaningful, positive social interaction that helps kids build real-life skills. Especially during times when kids are stuck at home, positive and creative experiences like these can reduce their risk of depression.
Social Media Encourages Diversity
I also think social media can open a child’s eyes to a bigger, more diverse world. If you live in an area where everybody looks the same, this is an opportunity to provide racial windows for your child that give her a peek into another culture or way of life. Did you know there’s a big Indigenous and Native American community on TikTok performing dances and teaching about their culture? I didn’t until this year, and now I love watching their content.
I also think social media is a godsend for anyone living with a disability or chronic illness. A child who lives with a medical condition may be the only person at their school with that diagnosis. However, social media can connect him to tons of other people who get exactly what he’s going through. It can be a source of moral support, positive role models, and even advice. Being different can be isolating, and social media can make a child feel less alone.
Need More Help? Try These Resources for Tweens and Teens
It’s tough to figure out how to navigate the internet when you have young children. Unless you are planning to move off the grid, internet access is a necessary evil for today’s kids. My age-by-age guide to internet safety can help you figure out what activities are appropriate for kids from preschool through late elementary school.
If you have older children, my guide on internet and phone safety for preteens and teens may help. It talks about the specific risks older kids face online. You’ll also find advice to consider if you’re deciding whether your tween is ready for their own phone.
As you may have gleaned from this post, I’m a children’s counselor in Davidson, North Carolina. I especially love working with preteens who are dealing with anxiety and trauma symptoms. I’m able to work with families in North Carolina, New York, and Florida thanks to online counseling. If you’re in one of those states and would like to learn more about starting therapy, you can reach out to me here.
